


Two Can Play at That Game

by orphan_account



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Briefly Mentioned Ren/Mishima, Gay Chicken, Humor, Idiots in Love, Light Angst, M/M, Mild Dissociation, Mild Persona 5 Royal Spoilers, Mild Sexual Content, Misunderstandings, Pining, Poor Life Choices, Poorly Timed Love Epiphanies, Post-Canon, Repression, Rivalry, Rivals to Lovers, Shuake Big Bang 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 44,118
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25809760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: A friendly game of compliments between Ren and Goro soon escalates into a friendly game of flirting, which then escalates into a maybe too friendly game of gay chicken. That's all fine and good, except Ren's playing with a major disadvantage: he's in love with his opponent.But it's fine. Everything's fine. Ren's not going to let something like wanting to die from his repressed feelings get in the way of their competition. After all, Goro would never forgive him if he didn't give their game everything he's got.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Amamiya Ren, Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Kudos: 590
Collections: Shuake Big Bang 2020





	1. DAY ONE - Friday

**Author's Note:**

> My entry for the Shuake Big Bang 2020! Thanks so much to everyone who participated and ran the event. This was a challenge to write, but I hope you get some enjoyment out of it nonetheless.

** DAY ONE - Friday **

It starts, like with so many things between them, as a single observation that gets elevated to the status of _challenge_.

"Thank you _so_ much," Ann says to Goro, bowing so low that her head almost smacks against the booth table. "I went to visit the watchmaker you recommended, and the owner said that it was going to be an easy job." She lifts her head and looks at him with moisture glistening in the corners of her eyes. "You have no idea how relieved I am."

Goro shakes his head. His eyes are locked onto her face, and there is open concern on his expression as he stares at the tears threatening to manifest. "Don't turn this into a bigger deal than it is. The shop is next to where I live. I didn't do anything but tell you about it."

"But that's the most important thing," Ann yells. "Seriously, I can't tell you how important that watch is to our family. It's practically an heirloom in my family. I think my great-grandfather—or was that great-great-grandfather? Anyway, one of them was family friends with this watchmaker, and he got one of the first watches they ever sold. It's been passed down the family ever since." Ann takes in a weary breath. "My mom would've killed me if it was broken for good. You really helped me." Ann's voice breaks a little. "Thank you. You're really kind."

"L-like I said, I hardly did anything." Goro's stutter draws in Ren's attention like a giant, blinking, 'NOTICE ME' sign. 

Goro crosses his arms, but there's a tightness in his shoulders. He hunches in on himself like he's out of his comfort zone. Though his face is turned towards Ann, he isn't directly looking at her, and his eyes keep glancing quickly away and back. His voice is measured and leveled, but artificially so. Strange, because there isn't really anything, in Ren's opinion, Goro needs to be defensive about.

"Anyone would have done the same thing for you," Goro says. Ann shakes her head violently. Both Ren and Ryuji raise their hands to protect their faces from her hair, but Ren gets some stuck in his mouth anyway. He spits it out. Ann doesn't seem to have even noticed. 

"But they didn't! You did! So take my gratitude, Akechi!"

Goro's head makes an aborted movement down, like he had planned on hiding his face and then changed his mind. Ren watches him jerk his head back up. He notices, to his immense glee, there is the slightest darkening of Goro's cheeks. It's barely noticeable, but Ren's looking to notice.

"You're welcome," Goro says, and his volume is a little quieter than before.

Jackpot.

"You know," Ren leans back in the booth and gives Goro a smug grin, "you're surprisingly bad at accepting praise."

Goro's eyes turn to Ren before the rest of his head does, and Ren likes that. Likes the way it feels like Goro tries to suppress how quickly and easily Ren gets his attention. Goro frowns, eyes narrowing, and there is no longer any hint of pink to his cheeks. "What's that supposed to mean?" He angles his head up in challenge.

Ren will never back down from a challenge from Goro. "Exactly what it sounds like. You can't take a compliment. Just now, when Ann thanked you?" Ren nods at Ann, who seems invested in the conversation, her concern about her watch put on hold. "You were flustered. Couldn't look her in the eyes. I think you were starting to blush."

In response, Goro's posture goes stiff, and he gives Ren a glare that could be intimidating if it weren't for the discomfort lurking underneath. It lasts for a split second before Goro's body untenses, and he smiles in a radiant, fake, made-for-TV sort of way.

"Really?" Goro says, tone neutral. "Even if that were true, how does that mean I am bad at taking a compliment? Have you forgotten who I used to be?"

In the booth seat behind them, Futaba leaps to her feet. She nearly knocks over the table in the process, and does end up elbowing Yusuke. "He's got a point." She twists herself around before plastering her body over the back of the seat. She ignores Makoto's stern call of her name and Yusuke's pained grunt. "Mr. Detective Prince had a whooooole lot of undeserving praise heaped on him at the height of his popularity. It made digging up dirt on him way more annoying."

"Yes, but there's a difference between empty praise and sincere praise." Haru says, and Ren turns back and looks in between Yusuke's head and Futaba's elbow to watch Haru speak. One hand absent-mindedly pets Morgana while the other stirs her coffee. "When you're well known, there tends to be a lot of shallow praise freely given, handed out by people who want something. People want to be acknowledged by those they see as famous or rich, and they'll say almost anything to garner that favor." She stops stirring and drops her other hand to Morgana's back. "After a while, it all becomes meaningless. It starts to sound like white noise."

"Haru," Makoto says, and Haru gives her a wan smile.

"It can get very tiring very quickly, but it makes sincere compliments—words spoken from the heart with no ulterior motive—all the more precious." Haru's smile grows wider, and she claps her hands together. There is only a narrow gap for her line of vision to go through to reach Goro, but she does it and stares him down with a mischievous look that has even Ren sweating. "Perhaps that's why Akechi can't take compliments from us very well! There's not really very much favor or acknowledgment we want to manipulate from him, after all!" 

Goro says nothing. Futaba makes a face and slowly slides back down until she stoops in the seat again. Ren, Ann, and Ryuji turn their heads back to look at Goro.

His expression is placid and serene. Unfortunately for Goro, that's another one of his tells. 

"Uh, well." Ryuji rubs his head and looks around as if seeking inspiration from Leblanc's wall crowning on what to say. "She's got a point. If we're dishing out praise to Akechi, it ain't 'cause we want something from him."

"Yeah," Ann says to Akechi, whose face has not moved. "I really meant it when I thanked you! There's no secret motivation behind it; I just want you to know you did something very kind for me, and I really appreciate it."

"Ah," Goro says, and like a rock thrown upon the surface of a still lake, Ann's words cause a ripple of emotion to break over Goro's face. It's still well-hidden, tamped down by years of fierce control and an emotional allergy to vulnerability, but it's there.

Ren nods. "Can't take a compliment at all."

The force of the glare Goro levels onto Ren is enough to make Ann and Ryuji flinch, but Ren refuses to be cowed by it. He can feel it; it's the start of a new challenge, and the wait for Goro's returning move makes Ren smile.

Goro does not return the smile on his face, but he does in his eyes. "Oh?" Goro says, tone polite and light and deadly. "You're hardly one to talk about not being able to take a compliment. If I remember correctly, last week, after you reunited that lost child with her parents, you brushed off their thanks and mumbled something like, 'I was at the right place at the right time,' and then refused their offer of a reward."

"I remember that," Yusuke muses. He tilts his head back and nearly knocks it into Ren's. "The mother was most adamant you took some form of reward. You manifested such an exquisite expression of anguish; I had not thought an act of kindness could bring about such a panicked look upon your face."

Goro smirks at him, and Ren carefully nudges his own face down and to the right enough to create a glare on the surface of his glasses. "She was trying to give me ten-thousand yen. I couldn't take that."

Goro stares at Ren with a gleam of victory in his eyes. "And then, of course, there's the numerous times you've brushed off thanks and praise with stock expressions such as: 'I got lucky,' or 'It wasn't that big of a deal,' or 'Don't worry about it'." Goro crosses his legs and gives Ren a smile so saintly it borders on sadistic. "Ha, it's funny, given your savior complex, how you seem to have so much trouble accepting thanks."

Ren knows Goro can't see his eyes right now, but he also realizes Goro knows his tells just as well as Ren knows Goro's. He sighs and stretches his neck before he rubs it with a free hand. Ren slouches in his seat and lets Goro see whatever he wants to see. "I'm not doing any of those things for praise. It seems pointless to make a big deal out of it; so long as the problem is solved—"

"Such a noble philosophy," Goro cuts in, tone perfectly neutral. Ren meets Goro's eyes and realizes too late that it's a trap. Goro's eyes are soft. Fond. His expression is gentle. There's the barest upward quirk of his lips. Goro looks... _sincere_. It's not a manufactured affectation of sincerity; this look on Goro's face is the real deal, and lightning shoots up Ren's spine.

"I suppose that's why people can't help but be drawn to you," Goro says, and God, even his voice has a sincerity in it that Ren rarely hears. "The core of who you are as a person is undeniably good. Even if someone disagrees with your methodology or actions, no one can ever say you do the things you do out of malice." Goro stares dead into Ren's eyes. "You are, much to my chagrin, one of the greatest people I have ever met. I have a great deal of regrets in my life, but meeting you is not and will not ever be one of them."

Ren's skin itches and aches. It feels like it's going to slough off his body at any moment. Goro stares at him, soft and open and tender, and Ren is going to gently implode. He reminds himself how to breathe.

Then Goro grins, smug and victorious, and gestures at Ren with a broad, effortless sweep of the arm. "There. You see? He's hardly one to talk about not being able to take a compliment."

Oh, Goro is _such an ass_.

"Okay," Ren drawls as their friends sit in silence around them, "point."

Goro's grin is unbearably smug, and he takes an equally unbearably smug sip of his coffee. "One to zero, my favor," he says once he sets his cup down.

"Oh, no," Makoto says. "They're starting again. Did the two of you forget what happened last time?"

"Hey," Ren says, "falling into the lake wasn't my goal. It just turned out that way."

Goro chuckles and picks up his cup again. "And you still lost." 

"And you totaled Sojiro's old bicycle," Futaba adds.

"And we never got it out of the pond either, did we?" Ann says, then flushes when Ren gives her a panicked look. "I-I mean! Ahaha, getting the bicycle out of the pond sure was a pain! Hahaha..."

Ryuji sighs and slides down the seat a little. "Man, I don't ever wanna hear you complainin' about me having a big mouth again. Can we go back to talkin' about bowling before we get lectured?"

"Did the three of you really never get the bicycle out of the lake?" Makoto says, voice slipping into full lecture mode. "It's been three weeks!"

"Too late," Futaba mutters.

"Eh, it's probably fine," Ryuji says. "I mean, it's a bicycle. It's not toxic waste."

"It's still littering! Also, it wasn't as if there weren't any witnesses! We were all there, and Inokashira Park is never empty!"

Goro gives Ren a judgmental look over the top of his cup. That affects Ren more than Makoto's outrage. 

"I guess we can go get it out today," Ren says, trying not to grumble. "The weather's better." He smiles at Goro. "You'll be helping us. It's technically your fault I rode Sojiro's bicycle into the lake in the first place."

"Why don't you all go," Morgana says. "I'm tired of being cooped up in here, and he's right! It's a beautiful day!"

Morgana gets a round of disgruntled groans from the two tables as a response.

"No, I agree with Morgana," Makoto says, because she is a traitor. "Why are we sitting around when there's work to be done?"

There's another round of groaning, but Ren shakes his head. "No, she's right. We shouldn't leave Sojiro's bicycle in the pond. Once he gets back, let's all head out to Inokashira Park." He grimaces. "I'll do the hard work and wade into the lake. Guess I should pack a change of clothes and some towels."

With that, they all begin to disperse, sliding out of the booth seats and making plans on how to tackle the delayed bicycle retrieval. Goro is the only one to remain in his seat, unmoved and unbothered, sipping the remains of his coffee as he keeps his eyes on Ren. Ren meets his gaze as the others shuffle around Leblanc; some of them gather food and supplies while others duck out to grab things they think will be needed for an afternoon spent mucking around at the bottom of the lake.

Goro's voice is placid in an overmanufactured way. His smile, slight and just the right amount of amused to not be sadistic, is also a carefully crafted display.

"You seem," Goro says as Futaba begins making a racket in Leblanc's kitchen as she packs away curry and coffee, "to quite enjoy calling me out."

Ren sticks his hands into his jean pockets and takes on an affected slouch. He gives back his version of what Goro throws at him. "It's a hobby of mine."

"How cute." Goro sharpens his voice right towards the end. "A game of the pot calling the kettle black."

"You'd know all about that."

Goro's smile is as bright and artificial as a fluorescent ceiling light. His eyes, though, glitter darkly with genuine amusement.

"Perhaps I do. But are you certain you want to play? I'm far better at this than you are. I've already got the lead."

Ren smiles and feels the heady rush of battle flood his limbs. "For now. But you've also got a huge disadvantage."

"Really? I suppose it's too much to ask for you to share what my assumed disadvantage is."

"Yep. The game has already started."

Goro's smile is sharp enough to wound. "Well," he says, lifting his coffee cup in a mock salute, "may the best man win."


	2. DAY TWO - Saturday

** DAY TWO - Saturday **

Ren's shoes are still wet the next morning. Unfortunate, given he doesn't own more than one pair of shoes suitable for working an eight hour shift at Leblanc. Morgana swats at his ankles when Ren tries to put them on anyway, then tells him he should buy another pair of shoes for situations like this. Ren ignores him, goes down in his slippers, and has to endure Sojiro's judgemental eyebrow raise as Ren helps him open for the day.

The nice thing about his work at Leblanc is it's never really busy. The shifts are easy. No one will think less of the _kissaten_ if Ren wears his slippers to work, mainly because he rarely has to step out from behind the counter. Sojiro only sticks around until Leblanc is open for business, and Leblanc is Ren's and maybe the twelve customers he'll get until Sojiro returns to handle the evening shifts. The amount of down time he has means he can use his shift to catch up on homework and read all the materials he would've put off otherwise if he had the option of doing anything else.

This is why he's caught off guard when Goro Akechi slides into an empty Leblanc at fifteen minutes past ten exactly. It's a dead hour, so Ren's absorbed in his textbook when the door jingles. He gives a perfunctory greeting as he jolts out of his reading, but the greeting trails off as Goro gives him a smirk from his usual seat. 

"Working hard?" Goro slouches in his seat with his elbows on the counter and hands clasped in front of his chin. Sunlight streams through the windows, enough to highlight the sheen of sweat on Goro's neck. It's still not late enough into the year for it to be that warm so early, so Goro must have cycled here.

Which means Goro's got whatever the equivalent of a free day is to him, and Ren sighs. Studying, it seems, won't be happening.

"And here I thought you'd be happy for an excuse to take a break from your studying." Goro's tone is so saccharine it could replace all the sugar in the store. He folds his hands primly on the counter. "But I suppose that is one of your admirable traits; despite how others may perceive you, you are dedicated and studious."

Ren slumps over the counter, chin propped up on one hand as he drums the fingers of his other on the surface. He stares at the quirk of Goro's mouth and the gleam in his eyes. "You suck at being sincere."

"This is just a warm up. I have the next few hours free to pick apart your defenses."

"Bold words for a guy that panicked after getting thanked."

"You may certainly try to use slings and insults to shield yourself, but don't forget that _I_ won the first point." Goro crosses his legs and sits a little straighter. "I don't plan on losing my lead."

Ren hums in response before pushing himself off the counter. "Same as usual?" Ren asks, but he's already grabbed a gooseneck kettle to ready the water. 

The process of making a pourover is so familiar Ren suspects he could do it in his sleep. Filling the kettle and setting the water to boil are mindless tasks. Hand grinding the beans no longer feels like a struggle and a chore but rather a sort of meditative activity, and Ren uses the time to prepare a plan of attack for the game.

The key to the game is sincerity. There's so many words Ren could say to Goro—wants to say to Goro—that are sincere, but too many of them aren't necessarily complementary. Or they're too personal, too heavy for a competition like this. 

But it isn't as if there aren't genuine compliments Ren has to describe Goro. Despite everything, there are traits about Goro as a person, as a survivor, that Ren admires. Sometimes it hurts to think about what Goro's gone through, but that he did get through them so he could sit in Leblanc and watch Ren make coffee as they start a round of battle using wits and words and praise as weapons— 

It's a little embarrassing how sentimental Ren feels. 

It's not the right time or place to say those things. He needs words which are light, but true. Words which are shallow, but just as visceral and real. Words which come from the heart, but won't require him to wear his heart on his sleeves.

Words which will catch Goro Akechi off guard.

Goro has frequented Leblanc enough to know when it's acceptable to speak during the process and when it's not. Ren hopes Goro won't try to throw him off by complimenting him while he's focused on the pour, but Goro is also someone who has never hesitated to play dirty. 

Yet Goro stays silent as he watches Ren make him a cup of his usual. Goro says nothing at all until the cup is placed in front of him and he takes his first sip.

"Wonderful as always," Goro says, but it's the same, rote thing he always says. It's routine; it doesn't count. Goro sets the cup down with a delicate clink against the saucer and laces his fingers together. "You know, most days I prefer to go to more modern coffee shops. It's lighter on my wallet, and latte art appeals to me."

Ren knows. Goro sends semi-regular pictures of those fancy, fluffed up lattes to Ren as a means of mocking him for his lack of knowledge and experience on how to operate an espresso machine.

"Even so," Goro continues, "there is a difference between the coffee produced by the baristas who work a machine and the coffee made by you and Boss. I'm hardly an aficionado, but I can taste how much care you two put into your coffee."

"Complimenting my coffee isn't the same as complimenting me."

"You're still the one preparing it. And while I'm certain Boss would have a fit if he heard me say this, I actually prefer the coffee you make for me over his." Goro wraps both his hands around the cup, then looks at the coffee instead of Ren. "It not only tastes better when you make it for me, but it also feels more comforting." The next few words come out slowly. "The coffee you make for me doesn't just taste and feel like you've made it for me as a customer, but rather as if you've made it...especially for me. It makes me feel special."

Those words are a critical hit right to Ren's weakness. Admitting that is the same as losing.

"You are special," Ren says quickly, not giving himself time to overthink. It makes his tone more honest; it makes his words more honest. "I like it when you're here when I'm working. I like that you look like you belong here. I like—"

 _'You,'_ Ren almost says, but he manages to choke back the word in time. He's already accomplished what he's set out to do, anyway. The tips of Goro's ears are red. Goro stares harder at his coffee.

"You're never not welcome here," Ren says instead. "I think of that seat as your seat even when other people sit in it. I think of this blend as your blend even when other people order it. You'll always have a place here so long as I'm here, Goro."

Goro's hands tremble around his cup. For a moment, Ren thinks he might have said too much, might have been too honest, but Goro hisses between his teeth:

"Point."

* * *

Goro goes into a silent sulk after losing the lead, something Ren finds hilarious and a little endearing. This does mean Ren can return to his readings, and Goro pulls out a book of his own shortly after.

They pass the time in comfortable, companionable silence. Eventually, Morgana trots down the stairs after awakening from his mid-morning nap in the sunbeams on Ren's bed. He demands both food and attention, which Ren obliges. 

He brings out Morgana's wet food to the booth table Morgana has commandeered for his own, and that is how he unwittingly starts round two of the competition. 

"Are you wearing _slippers_?"

Whoops. Ren looks down and realizes he's somehow managed to completely forget he's not wearing work appropriate shoes. He shrugs.

"No one's here to notice."

"I'm here to notice."

"You don't count; you're not a customer customer. Pretty sure we're losing money with all the free refills I give you."

Ren curses himself when Goro smiles at him, sharp and smug, and picks up his cup.

"Then you won't mind hemorrhaging more of Boss's hard-earned money by giving me one more?"

"What did I just say," Ren says, but he goes back behind the counter and starts prepping anyway. This time, Goro doesn't remain silent as Ren grinds and waits for the water to come to temperature.

"Why are you wearing slippers? It's not as if you aren't capable of going upstairs and changing."

"My shoes are still wet. I don't have any other shoes I want to wear to work."

"None at all?"

"No. I'm not going to wear my nicer shoes to work in, and it's too warm for boots. I had an extra pair of everyday shoes at one point, but they got too beat up."

Goro makes a frustrated sound in the back of his throat. "You know there are things called _stores_ you can go and buy more shoes from, don't you? There's even a thing called _the internet_ that will let you buy them without having to go anywhere."

"That's what I've been telling him for weeks," Morgana says, mouth half full of food. He licks his lips as he lifts his head from his dish. "But he's being stupid about it!"

"I'm not being stupid," Ren says as he double-checks the water temperature. "It just isn't a high priority at the moment. I'll get around to it soon, I promise. Now both of you be quiet."

Goro has the courtesy of staying silent until Ren's done, but the moment Ren puts down the gooseneck, he starts again.

"How have you managed with only one pair of shoes for weeks?"

Ren sighs and rubs the back of his head as the pour finishes dripping. "Why is this a big deal?"

"Because it's disgusting to wear the same shoes every day."

Ren looks at Goro. Goro looks absolutely appalled. Ren shouldn't find endearing when the expression is aimed at him, but he does. He smiles and brings over the new cup of coffee, then leans on the counter and puts his chin in his hands and stares unabashedly at Goro.

"You're so sweet, caring about me so much." Goro's eyes widen before they narrow sharply, and Ren holds back turning his smile into a smirk. "You're such a good friend, Goro."

Goro's jaw tenses and clenches before he releases it, although there's enough tension left to let Ren know it was forced. Goro's nostrils flare as he inhales. He picks up the cup and manages to sip his coffee in the most belligerent manner known to man.

"Well, what are friends," Goro says the word _friends_ in the same manner someone would sink a knife into flesh, "for if not looking out for one another?"

Ren has to bite his bottom lip in order not to laugh. Goro glares at him, then closes his eyes and inhales deeply again.

"Although, if I must be honest," Goro says, and his voice is more even, "I'm a bit jealous."

Ren lets go of his lip. "Of me? And my lack of shoes?"

Goro's eyes shoot open, glare directed at Ren at full force. " _No_." His eyes soften. "I'm envious of how little you can afford to care about your appearance. This isn't just about your shoes," he snaps when Ren opens his mouth. "I'm talking about..." Goro gestures at Ren with one hand. "All of you. There's nothing particularly striking or unique about the way you dress, but you still manage to look good in almost anything you wear.

"To project the image I wanted, I had to prep and preen and prepare every night and every morning. If I forgot one thing from my routine, everyone who saw me would have immediately noticed something was wrong. Even now, to look presentable, there are still so many steps in my routine I can't skip if I want to seem halfway decent."

There's nothing soft or pleasant in Goro's tone of voice, but this is the first time Ren's heard anything like what he's saying. It's not a compliment in the expected sense, but Ren understands the point Goro's trying to make. 

It bothers Ren, but not because the compliment doesn't quite fit the nature of the game. It bothers him because Goro's willing to voice this _only because_ of the game they're playing.

"I think you're underestimating yourself." Ren chooses his words with care while trying to sound like he's not. "It's a lot more impressive that you put in so much effort in your appearance."

"Oh, I'm not selling myself short." Goro runs a finger around the rim of the coffee cup. "I know my routine is impressive; I'm the one who has to go through it every day." His shoulders slump as he looks down at his coffee again. "How should I put this... You can look good in almost anything because you're confident you will look good. How other people perceive you relies much on how much confidence you outwardly project. For myself and most other people, that confidence is an act. Your confidence is real. It's real, and comes from the fact that you don't care about what other people think about your appearance. It's _infuriating_."

"I care more than you think. It takes a lot more effort than you realize to not stick out from anyone else."

"Even so, you can't tell me it took more effort than what I have to do."

Silence. Goro stares at Ren as he spits out a short, bitter chuckle.

"You see? Infuriating. Also, while you may have passed under the scrutiny of the masses, anyone who actually possessed a keen eye and an attention to detail would have never thought you were someone inconspicuous. Like I said, you have a certain confidence about you... You believe in yourself in a way most others don't, and once someone sees that about you, it's impossible to take their eyes off you."

Another critical hit. Thankfully, it doesn't take Ren long to find a safe thought to voice. "Is that what happened at the TV station where we first met?"

Goro takes a drink of his coffee before he responds. 

"Yes. You stood out above everyone else. There was something about you— There still is something about you. Every time we're in the same space, my eyes drift towards you. You're impossible to ignore. You're impossible to forget about."

Once again, Goro ducks his head down, his hair falling in a cascade around his face and blocking most of it from Ren's view. Goro's fingers trace the rim of the cup and draw chaotic patterns into the wood of the counter. "That I can't ignore you or forget about you is... Well, that's the reason I'm still here. I could have run away from all of you, you know. I could have changed my name, my identity—everything. If I had done that, however, I would have had to live with only the memory I had of you for the rest of my life. I didn't want that spectre to haunt me, so I came back. I came back here."

There are no words Ren can say. The only words that exist in his brain are the ones Goro just said. Over and over again they play and replay in his brain, an unending loop of sincerity and honesty that hits Ren harder than any attack Goro could have thrown at him.

The asshole is taking the lead.

"Point," Ren croaks. It's the only word he can think of that's not one of Goro's.

Goro looks up for only a second before he lowers his head again, but that's enough to let Ren see his smile. Goro's smile is nasty. Mean. Triumphant. 

This, Ren realizes, is going to be a problem.

The key to the game is still sincerity, and there are so many sincere things Ren wants to say to Goro. There are, apparently, plenty of sincere things Goro wants to say to Ren. But for those thoughts to only be given a voice during a competition... This isn't how Ren wanted any of this to happen. There are so many things Ren and Goro want to, need to say to each other, but not like this. Not because of a game.

Ren has underestimated how badly Goro refuses to lose and how seriously Goro takes the game. He needs to find a way to redirect things before either one of them loses something more precious than another match in their rivalry. 

He has to choose his words carefully. 

"Thank you for coming back," he says. Goro tilts his head up, looking at Ren from beneath his bangs, and Ren suddenly feels his mouth go dry and his hands grow clammy. "Thank you for being here." Damn it, it's still too heavy. Still too serious. His heart beats faster. He needs to find something, anything, that will lighten the mood without ending the game entirely.

Ren looks away and twirls a lock of hair around his fingers. He needs a haircut soon. "I feel kind of bad, though... You said you couldn't look away from me when we first met... I couldn't either, but not for the same reason."

There hadn't been anything as ridiculous as love at first sight, but there was definitely _something_ when they first met. Some spark of fate, some recognition of the other as an enemy, a rival, a confidant, a counterpart, an ally, a friend— 

An equal.

Those words are true, but they aren't right. Not for what Ren wants. He needs something lighter. Something casual. Something to yank the unspoken conditions of their battle back into the realm of fun and entertaining instead of teetering on the edge of something too real.

"I noticed you because you were cute."

Ren realizes he's an idiot. 

"I heard of you and saw you on TV before," he backpedals. "So many girls at Shujin said you were attractive, and you looked good on TV, but I thought that was mostly because they edited the way you looked on air." Oh, god. He needs to stop talking. "I was surprised you actually looked as good as you did in person."

Silence. Ren exhales and drops his hand. He risks a glance at Goro and regrets it. On a surface level, Goro's expression hasn't changed. But his _eyes—_ oh, his eyes are a blaze. 

"Did you," Goro says slowly, voice laced with so much false pleasantry it triggers every instinct in Ren to run away, "think I was going to be uglier in person?"

There is no right way to answer, but Ren can't not give a response. He hasn't backed down from any challenge Goro has given him, and he isn't going to start now.

"You were just as good looking in person as you were on TV," he says diplomatically.

Goro doesn't so much smile as he bares his teeth. Ren is looking at a predator, which does nothing to make him feel like he's accomplished anything he set out to do. 

"I see," Goro says. He grips his coffee cup, and Ren readies his body to duck should Goro throw it at him. "Well, I'm so glad I exceeded your lofty expectations of me."

Shit. "Goro—"

"I wonder," Goro continues, voice carrying a dangerous, sugary edge as he glares at Ren, "if we can issue negative points for such imbecilic examples of praise? Because I think your last attempt deserves it."

"I think you are extremely attractive," Ren blurts out. The desire to say something true and sincere wars out over the desire to not let Goro know it's true, and the end result comes out sounding flat.

Goro continues to glare. "You suck at this," he hisses.

Ren really can't argue with that. "I concede," he mutters. He drops until his upper half is laying on top of the counter, arms hanging over the edge. "You can take my point away." 

Goro snorts and takes a loud sip of coffee.

"You two are so stupid," Morgana says at last. "How are you two this stupid? I'm becoming stupid listening to you! I'm going for a walk."

"I'll join you if I'm going to get insulted further," Goro says, and Ren sighs. He pulls himself up enough to cross his arms on the counter and pillow his head on them.

"I didn't mean to imply I thought you were going to be ugly," Ren says, pouting a little as Goro sips his coffee and refuses to look at him. "I did think they made you look better with editing, because you're almost uncannily hot."

Goro sets down his coffee cup a little too hard and a little too fast. Despite it being less than half full, some of it sloshes out onto the saucer. "You don't need to convince me you thought I was good looking when we first met. I've already taken your point away."

"The point isn't the point," Ren says as Morgana groans and shoves the door open to slip out of Leblanc. "You know you're attractive. You worked hard to look good, and it worked. People agreed with you because you were good looking. That was the goal, right?"

Goro scowls. "Fat lot of good that did me. In the end, I still lost."

"But you're still hot. Okay, okay!" Ren stands to his full height and waves his hands as Goro lifts his cup in a menacing manner, "don't throw that! It's breakable."

"You are," Goro hisses as he lowers his cup, "the last person I want to hear that from."

"That you're hot? Don't throw that—!"

Goro snarls at him, but there's an extremely appealing flush over his face, and the flush goes down his neck and extends past what his shirt covers. Ren likes it. Ren likes it maybe a little too much.

Morgana's right; he is stupid.

"I'm not trying to butter you up; I'm being objective." Ren props himself up over the counter so he can be on the same eye level as Goro. "You're hot. You put a lot of effort into your appearance, and it shows. Even if you didn't put much effort into how you look, you'd still be attractive. Look at your eyes, for example." Ren tilts his head and stares directly into Goro's eyes. "I've never seen eyes the same color as yours, and you can do so much with them. They carry so much expression. I think," he mutters, more honestly than he means to, "I could look into them forever."

Ren wants to take it back as soon as he says it, or maybe play it off as a joke. Another poor attempt at complimenting Goro in their game. 

But Goro breaks their gaze and snaps his head down. Ren is forced to take a good look at Goro's reaction, and he finds he can't say anything.

Goro's shoulders are hunched so high up they're almost even with his ears. His face is red enough to make Ren a little worried about his health, and Goro won't look up from the hands he's holding in his lap. Both his arms and his back are straight and stiff, and his whole body is trembling like he ate something spicy and is trying to hold the pain in.

Ren stares at him. Goro doesn't lift his head.

"Take your fucking point back," Goro hisses between his teeth, voice shaking, and _oh_. This— This is so much worse and so much better than anything Ren could have expected.

"Uh," Ren says eloquently, and Goro jerks his head up. His face is still bright red, but there's steely resolution in his eyes. Warning klaxons blare in Ren's brain, but he can't look away.

"You know," Goro says, and his voice is pitched low and sultry and dark, and Ren is so fucking stupid for him and the way his voice still tremors, "you're not exactly bad looking yourself. Your confidence is highly appealing... It's no wonder so many people want to throw themselves at you." Goro leans forward and purrs out the next words. "I can sympathize with them."

Oh, fuck, fuck, _fuck_. Goro has no right to sound like that when his body is still flushed and shaking from embarrassment. 

"Why'd you give me the point back if you were going to take another one," Ren says before he drops his face onto the counter. 

"You ought to be grateful my lead isn't as large as I was hoping for," Goro says, voice pitched back to normalcy. "I'll have to try harder next time."

"Ugh," Ren says in lieu of anything else. Goro drains the rest of his coffee.

"Well," he says as he pushes the empty cup and saucer towards Ren, "I should go. I have some work I need to do." Ren hears the scrape of the chair legs on the floor, but he doesn't lift his face off the counter. "Good luck with your readings and your shift."

"Thanks," Ren says in monotone. He waits until Goro leaves, the door clicking shut behind him, before lifting his head. He counts to ten, makes sure the store is empty, and then groans loudly and buries his face in his hands.

He is so fucked.


	3. DAY THREE - Sunday

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ermina ([@Ermina_29 on Twitter](https://twitter.com/Ermina_29)) drew an accompanying piece for this chapter! You can see it here:  
> <https://twitter.com/Ermina_29/status/1292913448649732097>

** DAY THREE - Sunday **

Ren's Sunday shifts at Leblanc are short, which he's appreciative of, because Ren realizes too late he's got a paper due on Wednesday he hasn't started yet. At noon, when Sojiro comes to relieve him, Ren books it out of Leblanc in his dry, slightly mildewy sneakers and heads to campus to park himself in the library. He leaves Morgana behind, as camping out in the library has never been enjoyable for him, but it means Ren can devote more of his brain to find the materials he's required to use as sources.

When he arrives at the library, Ren's heart sinks. The ground floor has no empty tables. The white noise of keyboards clacking, pens scratching, papers rustling, and voices whispering is less background noise and more, well, _noise_. It's loud in the library, and the dread builds as Ren goes upstairs to try his luck.

The second floor is full, as is the third and the fourth. It is, to be fair, the busiest time of the semester, but Ren still despairs as he walks back and forth in an attempt to find a place to set up camp for several hours. Libraries aren't supposed to be popular anymore. People are supposed to pirate or get ebooks. Cafes with free wifi and lots of outlets are supposed to be the location of choice for studying.

Eventually, as he meanders around the second floor, hoping for a lucky break, he spots a familiar head bent down and tapping away at a laptop. The table is in a corner, one of only three in the area, and the corner is blocked off by several shelves and a display case about a torn-down statue of some wealthy old man who helped fund the construction of the library. It is as secluded as it can get given how full it is in the library. Ren isn't surprised Goro had managed to claim it.

Despite attending the same university, Ren doesn't really see Goro on campus much. He doesn't share any classes with any of his friends except Makoto: Psychopathology.

Ren loves the class. Partially because he has a friend to commiserate with, but mostly because he likes to take pictures of his lecture notes and passages from his textbook, then send them to Goro with the line, "Is this you?"

Ren looks forward to Goro's response more than the class itself, even if that means he has to endure Goro showing up unexpectedly at Leblanc the morning after Ren sends him something particularly bad. He's gotten used to Goro shooting him in the face with a foam dart by this point. It's funny. Ren has almost filled an entire cardboard box with them; he plans to give them back to Goro for his birthday.

He drops his bag on the table without saying anything, then pulls back a chair and sits in it. Goro snarls as he looks up, face twisted into a grimace, and it's one of the most unattractive things Ren has ever seen.

He loves it. Ren grins at him as Goro does a double take, grimace vanishing from his face when he sees who's sitting with him.

"Share the table?" 

Goro levels a Look at him in response. He shoves his papers and books around the table so there isn't any free space left other than what Ren's bag is taking up. "No."

Ren kindly rearranges Goro's notes into a tidy pile. "There's nowhere else to sit."

"Too bad. There's no space for you here either. I don't need any distractions today."

"Neither do I. I'm being serious about there being no place to sit. I need to start researching for a paper without resorting to sitting on the floor. Please. I'll buy you dinner later to make up for it. Anywhere you want. Price doesn't matter."

Like Yusuke, Goro can be tempted into all sorts of things with the promise of a meal. Unlike Yusuke, who's tempted by being fed above all else, Goro is tempted by the promise of a _free_ meal—preferably at an expensive restaurant so he can order the most extravagant dish on the menu and watch the other person weep for their wallet. 

Goro claims he's a gourmet, but Ren knows he doesn't really care about the flavor of the food half the time. So long as it's edible and decent, Goro is content. If it's expensive and someone else will sweat over the idea of paying for it, Goro is happy.

The smile he's wearing is as sharp and dangerous as a blade. "Price doesn't matter?"

Yikes. "Under 10,000 Yen."

Goro rolls his eyes. "Of course," he mutters, but he pulls his notes and books towards himself. "If you speak, I'll kick you out."

Ren gives him a terrible, sloppy salute in lieu of responding, and Goro gives Ren the most exasperated look Ren's seen from him in a while. With most of the table clear, Ren sets up his laptop, flips to a fresh page in his notebook, then heads towards the stacks to find sources to work with.

He does not break down from the ambiguity of the assignment syllabus in the middle of the stacks, which Ren is proud of. He grabs eight books that look relevant, even though he only needs four sources, and heads back to the table. He flips through them, skimming the table of contents and the section headers, hoping to find some topic he could write seven pages about and won't drive him to misery.

It doesn't take very long for Ren to get absorbed in what he's doing. He reads, takes notes, returns books, grabs new ones, reads some more, and so forth and so on. Time passes without him noticing, too focused on finishing a skeleton outline of what he wants his paper to be. Goro's forceful typing, punctuated every so often by pages flipping, becomes part of the background noise. They say nothing to each other, and both of them remain quiet save for the occasional whisper of a swear or muttered line.

This is why Ren jumps when he feels the cold condensation of a water bottle on the back of his neck. He bangs his knee on the edge of the table, and he winces and bends in half to rub the bruised area. Goro sighs then sets the water bottle on the table, thankfully not near anything electronic or made of paper. 

"It's been almost three hours." Goro takes his seat again and twists open the bottle. "Hydrate."

Ren stares at Goro drinking water for a second before he checks the time. He notices the ache in his lower back and legs at the same time he realizes how absorbed he's been in his work. Ren winces as he grabs the bottle, and he throws Goro a grateful look.

"Thanks. How much do I owe for this?"

"It's a bottle of water. Don't worry about it."

The bottle pauses on the edge of Ren's lip before he tilts it back and swallows. He needs a break. Goro's in the middle of one. Ren chugs half the bottle as Goro stretches his neck, exposing the pale skin, and Ren watches it like a hawk.

"I appreciate this," Ren says once he puts the bottle down. "You're really considerate."

Goro freezes, head tilted to the side, neck bared and vulnerable. Ren really should take his eyes off it. Goro slowly straightens, hands dropping to his lap, and his posture becomes rigid.

"Oh, it's nothing," Goro says, voice pitched slightly higher and lighter than what he was using before. There's a tentativeness present in the way he speaks, and his words come out over-enunciated. "You were working so diligently; I was impressed by your work ethic and your focus."

It's not at all sincere, or if it is, it's hidden underneath layers of subtext. Ren gets it. Their last battle had escalated in an unplanned way because Ren couldn't keep his mouth shut, but Goro had met and matched him. What that means for their competition is something they should talk about, but none of their previous matches ever needed clearly defined rules.

Furthermore, their competitions have a tendency to escalate rapidly. The bicycle in the lake had started as a friendly exercising challenge to help keep each other in shape. They had broken a ceiling light trying to outdo each other with trick shots at billiards. Ren once sprained an ankle and Goro broke a pinky during an intense match of laser tag in which _they were on the same team_. 

That their complimenting war had ramped up to flirting on the second day is unsurprising. It's par for the course, except it's so much more personal than pushing each other to run laps as quickly as possible until one of them threw up while Ryuji yelled at them to stop.

Ren doesn't consider himself a competitive person, but there's something about Goro that brings it out of him. Maybe it's the fact that the two of them are so similar it scares Ren at times. Maybe it's the fact that Ren is the first friend Goro's had all his life. Maybe it's the fact that Ren has never had a bond with anyone who could take everything and anything he threw at them and return it with the same strength.

There's no need for words when actions will do just as well.

Ren shrugs and puts his elbows on the table and props his chin up with his hands. "I'm not that diligent; I forgot I had a paper due soon until today. You, though, had no reason to go buy me a bottle of water. You could've left me to dehydrate."

Goro's shoulders slouch by a microscopic amount. He crosses his arms and leans back against the chair. "Please. You're the type to push yourself past the point of exhaustion without realizing it. I wasn't going to let the cleaning staff deal with your inert body after closing."

"Aww, it's okay. You can say you care instead of trying to sound mean."

"You are the only person in the world who would claim I'm trying to sound mean instead of correctly calling me a mean person." He pauses, staring at Ren, and Ren looks back at him with raised eyebrows. Goro's not countering Ren's moves with what's expected, but he's also not _not_ playing the game. 

Goro's fingers twitch against his arms, almost like he wants to grasp the fabric of his sleeves. His arms unfold, and he leans forward, one forearm on the table and fingers splayed out across his notes. The other elbow rests on the table top, and that hand goes in front of his mouth as he looks at Ren, a self-satisfied grin peeking through his fingers. Goro's eyes become half-lidded. His gaze is smouldering, and Ren feels perspiration gathering at the back of his neck.

"Or maybe," Goro says, voice pitched low and quiet, "you say that because you don't want me to know you like it when I'm mean to you. You're always trying so hard to rile me up; it's suspicious. Well, Ren? Do you like it when I bully you?"

Oh, what the everloving _fuck_.

Before Ren can even begin to unravel the tangled skein of what's going on, Goro presses a foot to Ren's shin. It's not gentle. It's not flirtatious. It is, honestly speaking, rather painful because Goro also braces said foot by grinding his heel into Ren's toes. Ren manages to keep a straight face even as his brain flops uselessly inside his skull, trying to find the right words and actions to respond to whatever the hell Goro is doing while not losing.

"You're so mouthy today." Ren leans forward and gives Goro a cocky grin. He takes his free foot and kicks Goro's ankle. "I don't mind, but I can think of a better use for that mouth of yours."

To Goro's credit, only the tips of his ears go red, and there's no reaction otherwise in his expression. He does, however, uses his free foot to kick Ren back as he pushes down harder on Ren's toes.

"Only if you put your fingers to use for me," Goro says in a low, sensual purr while he nails Ren's shins with a kick so hard Ren flinches. "I've always been so fascinated with your hands. You have a habit of doing tricks with pens, cards, and even your phone when you're sitting. Those long fingers of yours are so dexterous; I wonder just how they'd feel—"

Ren never finds out what Goro wonders about how his fingers would feel because at that point, someone sitting at a table next to them lets out a scream and slams their textbook down with enough force to make the sound ripple through the entire floor of the library.

"I've had enough of listening to you two," the student screeches, tugging at his hair frantically as he shouts into the ceiling. "Get a room! Stop playing footsie with each other! SHUT! UP!"

Ren and Goro freeze as they watch the student rant, volume increasing with every word. Every person at the third table in their corner is staring at them. Hell, every person on the entire floor is staring at them.

He and Goro catch each other's eyes, and Ren sees his own stunned expression mirrored in Goro. Without a word to one another, the two of them gather their things, stuffing them into their bags with far less care and far more haste than usual, and bolt out of the library as quickly as they can. The frustrated student keeps up his tirade the entire time.

They do not speak to one another until they are standing on the sidewalk in front of the library. Ren squints his eyes and puts a hand up to shield them from the bright glare of the sun.

Goro tries to straighten his belongings as they stand shoulder-to-shoulder in the middle of the sidewalk. "That went poorly."

"Not my fault," Ren says automatically. He looks away from the distance and looks at Goro, who is only marginally less radiant than the sunlight. "Hey, did you get everything you needed done?"

Goro scoffs. "Of course I did. I doubt the same can be said for you. You didn't check out any of the books you found."

"That's okay. I can ask Futaba to help me pirate them. Probably."

Goro levels an unimpressed look at him. "If you give me a list, I can pick them up for you tomorrow. Unlike you, I'm not too embarrassed to go back."

Pride and infatuation war in Ren's mind over how he wants to respond. Pride wins; infatuation is used to being smothered into the ground. "You think I'm too embarrassed to go back? I'll go back in right now."

Goro waves him off and leaves. "Have fun. I'm going home. Try not to humiliate yourself further."

"You know," Ren half-shouts as Goro walks away, "it won't kill you to be honest sometimes."

Goro doesn't even bother looking back.

* * *

Ren weaves his way through the afternoon throng of students and people out for the weekend and arrives at the station. He endures the crowds waiting for the subway before getting on board. It's standing room only, which he expects, and Ren dutifully stands still and stares at an inoffensive advertisement for soap the entire trip back. He makes it down the streets of Yogen-Jaya, into Leblanc, past Sojiro's perfunctory greeting, avoids waking up Morgana, and finally sits on his bed before putting his head into his hands and muffling a scream in his throat.

Goro's low, sultry voice and sensual words _won't. Stop. Replaying_ in his mind. Ren needs to get Morgana to sleep over at the Sakuras' tonight, because waiting until Leblanc is closed before he can relieve the pressure is going to take all the patience and willpower he owns.

Ren is so completely and utterly fucked.


	4. DAY FOUR TO DAY SIX- Monday to Wednesday

** DAY FOUR TO DAY SIX- Monday to Wednesday **

Ren doesn't see Goro for the next day. In fact, after their study session in the library, they don't exchange any form of communication for over a full day. Given what happened, Ren figures it's probably for the best.

He caves on Tuesday. Ren's Psychopathology class starts a quick module on abnormal child psychology, and all of the notes and passages in the textbook hit too close to home for Ren to send to Goro. But it's a game turned tradition between them, so Ren finds the most innocuous image he can send—which turns out to be a picture of a child stomping on the ground in a tantrum—and captions it with, "You when the writers make another half-assed excuse to not have Grey Pigeon join the Rangers."

Goro responds three hours later with an Instapic filtered picture of a milk foam bear with chocolate sauce eyes sitting on top of a cappuccino in one of the trendier cafes in Shibuya. Ren shudders when he sees it; the idea of room temperature—or worse, _cold_ —milk foam sitting out in the open causes his stomach to churn. He doesn't respond to the affront against coffee Goro's sent him, and spends the rest of the afternoon and evening fully absorbed in finishing his paper.

Wednesday is the first day he sees Goro again. After saying his goodbyes to Morgana and Sojiro, Ren leaves Leblanc. The door hasn't even shut yet when a foam dart hits him dead center on the nose. Goro lowers his foam dart gun, reloads it, and manages to pelt Ren in the back of the head even as Ren tries to duck and run. 

They end up going to the station together once Goro stops trying to hit Ren with foam darts. The morning commute is crowded, as usual, and the two of them stand smooshed together amidst the packed car. Ren watches Goro's grip clench and unclench each time he's jostled. Watches the way Goro keeps his head down and gaze focused on the dingy car floor. Watches the way the tendons in his neck flex with strain when he's bumped into. 

Ren starts a conversation about predictions for how the current season of Featherman will turn out, and by the time they arrive at their stop, Goro and Ren are locked in a debate about where the plot and themes of the season are going. Their feet take them to campus out of pure muscle memory, then they linger and loiter outside as their debate continues before it morphs into some nonsensical argument about which villain had the worst looking outfit. 

They cut their argument short when they notice they're both going to be late, and Ren runs off to his first class with a mental image of Yusuke clutching his head in pain while on his knees, screaming about aesthetics thanks to a comment Goro made. 

Turning in his paper feels like freedom, although his workload doesn't lighten when another class assigns him a presentation due two Fridays from now. Still, it's an immediate concern off his back, and Ren celebrates by indulging in the age old tradition of slacking off. He lets Ryuji enable him into getting ramen together before heading to the arcade. They waste an hour and a half there—during which time Ren loses nearly an entire shift's worth of money failing to get a Featherman noodle topper—before Futaba makes demands for them to stop goofing around in the arcade and join her in multiplayer Underseen.

They settle in the Sakura living room and play for almost two hours before Ryuji has to stop because he's getting too salty, Ren has to stop because his hands are cramping, and Futaba has to stop because too many players have reported her for toxicity. 

"I'm saying what everyone's thinking! No one appreciates someone who locks in DPS and doesn't even pick a hitscan character against Flyer," Futaba says. She's taken up the entire couch, one leg hooked over the back of the couch as she stretches out. "And no one wanted to play support and heal!"

"Hey, I played Benevolence for six effin' maps." Ryuji gives up on sitting upright and falls back. He kicks his legs into the air as he sprawls out, and then lets them drop with a thud. "Sucked at her, but I tried. That's way more than any of the idiots we queued up with did. Man, did you catch what that one guy said when I switched to her? 'Only pussies play support.' The hell? Healin's the hardest thing to do in the game!"

"Shouldn't have healed him," Futaba says.

"I didn't wanna, believe me, but the asshole was actually good at Spyder."

"Eh, Ren could've played her."

"Not as well as he could." Ren shakes out his hand. "She's not my strongest character."

"But it would have been better than playing with that jerk! Ugh, next time we get matched with bad players, I'm gonna activate some hacks and lock in their character before they do."

"Gee," Ryuji quips from the floor, "wonder why ya get banned so much."

Futaba rolls over and presses her face to the back of the couch. "Don't make it sound like it's all my fault, Ryuji! I wouldn't have to resort to that if other people weren't rude!"

They share a silent moment of solidarity with one another as Morgana crawls out from underneath the coffee table. 

"I don't get it," he says as he sniffs one of the laptops on the table. "Why do you keep playing the game if it makes you so upset?"

Ryuji shrugs. "Cause it's fun?"

"It's fun when you don't have to deal with other people," Ren corrects. 

"Ick," Futaba mumbles into the couch. "Other people."

Morgana looks like he's about to launch into a person-sized lecture from his cat-sized body, but they're saved when their phones go off with the PT group chat notification. In brilliant synchronicity, everyone save Morgana pulls out their phone, only to find a picture of a deer alarmingly close to the camera, the setting sun a shining halo of light in the background.

> **Ryuji** : WTF
> 
> **Yusuke** : How do I convince him to leave me be? 
> 
> **Futaba** : Inari, are you in Nara or something?!
> 
> **Haru** : Oh, he's adorable! Look at those big eyes!
> 
> **Ann** : Uh, yeah, where are you? Please don't tell me you're actually in Nara...
> 
> **Yusuke** : I am presently in Inokashira Park.  
>  **Yusuke** : I desired to paint the lake after our visit last week, now that the bicycle is no longer polluting the water.
> 
> **Ren** : You couldn't see it from the surface.
> 
> **Yusuke** : But as I was setting up my easel, this deer appeared and knocked over my things with his antlers.
> 
> **Makoto** : Is this a fully grown buck?
> 
> **Yusuke** : How does one tell if it is fully grown or not?
> 
> **Makoto** : Are you okay?
> 
> **Yusuke** : I am not.  
>  **Yusuke** : This creature has caused all of my blue paint to explode onto the ground.  
>  **Yusuke** : Now it is trying to step on my tube of cadmium yellow.
> 
> **Ryuji** : Sooooo...you're fine
> 
> **Yusuke** : I am most assuredly not! My setup has been decimated!   
>  **Yusuke** : Does no one know how to get him to leave me be?
> 
> **Futaba** : He's totally fine.
> 
> **Haru** : Aw, if the deer's just curious about your painting supplies and staying out of your way otherwise, then that's kind of sweet... Animals think you're nonthreatening! 
> 
> **Yusuke** : He is in my way. Shooing him has accomplished nothing.
> 
> **Ann** : Yusuke's like a Destiny Princess!   
>  **Ann** : Prince.  
>  **Ann** : You know what I mean! Animals love him.
> 
> **Ryuji** : Wait, hold up. What other animals love him?
> 
> **Ann** : Uh, lobsters?
> 
> **Futaba** : He sure loved them, but I don't think they reciprocated.
> 
> **Yusuke** : Does no one care about my plight? 
> 
> **Goro** : This is the most entertaining thing I've watched all day, even if I can feel my brain cells dying from the exposure.
> 
> **Ren** : I still can't get the mental image of Destiny Prince(ss) Yusuke out of my brain.
> 
> **Futaba** : Not sure if want!!!
> 
> **Ryuji** : It ain't the first thing that pops into my mind when I think of Yusuke, that's for sure.
> 
> **Haru** : What's the first thing that pops into mind for Yusuke for you, Ryuji? For me, it's feeding him.
> 
> **Ryuji** : It's art. Ain't it art for everyone?
> 
> **Ann** : Yeah, it's definitely art.
> 
> **Makoto** : I've called the park staff, Yusuke. They should be there soon to help you.  
>  **Makoto** : And it's also art for me.
> 
> **Futaba** : Being a complete weirdo.
> 
> **Ren** : Nudity
> 
> **Goro** : Art as well— what
> 
> **Haru** : Oh my! 
> 
> **Ann** : okay yeah that too  
>  **Ann** : But not like Yusuke being nude!  
>  **Ann** : It's him asking other people to be nude!
> 
> **Yusuke** : How rude.  
>  **Yusuke** : I have not asked anyone to pose nude for me in months.
> 
> **Futaba** : "months"
> 
> **Ann** : ANYWAY...  
>  **Ann** : Hey, what pops into mind for everyone when you think about, say...  
>  **Ann** : Ryuji!  
>  **Ann** : Because for me, it's loud.
> 
> **Ryuji** : Ann, what the eff
> 
> **Ren** : Loud
> 
> **Futaba** : Loud
> 
> **Goro** : Loud
> 
> **Yusuke** : Loud as well
> 
> **Haru** : Loud.
> 
> **Ryuji** : you guys suck
> 
> **Makoto** : Determined and brave
> 
> **Ryuji** : THANK YOU, MAKOTO
> 
> **Makoto** : And...loud.
> 
> **Ryuji** : Damn it!  
>  **Ryuji** : Fine! How about Ann? Cause the word that pops into my mind is also loud!
> 
> **Yusuke** : Is that allowed?  
>  **Yusuke** : And my word is "beautiful."
> 
> **Ryuji** : damn that backfired
> 
> **Ann** : I am not loud!  
>  **Ann** : Thank you, Yusuke!
> 
> **Makoto** : Fashionable.
> 
> **Haru** : Mine's close to that! Stylish!
> 
> **Futaba** : Sexy!
> 
> **Goro** : Crepes.
> 
> **Ren** : Meow meow nya nya
> 
> **Ann** : Thanks every— Ren what
> 
> **Ryuji** : dude
> 
> **Makoto** : Ren, are you okay? Or are you trying to impersonate Morgana again?
> 
> **Ren** : No, it's the catsuit.  
>  **Ren** : And Panther? Cats?
> 
> **Ren** : Someone say something
> 
> **Goro** : Another sad victim of toxoplasmosis. 
> 
> **Ren** : Someone else say something.
> 
> **Ann** : What does everyone think of when they think of Ren?  
>  **Ann** : I'll start: Coffee
> 
> **Ryuji** : Coffee
> 
> **Haru** : Coffee.
> 
> **Makoto** : Coffee
> 
> **Futaba** : Coffee
> 
> **Yusuke** : Curry
> 
> **Ren** : Thanks, Yusuke.
> 
> **Yusuke** : It was my pleasure.
> 
> **Goro** : Extremely attractive.

It is at this point Futaba and Ryuji start yelling.

"What the eff?!" Ryuji yells as the exact same words pop up from him in the group chat.

Futaba, meanwhile, simply screams a single, consistent sound into the living room, fingers flying furiously across her phone. 

"Dude," Ryuji says as messages start swarming the group chat, most of them proclamations of shock, "did Akechi just freakin' confess to finding you attractive?!"

Ren doesn't reply. He can't really do anything other than watch the messages fly by as a nauseating sense of dread grapples up from his stomach to his throat. This is part of the game. Goro's throwing Ren's own words back at him. This is a sneaky, underhanded move and Ren should feel appalled and a little impressed, not— 

He grips his phone harder to hide the trembling in his hands.

> **Ryuji** : WHAT THE EFF
> 
> **Futaba** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
>  **Futaba** : WHAT'S HAPPENING?!  
>  **Futaba** : IS IT FINALLY HAPPENING?!
> 
> **Ann** : woah wait what  
>  **Ann** : WHAT
> 
> **Haru** : Akechi, you find Ren attractive?
> 
> **Goro** : Yes.   
>  **Goro** : Don't most people?
> 
> **Futaba** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
> 
> **Ryuji** : holy shit
> 
> **Haru** : I didn't expect you to be so upfront about it.
> 
> **Ann** : oh my god
> 
> **Futaba** : THIS IS SO ANTICLIMACTIC 
> 
> **Ann** : OH MY GOD?!
> 
> **Goro** : Please don't misunderstand.  
>  **Goro** : I meant what I said, but I hardly think it's a controversial opinion to say Ren is attractive.  
>  **Goro** : In fact, I wonder how many people here *don't* find him attractive. 
> 
> **Yusuke** : I understand Akechi's point. I, too, find Ren to be aesthetically pleasing. Very few people have features as striking as his.
> 
> **Makoto** : Finding Ren aesthetically pleasing and finding him attractive are two very different things.
> 
> **Goro** : While true, I dare anyone here to say they have never at one point found themselves at least somewhat attracted to Ren.
> 
> **Futaba** : WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT  
>  **Futaba** : Finding someone attractive and being attracted to them are two different things!  
>  **Futaba** : So are you counting yourself in your statement as well, Akechi?
> 
> **Goro** : Of course. I have eyes.
> 
> **Futaba** : asdfghsakj;;k
> 
> **Ann** : omg
> 
> **Ren** : okay take your point now stop
> 
> **Goro** : Thank you.  
>  **Goro** : That brings the score to 4:1, my favor.  
>  **Goro** : You had better step up your game, Ren. This isn't even a challenge anymore.
> 
> **Yusuke** : Ah, so this is how their competition has evolved. 
> 
> **Ann** : WHAT
> 
> **Futaba** : EXCUSE ME??!?!
> 
> **Haru** : I'm sorry, are you two serious right now?
> 
> **Makoto** : I feel a headache coming...

"Hey, man," Ryuji says as Futaba's screeching comes to an abrupt halt, "are you okay?"

It takes a second for the question to sink in, and another second for Ren to understand it. 

"Yeah," he says as he stares at the group chat. His thumbs are trembling. He can't tighten his grip any more. "Everything's fine."

Ren's aware of Morgana trying to crawl into his lap in the same way he's aware of the lights being on.

"Are you sure?" Morgana sticks his head over Ren's phone to get a better look at Ren's face. His head blocks the screen in the process, and Ren isn't sure if he's grateful for that or not.

"Yeah. Everything's fine."

"Sorry, but that sounds like a load of bull." Ryuji sits up and fixes Ren with a look of concern that makes Ren feel like he's got ants crawling all over his skin. "You don't look like everything's fine, and you sure aren't actin' like it, either."

"Yeah, I agree with Ryuji." Futaba also sits up. She tucks her knees up beneath her chin and stares at Ren through her thick lenses with a troubled expression that looks wrong on her face. "I know you don't like us pointing this out, but, um... You're petting Mona with a shaking hand."

He hadn't even realized he was petting Morgana. He hadn't realized he had dropped his phone. 

"Oh," Ren says, staring into Morgana's concerned eyes. "Okay," he says slowly, thoughts running through his head like a runaway train. All he can hope for is that it crashes against something nonessential.

Morgana lowers his ears and he headbutts Ren's palm. "You know you can talk to us about anything."

Before his runaway train of thought can derail itself completely, Ren takes in a deep breath and steels his expression. 

"I guess I am upset." Ren seals his honesty off. "I wasn't expecting Goro to take it to the group chat, and that feels like cheating."

He waits a beat. No one says anything. He can't read the room, but he won't have to if he can keep going. The train may be off the rails, but that doesn't mean it has to _stop_.

"I mean, of course I'm going to be flustered if he drags other people into it." Ren runs a hand through his hair. His hands still tremble. "How am I supposed to top that? He's changed the boundaries of the game. Amping it up to flirting is one thing, but getting you guys involved?" Ren flops backwards, legs still crossed, and waves a hand around lazily in the air. "That's cheating, right? You guys agree with me?"

More silence. Morgana doesn't move from his lap. 

"Why does he always play dirty," Ren whines, playing up his aggravation for all it's worth.

"Are you effin' serious right now," Ryuji says after a tense second of silence. "THAT'S what you're upset about!?"

"I don't want to lose," Ren mutters. He takes a deep breath. Tries to still the shaking in his limbs. It's easier if he can skirt the edge of the truth, easier to steer the train if he keeps up the momentum. "But I don't want to play dirty like he does. You guys put up with enough."

"You are so stupid," Morgana says from Ren's lap. He walks on Ren, steps on two pressure points in the process, and stops when he's standing on Ren's lungs. Ren winces; Morgana needs to go on a diet. "How are you this stupid?! I know I ask it a lot, but come on! How the hell did your brain lose so many brain cells so quickly!?"

"Morgana, I can't breathe with you sitting on my lungs."

"Mona's right," Futaba says as Morgana kneads into Ren's chest in warning. "You are being stupid right now."

"Thanks for the support, you two," Ren mutters as he lifts Morgana off. "I'm glad I can always count on my navigators."

"I'm being serious!" Futaba wraps her arms around herself and sets them over her knees until the only thing Ren can see of her face are her eyes. "I... I know I'm intruding where I'm not supposed to, but, um. Since you did it to me all that time ago, I think it's only fair I do it to you now."

Ren drops Morgana. His heart plunges into ice water. "Futaba."

"No, listen! I'm gonna say it! Are you sure you want to be doing this weird compliment-flirting competition thing with Akechi when you've— When you're—"

Futaba trails off, and Ren pushes himself up in a panic. The train is rapidly heading towards a cliff. He has to get it back on track.

"Futaba," he says again, but there's too much going on for his brain to say something that won't cause everything to crash.

"Ryuji, gimme a hand!" Futaba looks at Ryuji with a pleading expression. "You know what I mean, right?"

Ren wants to make a retort, wants to say that of course Ryuji doesn't know what Futaba's talking about, but he's cut off by Ryuji's sigh. He rubs the back of his head; he doesn't look at Ren, but there's a resigned expression on his face and his body language screams discomfort.

"Look, I ain't gonna judge or nothin', but are you sure you wanna play this game with Akechi when you've got the hots for him?"

The train runs off the cliff and plunges into the frozen depths.

He's drowning. He's freezing. His body is cold. He can't move, can't breathe, can't— 

Morgana puts a paw on Ren's chest. "Hey... Breathe..."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Ren says. Three pairs of eyes look at him in disbelief and— What is that expression they're all wearing? He knows they've all worn it before, but never directed at himself like this.

Ryuji's eyes are unbearably sympathetic. "Hey, it's okay. I meant what I said: we ain't gonna judge you. We just wanna, you know, be here for ya. If it makes you feel better, you can think of it like us, uh, payin' you back? 'Cause you were there for us all the time."

It does make Ren feel better, but the fact Ryuji knows it makes him feel better has Ren feel worse.

"Okay," Ren says as he picks Morgana up and pets him, "I think I need some clarification. You two think I've got a thing for Goro?"

Futaba lets out a huff. "You don't have to pretend! We know. We've known."

"Yeeeeaaah. It's an open secret. Sorry, man."

Ren drops Morgana and gets a set of cat claws sinking into his thigh in response. "Woah, hey! Stop picking me up if you're going to drop me each time!"

He ignores him. "How open?"

Ryuji and Futaba exchange looks. 

"I think," Ryuji starts, then stops and frowns. "Yeah, okay, I'm pretty sure it's everyone."

"Ngh," Ren says eloquently.

Futaba almost falls off the couch with how much she's leaning towards Ren. "Probably not Akechi! I mean, you two both have the emotional constipation thing going on, but if he hasn't said anything by _now_ — Oh, I guess unless he knows and he doesn't care?"

"Ngh," Ren says more emphatically.

"Dude, you're not helping!"

"Well, I don't see you helping!"

"Why is everyone here so damn _**stupid**_!" Morgana yells, and Ren's fairly certain the volume of Morgana's voice has damaged his eardrums. 

Ren isn't sure when he became horizontal again, but it unfortunately allows Morgana to walk on his chest. His chest, which is filled with ice water. He's shocked he doesn't spit any of it out when Morgana steps on him. 

"Look," Morgana says, voice soft and ears flat against his head, "no one wanted to say anything because it wasn't any of our business. We thought you two came to some sort of understanding, or at least an agreement, but now?" 

Morgana sits down, and the weight feels like the pressure of the frozen ocean. The lashing of his tail feels like the currents pulling Ren further and further away from the shore. The train is sinking, and it's dragging him down into the depths with it.

"None of us can read Akechi as well as you can," Morgana continues, oblivious to Ren's rapidly approaching demise, "but I know he doesn't hate you. Even if you want to mention your crush on him—" Here, Ren grunts so harshly, he nearly heaves Morgana off with the violence of making the sound. "—Woah, hey! Watch it! Anyway, even if you were planning to confess, it's still a stupid idea to play this sort of game with him."

"I don't want to confess," Ren says.

"That makes the game you two are playing even more stupid," Morgana yells, thwacking his tail against Ren's chest like he's beating a drum. 

"Gotta agree with the cat on this one," Ryuji says. Morgana hisses in response, but Ryuji pushes on. "You're a pretty unreadable guy sometimes, even after all these years of knowin' ya, but Akechi's on a whole 'nother level. I know you can read him like a book, but we sure can't."

"And he knows how to read you way better than we can, as much as I hate admitting it," Futaba says. "Seriously, that thing you two do where you can look at each other and we all start worrying about what you're going to break next? Creepy as hell!"

"What," Ren asks, but he's overridden when Ryuji leaps to his feet.

"Oh, yeah! And that thing where they have one conversation while having another conversation at the same time and Akechi gets all mad at us for not being able to keep up with their double-speak or whatever?" He gives Ren an apologetic look. "Sorry, Ren. I love ya, but you and Akechi are insufferable when you're together."

"You think that's insufferable? Ha!" Morgana steps right on Ren's sternum as he turns around to face Ryuji. "You don't have to listen to this guy sigh and mutter about Akechi as he's laying in bed almost every night. I've had to keep the windows in Leblanc's attic unlatched so I'd have an easy escape route when this guy gets too into thinking about Akechi!"

"Oh, TMI," Futaba mutters.

"Can I please stop getting called out," Ren says. "Ok, I admit it. Maybe I have a bit of a thing for Akechi—"

"A ' _bit of a thing'_ ," Futaba says. "You are so deep in denial!"

"—but I'm not going to stop playing. I can't. I'd lose if I did."

There is not even a courtesy second of silence as the other three occupants of the room explode into a cacophony of yelling.

"Dude, are you serious?! This ain't about winning or losing!"

"Do you have any brain cells left?! Did you use them all up in your dumb pining?!"

"You aren't the protagonist of some shounen manga! At least be the right kind of genre savvy!"

Ren's brain is saturated with ice water. "But our rivalry—"

"Oh my god, you really do think you're in a shounen manga."

"Your rivalry turned your brain into mush! You're going to get hurt!"

"Come on, man. Morgana's right. You're gonna get hurt if you keep this up."

"I know what I'm doing," Ren lies. He pushes himself up. "I'm not going to get hurt. Look, we— We have an understanding."

No one looks like they believe him.

"We're not going to let this get out of hand. I'm not going to get hurt. Trust me."

Futaba and Morgana glare at him, but Ryuji looks— Sad. Ren can't stand it. Thankfully, Ryuji's the first to break away and say something.

"We're all gonna be here for ya." His tone of voice is resigned. "Whatever happens, we got your back... Don't think you're weak for comin' to us, okay?"

Ice water pours from his mouth when Ren speaks. "Okay. I promise."

He is so fucked.


	5. DAY SEVEN - Thursday, Part One

** DAY SEVEN - Thursday, Part One **

Ren wakes up feeling like a desiccated sponge.

It takes him a long time to haul himself out of bed, and Morgana's judging stare doesn't help. He looks at himself in the dingy mirror of Leblanc's bathroom and finds he looks terrible. His drawn, bleary expression could be excused as him not getting enough sleep last night, but Ren knows he had slept the same amount as he normally does. The quality, maybe, hadn't been as good, but it's no explanation for his ragged expression.

He tries to look as alert as possible by the time he starts to help Sojiro open, but Sojiro takes one look at him before he shoves a plate of curry towards Ren and tells him to eat and take it easy.

It isn't an auspicious start to his day.

He goes through the day on autopilot until his Psychopathology class with Makoto. He puts in a little more effort into being mentally present, but there's not much he can do about how wrung out he looks. Makoto greets him as usual, then does a double take as she takes in his appearance.

"Are you all right? You look pretty bad," she says as Ren yawns.

"Stayed up too late looking up strategies on how to play Spyder in Underseen," he mumbles. He slumps over the desk and plants his face onto the wood. "I hate it when Morgana's right."

Makoto lets out a loud sigh as she arranges her notes for class. "Please try to pay attention. You can borrow my notes later, but I'm not going to be happy if you fall asleep during lecture."

"I won't." He's tired, but he's not sleepy at all. "My brain's just fried from watching people play well."

"If you decide to make a switch to e-sports instead of getting your degree, I'm sure Futaba will support your endeavors," Makoto says as the professor ambles into the room. "Until then, don't forget we have a test next week."

Ren doesn't even bother to pay attention, slipping into a semi-automatic mode of passive listening he used to get through high school. What attention he can spare is spent to find anything to send to Goro. 

But his class is still on abnormal child psychology. It's one thing to send Goro pictures of stock photos in his textbook of a clipart brain filled with gears and question marks; it's another to send Goro pictures of dead-eyed, angry children with clinically detached captions about their potential mental state.

So Ren turns to a different portion of the textbook, snaps a picture of a criminologist pouring over notes and pictures attached to a corkboard, and sends that to Goro with a message.

> **Ren** : Is this you when you're coming up with your overly elaborate and incorrect Featherman theories?
> 
> **Goro** : Haha, very cute.  
>  **Goro** : I'm collecting on my promised dinner tonight. Meet me at Kichijoji at 6:30. I'll take you to the place we'll be dining at.  
>  **Goro** : Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about your budget.

"Shit," Ren says under his breath, and that's another sign of how out of it he is. Makoto tilts her head towards him in his peripheral, and Ren puts his phone to sleep without even responding. 

When class ends, Makoto hounds him about what happened, and Ren manages to get her to back off by telling her a truncated version of the truth—he owes Goro dinner, he's afraid for his wallet, Goro's going to mercilessly pick on him while he's tired—then flees under the guise of going back to take a nap. 

He does not take a nap.

There's nothing Ren can do about his mental state except push himself through; hopefully the imminent doom of dining with his exposed crush will be enough of a heady rush to snap him out of the funk. There is, however, something he can do about how he looks. So he washes his face, freshens up, and despairs a little about not knowing how moisturiser works. 

Morgana asks him what his plans are for the evening, and he yowls once Ren tells him. Ren thoroughly ignores Morgana as he changes clothes, and he ignores him more when he realizes he never texted Goro back a confirmation. From there, it's half-an-hour of not being jittery, keeping Morgana from sinking his claws into Ren's thighs as punishment for ignoring him, and not thinking too hard about why he's so nervous about the dinner.

When it comes time to leave, he runs.

Goro is waiting for him when he steps out of the station. He leans against a wall and browses his phone with a carefully manufactured expression of neutral disinterest. When Ren walks up to him, Goro puts his phone away and looks up at Ren with an unmanufactured smile.

Then Goro sees Ren's face.

"You look terrible," he says, smile giving way to a frown. Ren tries not to let his shoulders slump too much.

"Long story," he mutters. "Where are we eating?"

Goro stares at him for a moment. Ren knows that piercing look, has been the recipient of that particular stare more times than he can count. He stares back and gives as good as he can, but Goro's frown becomes more deeply set in his face.

Goro turns towards Sun Road without wiping the frown off. Ren stares at his back as he speaks. "It's an Italian place not too far from where I live," Goro says, tone neutral. "Don't worry; it's not expensive at all. I figured it would be kind to take pity on your wallet, given you still need to buy a new pair of shoes."

"Thanks," Ren says flatly. Goro starts walking without a response.

They meander through the covered walkways of Sun Road until Goro turns to Itsukaichi-kaido. The mid-spring sun hovers above the horizon, even at this hour of the evening, but the slight chill in the shadows bite at Ren's skin in a pleasant way. Crowds swarm up and down the street, visiting shops and chattering away like noisy birds at dawn. In contrast, Ren and Goro walk side-by-side in silence.

The silence suits Ren just fine. He's too tired to figure out what to expect from Goro tonight, and he doesn't know if he wants Goro to continue their game at dinner or not. On one hand, engaging in any sort of battle with Goro is a surefire way to wake Ren up. On the other hand, Ren's not sure if he can take Goro's flirting the day after having his feelings called out. 

"Care to share your thoughts?" Goro says, and Ren blinks in surprise. Goro's not by his side anymore because Ren's turned off into the side street that leads to Goro's apartment. "Because you seem to be so preoccupied by your own mind, you've reached new levels of carelessness."

"Uh," Ren says. He rubs the back of his neck. "Sorry. My feet led me down this way automatically."

Goro stares at him again, lips pursed together so hard the skin around them goes white. "I see. Well, while the restaurant is close to my apartment, it is not _that_ close." He sighs and grabs Ren's hand. "We're going to be on Itsukaichi-kaido a while longer. Come on."

Ren barely hears him because he realizes Goro isn't wearing any gloves, and the skin of his hand touches the skin of Ren's hand. Goro's fingers are on Ren's palm. Phantom flames lick up Ren's arm, and heat emanates from the points of contact where their hands meet.

"You have to move your legs in order to walk," Goro hisses, and with a pull that nearly causes Ren to fall over, he continues to walk again.

Ren expects Goro to let go once they start moving, but much to his shock and distress, Goro doesn't. He hangs on, skin against skin, grip unyielding, and half-drags Ren to the restaurant. It's probably not meant to mean anything. Ren's probably reading too much into it. Goro's probably pissed off Ren's not all there.

Or maybe, Ren thinks—the gears in his brain turn again as if Goro Akechi touching him was the stimulus needed for Ren's mind to reboot itself—this is another move in the game. Given it's Goro, it's likely both.

The rational part of Ren's brain tells him it's a stupid idea to fake-flirt with his real crush at a real dinner he's paying for. The irrational, competitive, enamored with Goro part of his brain, however, tells him otherwise. 

If Goro wants to see who'd buckle under the pressures of a fake date first, Ren will gladly indulge him. 

And that, Ren knows, is a problem. His brain shouldn't function properly at the thought of being able to beat Goro in something. He shouldn't feel energized by the possibility of making Goro seeth in the taste of defeat. He should be more concerned about how the lines of real and fake flirting will blur for him. He shouldn't be so excited about indulging Goro in this, but— 

He wants to indulge Goro in everything. 

Ren adjusts their grips so his fingers can entwine with Goro's, and Goro responds by nearly stumbling into the road. It's a combination of Ren's quick reflexes and his hold on Goro's hand that prevents him from falling off the sidewalk, although the end result has Goro pressed up against Ren with Ren's arms around his middle.

This close, Ren can see traces of a scar near Goro's left eye, barely visible beneath a mask of makeup. He can see how the twilight sun adds to the rich diversity of color in Goro's eyes. He can see the way Goro's Adam's apple bobs as he swallows down a response, opening and closing his mouth as he kills the words in his throat. He can see the way Goro's blush blooms on his face; the way it starts at his cheeks and spreads out like the unfolding of a rose in spring.

The city around them might as well not exist. The man in Ren's arms makes up the entirety of the universe.

"Point," Goro says, and Ren releases him.

Goro straightens his clothes and glares at the sidewalk in the same way he once stared down Shadows in the Metaverse. Ren snaps back into the present, and he takes his limp hands and jams them into his pockets.

"That's, what," Ren says, proud of how there's no tremor in his voice, "two to four, your favor? I'm catching up."

Goro huffs as he takes a few steps forward, but the tips of his ears are red. "I've still got twice as many points, and I'm not going to make it easy for you. Now come on." He extends his hand back towards Ren without turning his head. "Let's get going before it gets too late."

Ren stares at the proffered hand for half a second before taking it. Goro entwines their fingers together as soon as Ren touches him, then squeezes painfully and doesn't stop squeezing. Ren represses a wince even though Goro can't see him, and the physical pain is another helpful grounding point to the present. This is a game, and Goro's out to win. Ren can't afford to let himself get distracted; it wouldn't be a fair competition otherwise.

Ren squeezes back even harder until his hand gets sore from how much strength he's using. He smiles when the line of Goro's shoulders tenses.

When they arrive at the restaurant, both of them let go at the same time and take a few seconds to shake out their hands. Goro scowls as he rubs his hand to ease the ache, and Ren's smile grows wider. He pulls the door open with an over-the-top flourish and bids Goro to enter. The look he gets in return is acidic, but it does nothing to wipe the smile off Ren's face.

They get seated, and Goro opts to sit next to Ren instead of across from him. They're in a spacious booth, but Goro squishes himself next to Ren. He pushes against him until Ren's backed up against a wall with little space to work with. The feeling of Goro being plastered against his side makes the entire ordeal far less annoying than it should, and Ren turns to Goro with a smirk.

"Cold?" Ren asks. "I could warm you up if you want."

Goro's returned smile is cold enough to freeze a lesser person, but he spits fire when he speaks. "I'd rather set myself on fire, but seeing you in flames would be most preferable."

Ren throws an arm around Goro's shoulders and pulls him in closer anyway.

"You suck at this," he whispers in Goro's ear, and Goro tenses.

"I'm just getting started." Goro glares at the table like he is envisioning terrible violence upon it. 

"Mmmhmm," Ren says as he tries to bat away the thought he could nuzzle into Goro's neck right now and pass it off as part of their game. "You know I could let you go if you say the magic wo—"

Ren grunts as Goro expertly jabs an elbow into Ren's stomach.

"Oops." Goro's smile is as superficially sweet and equally empty of value as a can of soda. "I guess we're a little too cozy. It's just so hard to tear myself away from you now that we're alone."

The grimace Ren gives Goro is entirely real. "You elbowed me...in the stomach."

"An accident." Goro puts his elbows on the table. "I'm a bit flustered at being so intimate with you."

Despite the danger, Ren pulls Goro even closer. "Huh. That kind of sounds like I should be awarded something..."

Goro bares his teeth and slides one hand off the table. "You're going to have to try a lot harder than that, _dear_." 

With the last word, he drops his hand onto Ren's thigh. Before Ren can react, Goro grabs onto flesh and fabric and _twists_. Ren bucks and nearly knocks over the table, and he releases Goro with a hiss. Goro holds Ren's thigh for an agonizing second beyond that, only letting go when Ren tries to pry him off. He slides away from Ren, giving Ren space in the booth in exchange for an agonizing pain that will develop into a bruise the next day.

"This isn't the reward I wanted," Ren says as he massages the sore spot on his thigh. 

Goro's smile is saccharine and unrepentant. "You should've been clearer. Although it is nice to see your mood has improved. Maybe some physical pain was what you needed."

Of course Goro picked up on the fact that physical pain is a grounding point for Ren. But before he can respond, a waiter shows up and asks for their drink order. Afterwards, they finally open their menus, and Ren's response dies in his mind. 

Goro, as it turns out, hadn't been lying about taking pity on Ren's wallet: the price of the entrees are a quarter of what Ren expects to pay. Goro's mercy is welcome, but Ren can't help but feel alarm over this leniency when he'd been expecting Goro to unleash an All-Out Attack on his budget and then some.

Plus, the restaurant isn't what Ren expects Goro to go for when the meal is free. Goro's a trend-chaser; he enjoys places he can boast about going, even though he no longer maintains a food blog. His choice of eateries are usually modern, youthful, and set up to look perfect on Instapic for social clout. 

The Italian restaurant they're at is homey. Comfortable. Rustic. It feels like a more welcoming Leblanc. There's a chalkboard with the daily and weekly specials hanging on one wall, stained with chalkdust. There are potted plants all along the window sills, leaves plastered against the glass windows as they reach for the sun. The low-hanging lights above each table are unassuming, bathing the dark wood in soft, warm light. The booth seats are made of the same wood, with thick cushions laid on top for comfort. The tables are sturdy and clean, but Ren can see faint scratches on the surface from what had to be hundreds of diners throughout the years. 

The clientele fits the decor. It's the start of the dinner rush, and there are a few families with children seated at the larger tables. Other than those families, there are only couples— 

Ah, right.

This is how Goro has chosen to play the game; Ren can't disappoint. 

Ren doesn't decide on an entree so much as he picks one at random. He closes the menu as determination floods his veins. Ren can't afford any distractions; he can't afford to lose.

He's at least willing to wait until Goro has decided on what to eat before his opening move, although he does stare unabashedly at Goro until Goro snaps his menu shut. 

"So," Ren says before the menu has even hit the table, "have you eaten here before?"

"Only once," Goro says, hands resting on the table and ready to attack. "I enjoyed their pasta primavera well enough to want to try their other dishes. As much as I like Leblanc, I do want a place closer to where I live that still has good food and coffee."

The outrage in Ren's voice is only partially fake. "You're trying to replace Leblanc? I thought I was number one in your heart."

"There are days when I don't want to be packed in a sweaty, disgusting train car with fifty other people for twenty minutes for a cup of coffee. Besides, Leblanc doesn't have an espresso machine. Even if it did, I doubt you'd be able to make an adequate cappuccino."

"Coffee is an art form because every step of the process is done manually by hand," Ren says as the waiter arrives with Ren's soft drink and Goro's foamy, frothy, milk-based abomination, "not because someone's standing in front of a machine pushing buttons."

"You're jealous because you're lactose intolerant," Goro says. He takes a sip of the affront to coffee and good sense and has the audacity to moan about it. "Ah, the texture of milk foam is so pleasant."

"Disgusting," Ren mutters, but he's staring at the slight trace of foam above Goro's lip. Here it is: the perfect opening. Before Goro can retrieve his napkin to wipe it off, Ren reaches over and splays his hand across Goro's cheek. 

Goro freezes. His eyes swivel to look at Ren, but his head and body are perfectly still. Even his hand is frozen, hovering right over the napkin he was about to use. Ren stares into Goro's eyes and slowly moves his thumb over to wipe off the foam off above Goro's lip. He moves his thumb down as he wipes, ghosting it above Goro's lips, and Goro takes in a sharp, shuddering inhale of breath. That's the sign for Ren to let go, and he does so as quickly as he can before he wipes his thumb off on his own napkin.

"You had some milk on your face," Ren says casually even as his heart feels like it's beating at triple the pace in his throat. "I got it for you."

Goro's body looks like it's trying to move in eight different ways all at once, as if being jerked around by strings. It takes him a second to settle; his limbs and muscles twitch as he shifts in his seat. "...Point."

Ren should be happy about gaining two points in short succession. He should be elated the playing field is getting even. But there's something about the way Goro sits with his shoulders hunched up and his hands balled up on his lap that makes Ren's chest ache. There's something about the way the flush on Goro's face spreads out to his ears and neck that makes Ren's heart beat faster. There's something about the memory of brushing against Goro's lips with his thumb that makes the phantom sensation linger on his skin.

Ren has to work very hard to make his body behave when he realizes what it is: despite this being a game, Ren's weak, traitorous heart has made the classic mistake of not being able to separate the act from the real thing.

Goro really is the smarter one. Every one of his flirtations had been couched in acts of pain and cruelty. There had been nothing soft, nothing _genuine_ about his recent displays. He had played the game without giving any of himself away.

Ren had done the exact opposite. Everything he had done was something he wanted to do. Calculated or not, Ren hadn't indulged Goro—he had indulged himself. 

They're having a fake date involving fake flirtations for the sake of competition, and Ren's gone and fucked it up by getting his real feelings involved. He'd known, too. He'd known this would happen, but Ren had barreled ahead and thrown himself in the game anyway.

This is a fucking game of gay chicken, except Ren's the only stupid, lovestruck chicken in the game. He's a chicken playing against a scheming crow.

"What," Goro says, scowling at the table as the flush begins to fade, "no gloating?"

"Why do I need to gloat when your posture says it all?" Ren says. It's an automatic quip, and he's half-surprised when the words come out. "I'm not going to lose."

Ren lives for these competitions, but he hates losing just as much as Goro does. He takes a breath and considers his options as Goro seethes in silence and tries to set the table on fire with the force of his glare.

Ren has a weakness: He's got real feelings for the guy he's fake flirting with.

Goro has a weakness: He can't fake flirt without making it an act of aggression.

In a game where the way to score points is to fluster the other person, Goro's weakness means the only way he'll be able to score points is because Ren's already weak for him. If Ren can find a way to repress his feelings a little more, to bury them a little deeper, it could be possible for Goro's failing attempts at flirtation to do nothing but give Ren some entertainment and a couple of bruises.

At the same time, because Goro can only fake flirt by mixing it with violence, he can't handle raw, genuine tenderness. Ren has two years worth of repressed feelings ready to be used as self-destructive ammunition.

Ren won't lose the game if he's willing to emotionally eviscerate himself for it.

He's the stupidest person on the planet for considering it, but his thoughts come to an abrupt end when Goro finally turns to face him. There's fire in his eyes even though his expression is stiff and stilted. 

"All right," Goro says, and the resolve in his eyes burns so brightly it makes him incandescent. "There's no point in a one-sided affair, is there? You better not let me down."

There's nothing to do but lean in towards the light and heat. "I wouldn't dare disappoint you, Goro."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please check out the incredibly stunning art by [Renren (@sleepyt2mes on twitter)](https://twitter.com/sleepyt2mes)!  
> <https://twitter.com/sleepyt2mes/status/1293567452098502660>


	6. DAY SEVEN - Thursday, Part Two

** DAY SEVEN - Thursday, Part Two **

Despite the renewed vow of competition, Goro's strategy doesn't change much. He scoots towards Ren as the food arrives, but scoots away when their proximity and opposite handedness results in neither of them being able to eat without elbowing the other. After a few bites in, their arms still collide, Ren and Goro look at each other and wordlessly switch places.

Goro makes his next move when they're getting back into their seats again. He grabs Ren's arm as he languidly glides in first, hand sliding down from elbow to wrist, and yanks Ren down. Ren nearly faceplants into the table; he ends up falling back into the booth harder than expected, and not even the cushions are enough to spare his butt and tailbone from the impact. Ren winces, and Goro gives him a coquettish look of triumph as he switches their dishes.

"Something wrong, dear?" Goro asks as he takes back his horrible, cheesy pasta dish and his horrible, milky coffee. 

Ren tries to soften his expression and recall everything he likes about Goro. It takes practically no effort to conjure up something smitten on his face, which should be concerning given Goro is a literal pain in the ass.

"I like it when you're rough," Ren says. He's maybe being a little too unrestrained, because Goro nearly tips his plate over as he's setting it down.

"I'll keep that in mind," Goro says as he saves his pasta. "I suppose I was right about you liking it when people bully you."

Ren puts his hand over Goro's as soon as it's free. "Only when it's you, honey."

Goro stares at their hands for a second, placid expression as stiff as the butterknife he picks up like a dagger. Ren hastily lets go and eats a bite of his pasta. He watches Goro twirl his noodles around his fork like he's trying to strangle it.

So easily affected, yet not so easily defeated.

Ren barely touches his food, only taking perfunctory bites as he waits for the right moment to strike. It doesn't take long; Goro leans forward to take a bite and some of his hair falls forward towards his face. Ren reaches over and gently brushes it back and tucks it behind Goro's ear. He sweeps his fingers down the side of Goro's face and jaw as he pulls away.

Goro's fork drops back onto the plate. Ren puts his hand on his lap and tries to cover up his smirk with a fond smile.

Except Goro doesn't look at him. Goro looks at where his fork fell. His hand hovers in the air, mouth open and ready to take a bite.

A second passes. Then another. Ren considers saying something, but as soon as he opens his mouth, Goro jerks back. His hand collapses onto the table like its strings have been cut. Goro snaps his head around, and—oh. If Goro had been incandescent before, the fire in his eyes now is blinding. 

"Point," Goro says. His gaze sears itself into Ren's soul, but his voice is flat. Monotone. Empty.

And then Goro sighs and runs a hand over his face, and he changes. His shoulders droop, he slumps in his seat, and he leans his head back as he lets out a short laugh.

"I actually am hungry." He gives Ren an annoyed look, the severity of which is cut by the corners of his mouth twitching up. "I skipped lunch."

Ren takes his first breath in several seconds and feels some tension he hadn't been aware of fade. "My bad. I should let you eat."

"In this instance, I'm as much to blame for this as you are." Goro leans towards Ren a small, respectable amount. "What did you even order?"

"I don't know. I couldn't pronounce the Italian, and there wasn't any cheese in the dish, so I thought I'd try it."

Goro levels an unimpressed look on him. "I'm taking a mussel." He picks one up with his fingers without waiting for a response.

"Hey," Ren says as Goro digs out the meat with his fork, "what if that's spicy?"

"Then I'm going to be pissed off and blame you for it." He pops the meat into his mouth and chews. "Hm. Delightfully unchewy. It's not bad at all. I'm taking another one."

Ren shields his plate as Goro starts to reach. “You have your own food! Stay away from mine."

Goro rolls his eyes. "Will you let me take another one if I let you have some of mine?"

"Do you want me to suffer? Look at how much cheese and cream is in your sauce."

"Maybe I do want you to suffer." Goro twirls a modest amount of pasta onto his fork. "But a small amount shouldn't give you much distress. Or are you too much of a coward to try?"

The words themselves are low hanging fruit, too obvious to even acknowledge. But when Goro takes his fork with his right hand and brings it up to Ren, cupping his left hand beneath the pasta to catch the drippings, Ren reconsiders.

Goro's expression falters when Ren pauses. "I'm not going to shove the fork down your throat and choke you to death; there are too many witnesses."

"Gee, thanks," Ren says. He stares at the fork. The fork Goro had been using. The fork Goro had put into his mouth. The fork Goro wants to put in Ren's mouth. 

Goro is such an ass.

"Well? I'm not doing this because I like the feeling of sauce dripping onto my palm."

"Asshole," Ren says before he leans forward and eats the bait.

Goro does not try to shove the fork down his throat, which is good. The pasta is unbearably cheesy, which is not good. Ren makes a face as he chews and swallows, and Goro laughs at him before reaching around and stealing another mussel.

There's no taunt. No smug smirk. No sucking the remaining sauce off the fork before he drags the tines down his bottom lip. Goro just takes the mussel to his plate and starts eating again.

"Uh," Ren says.

Goro barely spares him a glance. "If you're having gastrointestinal distress, leave enough money for payment before running to the toilet."

"It'd be your fault if I had any." He looks away from Goro and back to his own dish. He doesn't feel like eating much, but Ren makes himself.

Goro does absolutely nothing out of the ordinary as they eat. The two of them share a normal meal together. They talk about classes, about annoyances, and about Featherman until they realize they're about to rehash the argument from yesterday. Goro doesn't put his hand on Ren's thigh, or try to scoot closer, or make flirtatious comments in that low, sultry tone of voice Ren now knows he's capable of.

They're having dinner together just like all the other times they've had dinner together.

It's not good Ren feels disappointed.

They finish their meal while they talk about various places they've been to recently. Goro forgoes dessert but orders another cappuccino, and he manages to needle Ren into ordering a shot of espresso. The espresso is _okay_ , but Ren sees no point in it—a fact he communicates to Goro as he sends his card off with the bill.

Goro gives him a condescending look as he wipes off milk foam from his upper lip. Ren has to clasp his hands together in his lap. "Your palate is too unrefined. I'll get you something with espresso and non-dairy milk to try one day."

"If you have to add something to the coffee to make it palatable, then you either don't like coffee or the coffee is bad. I know you like coffee given how much of ours you drink, so the only conclusion—"

"If Boss owned a western-style café instead of a _kissaten_ , I'm sure you'd be saying something equally dismissive about pour overs. Admit it: you have a bad case of first impression bias and can't objectively form opinions about things because of it."

Admitting Goro may have a point is unacceptable. "Those are fighting words."

"I'll pass. I find battles with such an obviously weak opponent to be dull and a waste of my time." Goro leans back and hums contentedly before Ren can retort. "This has been a nice evening. It's been a while since the two of us could spend time together without distractions."

"It is nice," Ren says through a dry mouth.

There's no barely-there tension in Goro's body from maintaining an act, no stilted tone in his voice, no controlled tightness in his expression. Goro's posture is relaxed. His limbs are loose. There's a small, soft smile on his face. His eyes aren't burning with determination anymore, but they glitter in the restaurant's soft, moody light. 

Goro simply _is_ , and he is content. Happy, even.

Ren's staring. He knows he's staring. He knows Goro knows he's staring because Goro gives him a strange look followed by a tilt of the head and now there's a spark of ember in his eyes and— 

"Ren," Goro says as the server returns with Ren's card and receipt, "walk me home?"

_'It's not a real date,'_ Ren thinks as he nods. _'It's a part of the game.'_

_'It's not a real date,'_ Ren thinks when Goro loops his arm through Ren's as they leave.

_'It's not a real date,'_ Ren thinks when Goro presses up to him for warmth as they walk, the night air growing chilly with the sun's absence. 

_'It's not a real date,'_ Ren thinks when Goro leans his head on Ren's shoulder and lets out such a happy sigh that the sound and feel of his breath against Ren's cheek vibrates down Ren's spine.

_'It's not a real—'_

"Woah, hey, Ren! And— Akechi?! H-huh?! Oh my god, Ren and Akechi? Oh, crap, I'm— I'm totally interrupting something, aren't I?!"

Ren and Goro freeze. Ann freezes. All three of them are frozen, staring at one another in the middle of the sidewalk.

Goro lets go of Ren's arm, and Ren takes that as a cue to push himself away from Goro's side. Ann springs into action as well, and she waves her hands in front of her in panic as all three of them start talking at once.

"Oh, my god! I am so, _so_ sorry for interrupting—"

"Ann, no, wait, it's not what it looks like—"

"There's been a misunderstanding."

"—your guys', um, o-outing? Uh, not that I'm trying to, y'know, _out_ either—"

"—it's just part of our competition. It's not a real date."

"You're both drawing unwanted attention. We should—"

"—of you two, it's just. Wait. A _date_?!"

"It's not a date!"

"Ren, stop yelling. You're not helping."

"R-right! I totally get it! This is totally not a date! I won't say a word, I promise! I'm really good at keeping secrets!"

"No, Ann, it's really not like that!"

"Would you both SHUT UP," Goro snaps, and Ren and Ann fall silent. Goro growls in frustration as he grinds the heels of his palms into his closed eyes. He drops them as his eyes snap open.

"We are not on a date," he says to Ann. "I am not saying this because we are being furtive about our relationship. Do you understand?"

Ann nods, but she looks at Ren while she's doing so. There's something familiar in the way she looks at him; it reminds Ren of how Futaba and Ryuji had looked at him yesterday.

"R-right." She nods vigorously, and her hair takes a life of its own. "Not a date. You two were just, uh..."

"It's just a game," Ren says. He's not sure who the words are meant for. "Nothing more than a game."

"...Oooookay! Huh. Well." Ann tries to tame one of her pigtails as she whips her head back and forth between Ren and Goro. "I guess... I'm just gonna... I'm gonna go! B-bye!"

They don't turn back to watch her leave as she cuts in between them to sprint away. The air is heavy with tension, and it makes it hard to breathe. Ren thinks longingly of a few moments ago, when Goro had been pressed up against him and Ren had to constantly remind himself that— 

Right. Not a real date.

Goro doesn't look at him when he talks, keeping his head down and eyes on the ground. "That was an unlucky encounter. I'd forgotten about her watch."

"Huh?" Ren says. Goro doesn't even shoot him an annoyed look like he normally would.

"The watch repair shop is just two buildings down from my apartment. That's most likely why she was on this street, given the lack of clothing boutiques or bakeries nearby. I miscalculated."

"Oh," Ren says. Then, because he has given two one-syllable responses in a row and Goro still won't look at him, he adds: "Maybe we should award her with a point."

Goro jerks his head up with such speed that Ren fears he might have given himself whiplash. Ren can't see Goro's face clearly in the night, nor can he read Goro's eyes. He can only watch the shadows on Goro's face hide and unhide his features as Goro's expression changes and shifts in the darkness.

"She isn't playing this game. We are," Goro hisses, and the shadows slither across his expression. "You and I are the only ones who matter in this."

"I know. It's— Goro, I was joking."

Goro turns his entire body towards Ren and takes a step closer. They're almost as close as when Goro had plastered himself to Ren's side. "I refuse to lose this. I _will_ get what I want."

Ren swallows. It feels like a ball of sludge is oozing down his throat. "I'm not planning on losing either."

This close, Ren can see how Goro's eyes reflect the dim, distant streetlights. They glimmer and glint like jewels, but their color is a bloodstain. "Good. I won't forgive you if you don't give your all."

Ren looks into Goro's eyes and feels, for the first time that night, genuine despair. There is no path he can see in which he both gives his all to Goro _and_ comes out with his feelings intact. He will either reveal the true nature of his feelings in the course of their game or betray Goro's expectations by holding back.

Ren is playing the game with a disadvantage. Unlike Goro, Ren's actually in love with his opponent.

Love.

Ren watches—in a horrible, detached sort of way—Goro frown. His eyes are still sparkling in the streetlight. Ren wants to sink into them and drown.

"Ren? Are you—"

"All right," Ren says. It doesn't sound like it's his voice coming out of his body. It doesn't feel like he's the one making his lips quirk up into a smirk. "I won't hold back. You'd better prepare yourself."

Goro keeps staring at him. Ren's fairly certain Goro's eyes have managed to steal a part of his soul.

"What's wrong?" Ren hears himself say after a few long moments of silence. He feels himself reaching for Goro's hands as he leans in, closing the gap between them further. "Did you want a good night kiss?"

Goro snarls and yanks his hands out of Ren's grasp. He takes two steps back; fury blazes in his eyes. Ren feels himself settle in his own body again and, oh. Goro could immolate him right now, and he'd welcome it.

"Don't get cocky. You may have caught up to me, but I'm not going to hold back anymore either." He crosses his arms and looks away again. "I'll see you tomorrow."

Ren blinks. "Tomorrow?"

Goro sneers at the ground. "We're going bowling, remember? Okumura and Takamaki made plans last week before we got derailed into retrieving a bicycle out of a lake."

Ren had completely forgotten. "Oh. Right. That's tomorrow? I'll see you tomorrow?"

Goro's back is to him, and Ren watches his shoulders slump. "Good night," he says before walking away. Ren can do nothing but watch him leave.

Fucked does not even _begin_ to describe it.

* * *

> **Ann** : Hey! So, uh, if you don't want to talk about it, that's fine and I'll stop asking, but  
>  **Ann** : Did I mess something up between you two tonight?
> 
> **Ren** : I'm in love with Goro Akechi
> 
> **Ann** : WOAH  
>  **Ann** : OKAY  
>  **Ann** : WAIT  
>  **Ann** : Did you confess to him!?!?
> 
> **Ren** : Of course not. I just realized it tonight
> 
> **Ann** : wait  
>  **Ann** : Did you really not  
>  **Ann** : Know you were in love with him???
> 
> **Ren** : No
> 
> **Ann** : Omg  
>  **Ann** : Okay, if you want to talk about it, I'll listen! Idk if I'll be able to give you good advice though
> 
> **Ren** : I don't know what to do
> 
> **Ann** : That's understandable. Feelings are really hard to process
> 
> **Ren** : No, not about the feelings
> 
> **Ann** : Huh?
> 
> **Ren** : About the game  
>  **Ren** : I'm playing with a disadvantage  
>  **Ren** : How do I even the playing field again?
> 
> **Ann** : Okay, you don't have to answer if I'm prying too much  
>  **Ann** : But are you deflecting right now or???
> 
> **Ren** : He's going to win, but he's going to be mad if he ever finds out he won because he had an advantage
> 
> **Ann** : Ren  
>  **Ann** : REN
> 
> **Ren** : I can worry about feelings later. The game is still happening right now  
>  **Ren** : I'm prioritizing 
> 
> **Ann** : I DON'T THINK YOU ARE  
>  **Ann** : If you don't want to talk about it then you don't have to  
>  **Ann** : But I am reminding you that you can. Whenever you want! Just shoot me a text or call or show up at my place whenever!
> 
> **Ren** : Thanks, Ann. I'll try to keep me and Goro from murdering each other with bowling balls tomorrow.
> 
> **Ann** : Oh god  
>  **Ann** : I'd say we should put you in the same team, but the last time that happened we had to send you two to the hospital  
>  **Ann** : Wait, does bowling have teams?
> 
> **Ren** : You don't know?
> 
> **Ann** : No! I've never been bowling before!  
>  **Ann** : Should we look up how bowling works?
> 
> **Ren** : I'm already looking it up.
> 
> **Ann** : Well, I'm glad I'm not the only one who doesn't know how to bowl. How hard could it be, anyway? You just knock over the pins with the ball, right?
> 
> **Ren** : A perfect score is 300
> 
> **Ann** : 300?! How many pins are there?? Okay, I'm going to look this up so I don't get excited about getting a 90 tomorrow.  
>  **Ann** : Good night! Don't forget what I said about talking!


	7. DAY EIGHT - Friday

** DAY EIGHT - Friday **

Most of Ren's day is spent trying to ignore his feelings; he ends up failing more often than not. The word 'love' and the knowledge he is—has been—in love with Goro rattles around in his brain and bounces between synapses like a pinball. It ricochets off every thought, hits every neuron like they're bumpers, and slides into every fold to obtain every point multiplier. The biggest problem is there's no drain in his brain to lose the ball. It bounces, hits everything in its path, and there's nothing Ren can do to stop it.

Love.

_Love_.

He heads towards the bowling alley in the evening with his head full of noise and light. It takes him nearly the entire way there to quiet the noise and dim the lights of his pinball machine brain, only to have his brain filled with the bowling alley's own brand of chaos. It takes Ren a moment to figure out if he's in the right place, mostly because he hadn't expected a bowling alley to be so lively. In his mind, bowling is an old man sport, enjoyed by people of Sojiro's age, and not some trendy hangout spot for high school and college students.

Ren also hadn't expected to be the first one to arrive, but it's still an unpleasant surprise to find Goro already there. He sits at a round table with his arms crossed, and he looks extremely put-out as Haru and Makoto speak to him with troubled expressions. Goro's eyes meet Ren's across the distance, and Goro unfolds his arms to wave Ren over.

Makoto and Haru stop their talk as soon as they notice Ren. It unsettles him.

"Hey," Ren says as he takes the last seat and situates himself between Haru and Goro. "Are we the only ones here so far?"

Makoto nods. "Yes. Haru and I arrived first, followed shortly by Akechi. Are you by yourself? Where's Morgana and Futaba?"

"Futaba said she wanted to get here on her own, but she took Morgana for moral support." Ren pulls out his phone and double checks the time. "She left before I did."

Haru frowns and worries at the edge of a napkin. "Do you think she's all right? Mona is dependable, but he's still just a cat..."

"I can give her a call," Ren says, but as he's about to unlock his phone, he hears the familiar sound of Futaba fervently arguing about something with Yusuke.

Futaba, as it turns out, had run into not only Yusuke on her way over, but also Ann and Ryuji as well. The latter two walk a fair distance behind her, Ann hiding a delighted looking Morgana inside her jacket, and they all exchange greetings over the din of Futaba and Yusuke's argument.

"I can already tell this is going to be one of those nights," Ann says, releasing Morgana from the confines of her jacket as Yusuke wonders if Futaba is colorblind.

"Colorblind? _Colorblind_?! I should be the one asking you that, since you seem to think Harlanterum is a better looking villain than Dina Disgusta!"

"Dina Disgusta is nothing more than an actress in a wig and gown. Harlanterum, however... Ah, now that is a true work of art!"

"Harlanterum doesn't even have a mouth! Or an even number of limbs! It's a gross gray pile of flesh goop!"

"There is beauty to be found in its macabre asymmetry."

"Well, look at that," Goro says as he stares right at Ren. "It seems our resident artist appreciates the genius behind Harlanterum's design."

"If by 'genius' you mean disgusting," Ren says. Futaba pumps her arms in the air.

"Yes! In your face, Inari! That design is gross, and Ren agrees with me!"

Ann sinks into a chair at the table next to theirs and braces her elbows on the table. She buries her face in her hands. "Make them stooooooop. They've been arguing about Featherman since before we met up."

Ryuji pulls out a seat at the same table and collapses into it. "And now they've got Ren and Akechi arguin' about it too. I can't take anymore of this nerd talk."

Futaba stops in the middle of her rant to point accusingly at Ryuji. "You like Featherman, too!"

"Yeah, but a normal amount!"

"Perhaps," Haru says as Futaba sticks her tongue out at Ryuji before resuming her rant exactly where she left off, "this is how we should split into teams?"

Makoto tucks a piece of her hair behind her ear and watches the argument unfold with open dismay. "Featherman enthusiasts versus non-enthusiasts, hm? Well, that would be the easiest way of splitting the group."

Ren, who knows he's the least invested in the Featherman talk because he's the only one who's shown any sign of hearing Makoto, nods. "No objections from me."

"Awright," Ryuji says. "If Ren says it's fine, then that's what we're goin' with. Hey, nerds," he yells at the escalating three-way argument between Futaba, Yusuke, and Goro, "stop yelling about Featherman and get ready to have your asses kicked!"

"You're yelling way louder than they are," Ann says as Futaba does a double take and Goro leans back into his seat, looking somewhat mortified. Yusuke doesn't even stop talking.

"I'm on a team with Inari and Akechi?! But they're wrong!"

"Oh my god," Ann says as she sprawls herself across the table's surface, "can we all stop yelling and bowl already!?"

Despite the team compositions being made up on the spot, it doesn't come out being horribly imbalanced. Neither Ren nor Goro have ever bowled before, but given their rapid skill acquisition rate, Ren figures it's only a matter of a few turns before they perform decently. Futaba, meanwhile, can only lift the lightest non-child weight ball easily, and she lacks the ability to put much force behind her throws. Yusuke is...well...

His performances every time he goes to throw the ball are certainly elegant and beautiful, but it does nothing for his score.

On the other hand, Haru and Ryuji have both bowled before, which gives them an advantage even if they aren't stellar. Makoto takes to bowling with the same fearsome focus she applies towards everything else, and she's the first one among their group to get a strike, even though her overall score isn't high. Ann isn't great, but she's genuinely trying, which is more than can be said for Yusuke and Futaba.

Each team has a round table for themselves, with Morgana peeking over the back of an extra chair. At Ren's table, Yusuke is standing behind the lane and observing each person as they bowl when it's not his turn. At the moment, Futaba is up, and she decides sitting on the ground and pushing the ball forward would net better results. 

Goro leans in close to Ren. "Why is it," He asks, voice low and breath tickling Ren's ear, "that I feel like it'll be up to us to salvage our team's score?"

The pinball in Ren's brain—which he had been so good about ignoring until now—ricochets at double speed. Goro's face is so close, even though his body is still far enough away for plausible deniability. It's loud in the alley, Ren reasons to himself. Anyone would have to lean in close if they didn't want to yell. Ren's being stupid because he's in love— 

Love.

The pinball shoots straight up and hits every switch on its way down.

"Probably because we'll have to," Ren manages to say, although his voice is uneven. Ideally, there will be too much background noise for Goro to notice.

Ren isn't looking at Goro; he's smart enough to know better. Even so, he can't help but be hyperaware of Goro's presence next to him, and he can see Goro scoot his chair a bit closer out of his peripheral vision. 

"You tensed up suddenly," Goro whispers right into Ren's ear. Ren uses up all his willpower to not look at him. "Is everything all right? Your voice was shaking."

Goro puts his hand on Ren's thigh. Ren tenses even more. He expects a repeat of last night's painful twist, but Goro surprises him and rubs his thigh in slow, gentle circles.

Ren still reacts in the same way; he bucks in his seat so violently, it nearly knocks the table over. Goro leans away from him and grabs the table to stabilize it.

Everyone stares at him. 

"Uh." He makes the mistake of looking at Goro. Goro, who is radiating smugness. "...Point."

Everyone groans.

"Dude, seriously?" Ryuji says.

"You're carrying on with this even now?" Haru says.

"Right in front of my awesome throw?" Futaba says.

"You only knocked down three pins, and your first attempt resulted in a gutterball."

"Shut it, Inari!"

"I'm sorry," Goro says, pleasant boy smile cranked up to eleven. "I wasn't aware that PDA was frowned upon. I'll try to keep my hands to myself."

Ren gives a heaving, shaky, over-exaggerated sigh, but when he looks around at his friends, he realizes their expressions are more somber than he expects.

Morgana breaks the tension by jumping onto the table. "Okay, I'm going to regret asking this, but could the two of you lay out what your competition actually entails?"

Ren freezes. Not once in all the competitions and games they've engaged in have they had to explicitly say what they were doing. They would sometimes have quick discussions to establish boundaries or clarify matters, but there had never been any need for the conditions of the game to be spelled out.

They understand each other, after all. Know each other in ways no one else knows. Can communicate with one another in ways that don't require things to be spoken aloud.

There's no need for words when actions will do just as well. Whatever one of them does, they do with the full knowledge the other can keep up. In a way, that's a game in and of itself. Either Ren or Goro will make a first move, and the game is to see how long it takes before the other notices and returns the hit.

Ren knows this. Knows it like he knows how to make a pour over. Knows it like he knows the back streets of Yongen-Jaya. Knows it like he knows what's it's like to always have someone watching his back. Knows it like he knows he's in love with Goro Akechi.

He doesn't know how to say any of it. The pinball in his brain triggers a multiball event, but there's still no place for the balls to fall and be lost. 

"We've never had to lay out the particulars of one of our matches in words before, so it's a bit tricky to explain," Goro says, and Ren loves him so much for being on the same wavelength. "Ultimately, I'd say this is a game to see which one of us breaks down first and admits his defeat."

Ren may love him, but Goro is still an instigator who's being frustratingly vague on purpose.

"Gay chicken," Ren says. "We're playing a game of gay chicken."

He isn't surprised by the looks he gets, but it's still upsetting.

"Gay chicken," Makoto says, voice devoid of all infliction.

"Gay chicken," Haru says, and she looks like she's never been more disappointed in anything in her life.

"Gay chicken?" Morgana asks as he tilts his head and flicks his ears.

"Can chickens be gay?" Yusuke asks. "I have heard of gay swans and penguins, but I can't say I have heard of gay chickens."

Ryuji scratches the back of his head. "Nah, that ain't it. Gay chicken is SUPPOSED to be," he says, glaring at Ren and Goro at the emphasis, "a game where two dudes will get really close to one another, leanin' in their faces like they're about to kiss, and whoever turns away first is the loser."

Neither Yusuke nor Morgana look any less confused by Ryuji's explanation. Futaba sighs and reclaims her seat. She squats in it as she wags a finger at them.

"That might be the original use of the term, but these days gay chicken can refer to any acts of a romantic or sexual nature between two people of the same gender who aren't supposed to be attracted to one another, escalating in severity until one party folds."

"So it's more extreme and dragged out? Dude, at least the locker room version was short and to the point, even if it was homophobic."

"I mean, it kinda still is homophobic, since it's usually straight guys doing it. Or presumably straight, at least."

"If you're concerned about homophobia," Goro says, and both Futaba and Ryuji cut their conversation short to look at him, "then would it allay your worries learning I'm gay?"

The multiple pinballs in Ren's brain have set off every bumper, switch, spinner, and target simultaneously. The lights and sounds are paralyzing. Ren had always thought and assumed and _hoped_ , but to hear Goro actually say it— 

"O-Oh," Makoto says after a lengthy silence. "Um... Thank you for trusting us."

"Yes," Haru says. "Thank you for opening up to us. Please let us know if there's anything we can do to help support you, and know that our opinion of you hasn't changed."

They mean well, Ren knows, but he also knows Goro despises what he considers to be pointless sentimentalist stock phrases.

"While I'm sure someone will find your support touching, I'm merely making a statement to assuage their concerns." Goro nods at Ryuji and Futaba. "Of course, I can only speak for myself."

He looks at Ren, as do the others. The cacophony inside Ren's head is unbearable, and the weight of everyone's stares outside his head is too much. Instead of looking at them, Ren watches the monitors above their lane, sees the tally for their scores, and observes the screen flashing to let everyone know it's now Ren's turn.

Ren has never felt so grateful towards a machine in his life.

But he can't walk away from the conversation without a word. "Not homophobic." It's all he intends to say. His brain, however, has other plans. As if making up for the fact the pinballs can't escape their fleshy prison, his brain makes other things—other words—spill out of him instead. 

"I mean," Ren rambles as he grabs his bowling ball with trembling fingers and nearly drops it back in the ball return, "if sleeping with Mishima didn't make me swear off guys, nothing will."

The group is silent. Ren seizes his chance and throws a spectacular failure of a gutter ball. He stands there and stares at the lane with his back to the group, motionless until he hears the ball return spit out his ball again. He grabs it, takes a deep breath, and knocks down five pins. It's the end of his turn. He has to go back now. No one has said a goddamn thing.

Ren turns around, and everyone is still staring at him. Ann is slack jawed. Ryuji's eyes look like they're about to pop out of his head. Yusuke's brows are deeply furrowed. Makoto's got a shocked, uncomfortable expression on her face. Futaba's mouth is open so wide, she reminds Ren of an Abaddon. Haru's got the bottom half of her face covered with a hand, but her eyes are wide with shock. Morgana looks like he's about to throw up a hairball. Goro— 

Goro's expression is doll-like. Perfectly still. Perfectly neutral. Perfectly devoid of any emotion.

Futaba slaps the table with both hands, and everyone jumps. "Mishima? _MISHIMA?!_ You slept with the NPC?!"

"Hey," Ren says weakly. "He's not that bad."

"Mishima?!" Ann's voice squeaks and warbles like it's coming out of a filter. "Wait, did you guys date?!"

"No! It was a one-time thing!"

Ryuji's chair nearly falls over, taking him with it, with how much he's leaning it back on two legs towards Ren's table. "Dude, you had a one-night stand with Mishima? How— Actually, don't answer that. I don't wanna know."

"How is your taste in guys this bad," Futaba wails, and Ren doesn't have a good answer.

"Isn't Mishima the one who ran the Phan-Site?" Yusuke gazes out at the lanes in deep contemplation. "I had not spoken with him much, but if memory serves, he came off as being rather milquetoast and eager to please."

Haru gasps. "Oh, I guess I was wrong."

Makoto turns to Haru, still looking like she's having a hard time processing what she's learned. "Did you think Mishima was someone else?"

Haru shakes her head as a fine dust of pink covers her cheeks. "No, I remembered who he is correctly. I was simply surprised that, well..." She trails off and gives Ren an apologetic look. "I always thought Ren was the sort of person who enjoyed giving up control when intimate with someone, but I can't picture Mishima being a good dom at all."

"Haru!" Makoto shrieks.

"Ngh," Ren wheezes. 

"I knew I was going to regret asking." Morgana lays flat on the table with his front paws over his folded ears. "How the hell did we end up so off topic?"

"I admit to being stunned by Ren's preference in partners," Yusuke says as he turns to examine Ren. "I had considered him to be an individual with outstanding taste, but after being confronted with this new information, I may have to re-evaluate."

"Seriously. Man, outta all the guys in Tokyo to sleep with, ya picked Mishima? Shit, even outta all the guys in Shujin, that's still scrapin' the bottom of the barrel."

There's still plenty of mortification in Ren's system, but it's being overtaken by annoyance. "It's rude to talk about people when they're not here."

"I'm sorry," Makoto says, looking like she's finally pulled herself together, "but I have to say I'm also shocked. If I may be blunt, Mishima gave off the impression of being an— Incel? Is that the correct term? Either way, I wouldn't have thought of him liking other men."

"He did talk about girls a lot," Ann says. "Too much, sometimes. It kinda felt like he was compensating for something."

"W-well," Makoto says, "You guys would know better than I do. But I really shouldn't have brought this up. We shouldn't speculate about his sexuality."

"He's straight," Ren says. He nets another round of stares and silence. "He confirmed he wasn't interested in men after sleeping with me."

"Uuuuuuuhhhh," Ryuji says.

"Oh, I'm so sorry," Haru says. "But thank you for being brave and trusting us enough to share. Um, I believe there are videos and even therapists for this sort of thing now, if you want to get better at, um, love-making."

"Haru!" Makoto shrieks again.

"I wasn't bad at— The sex wasn't— Okay, the sex was terrible, but that wasn't my fault." Ren wishes desperately for a stray bowling ball to hit him in the head and end his misery. Or failing that, for his brain to stop vomiting words out without his permission. Neither happens. "Why am I talking about this?"

"I don't know," Futaba says, "but now you've started, I kind of want to hear the full story even though I know I'll regret it."

"Ugh, same," Ann says. "It's like a trainwreck."

"Speak for yourself," Ryuji says. "I don't wanna hear about Ren and Mishima plunging each other's depths."

Nearly everyone winces. Makoto covers her face with both hands. "Please. Can we please talk about anything else? Whose turn is it to bowl?"

"I believe it is mine," Yusuke says, and there are two seconds of not talking about Mishima and Ren before Futaba reaches across the table and smacks Ren on the arm.

"Okay, deets! How the heck did you end up having a one-night stand with Mishima?!"

Ann actually gets up and pulls her chair closer to Ren's table. "Yeah! That sounds like it's a complicated story."

"It's not." Ren tries to sink into the earth. "There's nothing to tell. He was feeling sorry for himself, I jokingly offered to sleep with him, and he surprised me by accepting."

Ann's eyes go wide. "You slept with him out of _pity_?"

"A little bit? He knew. I made it clear I wasn't seriously into him, and he made it clear to me he just wanted to experiment with someone safe. It was a one-time thing neither of us want to remember, so I'd really like to stop remembering it now."

Futaba opens her mouth at the same time Yusuke laughs in delight. "Ah, a spare! My form is excellent this evening!"

Almost everyone turns to look at Yusuke, and that's enough of an opening for Makoto to slam her fist down on her table. Several people jump. Ren swears he can hear the plastic table crack.

"All right, no more talking about Mishima and Ren. Ren's clearly uncomfortable with it, and it was wrong of me to talk about Mishima and speculate about him behind his back. Let's focus on our game. Whose turn is it next?"

"I believe it is Akechi's," Yusuke says as he steps back, and Ren realizes Goro hasn't said a single thing during the disastrous Mishima conversation.

Ren turns to Goro as soon as he hears the scrape of the chair against the vinyl floor, but Goro walks away before Ren can say or do anything. Ren can only stare at Goro's rigid back as he walks towards the lane, and the pinballs in Ren's brain freeze in their tracks. 

Goro's back is a solid line drawn from his head directly to the ground. He carries the ball in stiff, angular motions, and his throw is demonstratively perfect in form and lacking in any flaws. He moves like a perfectly tuned machine, and it is little surprise he bowls a strike. It's the second strike of the night, but there are no celebratory shouts or hollers at Goro's accomplishment. Goro does not gloat, says nothing about his performance, and when he turns around to face the group, his expression is a mask of polite indifference. His steps are stiff when he walks back to the table, and he moves his seat away from Ren ever-so-slightly as he sits.

No one says anything for a second.

"Are you okay?" Ann asks at last, and Goro gives her a picture perfect, closed-eyes smile.

"I'm doing very well," he says, voice pitched high and pleasant. Ren feels his stomach churn. "I believe it's your team's round?"

"We can stop playing or change things around if you aren't having fun," Haru says. Goro shakes his head, smile glued onto his face.

"No need. I intend on playing until the very end.”

"Dude," Ryuji says, "if you're not having fun, then there's no point in playing—"

"I'm quite enjoying myself." Goro’s eyes are still closed. The smile is still adhered to his face. "Perhaps it's all of you who aren't having fun."

No one counters him. The seconds tick by. Goro remains still and unmoving, the smile setting into his features like drying concrete.

"All right," Makoto says at last. "Well, let's keep playing. Ryuji, you're first, correct?"

The rest of the night goes by much more demurely. Ren's team ends up losing, which is not surprising. They wrap up and begin to part ways, awkwardly navigating around Goro's mood and Ren's lack of engagement. Ann takes Morgana with her for the night, which delights Morgana to the point where Ren's not sure if he heard Ann talking about the gachapon cat hats she and Shiho collected. Haru and Futaba leave together. Haru offers Ren a ride back as well, but he turns it down when he sees Goro slip away without a word to anyone else.

Ren isn't even fully aware he's run after Goro until he's already grabbed Goro's arm outside of the bowling alley.

"May I help you," Goro says politely, but Ren can hear and feel the inferno beneath the facade. His hand burns. The skin on his palm and fingers where he's touching Goro feels like it's going to melt off.

"I'm sorry," Ren says. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable with that story."

Goro tilts his head. The fire banked behind his eyes flares up and turns them crimson. "Uncomfortable? Please. Don't flatter yourself, Amamiya."

Ren drops Goro's arm out of shock, and Goro steps back and adjusts his gloves.

"I will admit," Goro says, flames dancing in his eyes and heat and fury lashing out in his voice, "I was surprised to find your type being someone like Mishima. I can't fathom anyone being into a desperate leech like himself, but I suppose that might stem from him being the complete opposite of myself in practically every way."

"He's not my type."

Goro rolls his eyes. "You don't need to defend your tastes to me; I don't want to know your justifications for your preferences." He shifts his stance to lean more heavily on one leg and brings a hand to his chin. "I do agree with Futaba in finding your taste in men to be atrocious, so it's a good thing we're just playing a game, hm?"

Ren tears his eyes away from the profile of Goro's silhouette. "What do you mean?"

Goro smirks, and it's all fire and flame. He’s unmasked, and the inferno blazes out into the night. "It means it would be unfortunate for me to be classified into the same category as Mishima. But now that I am aware of your tastes, I know you won't be developing any sort of feelings for me. Thinking back, perhaps I had been holding back out of fear things could be misconstrued, so it's oddly liberating to know that will not be the case."

A seed of hope Ren had not even been aware of suddenly freezes and shatters. The pinballs scatter and fracture against the inner workings of his mind, and shrapnels of ice cut into his heart. Despite the blaze of light and heat that is Goro, Ren can only feel cold and numb.

"I won't lose," Goro says. He stands straight and drops his hand, clenching them into fists. "I will win this game of...gay chicken."

He says the last two words with a grimace, spewing flame and distaste out onto Ren's form, but not even Goro's heat is enough to thaw him. 

Frost spills out of his breath when Ren responds, the words spoken automatically and without any heart. "Same here."

Goro stares at him, but it's no use. The cold is too strong. "Good. I refuse to do this if we're not both on the same page. I'll see you."

Ren watches Goro leave. He stares at the space Goro had occupied when Goro is out of sight. He remains frozen in time until Yusuke finds him.

"Are you all right," Yusuke says, voice soft. Ren exhales. There's ice in his lungs.

"Yeah," he says. "No," he amends. "I don't know," he admits. "I think I'm fucked."

Yusuke says nothing, and the two of them stand in the dark for a long time.


	8. DAY NINE - Saturday

** DAY NINE - Saturday **

Ren doesn't remember going home, much less falling asleep, but he wakes up in his bed to pictures of Morgana in a variety of fruit-shaped cat hats in the group chat. Morgana looks adorable in all of them. Morgana looks miserable in all of them. Ren scrolls through and tries to laugh at the captions Futaba, Yusuke, and Ryuji come up with for each picture. He manages a smile when Ann gives status updates about how Morgana had tried so hard to hang on to his dignity even when she and Shiho put him in a banana hat. 

It's a good distraction from Goro.

So of course Goro has to chime in just as Ren attempts to type up a response.

> **Goro** : Morgana looks like he's suffering, but I have to admit he looks cute.  
>  **Goro** : Not as cute as Ren, of course, but it's very close.

God. Damn. It.

Ren groans and drops his phone onto the bed and covers his eyes with an arm. He can't do this. He needs to respond, but he can't do this. It _hurts_ knowing that Goro is treating this as nothing more than a game. It sucks. He sucks. 

Ren needs to pull it together. Not only to prevent himself from ruining everything with Goro, but also because despite the pain, Ren doesn't want to lose. Goro wasn't supposed to be so good at not being flustered, Goro wasn't supposed to be good at playing along, and Goro wasn't supposed to be in the lead.

Goro is also playing the game with an advantage.

"That dirty cheater," Ren mutters to himself, and that alone is enough to propel him past the heartache. He fumbles for his phone, finds it, and immediately starts to type even as the rest of the chat responds.

> **Ryuji** : Dude. Come on.
> 
> **Yusuke** : I see someone has decided to carry on with the gay avian contest this morning.
> 
> **Futaba** : "gay avian contest"  
>  **Futaba** : You are absolutely saying it like that on purpose
> 
> **Makoto** : I sighed so loudly that the person next to me on the train thought something bad had happened...
> 
> **Ann** : I mean, in a way they're not wrong???
> 
> **Ren** : Aw, thanks, Honey! Don't tell Morgana this, but you're cuter than him too. I'd prefer snuggling up to you instead of him.
> 
> **Futaba** : OH MY GOD  
>  **Futaba** : Have some self-respect!
> 
> **Ryuji** : jesus 
> 
> **Haru** : Ah, the group chat is as lively as ever
> 
> **Ann** : Why is that lack of punctuation at the end so nerve wracking...
> 
> **Goro** : What a shame that we didn't have a sleepover last night. I'm sure I could have filled that Morgana-shaped gap in your bed.  
>  **Goro** : Ah, but calling it a sleepover would be incorrect, wouldn't it? There would be absolutely nothing restful about the things I would do to you if we were sharing a bed.
> 
> **Futaba** : I'M
> 
> **Haru** : Honestly, Akechi, don't you think that's enough?
> 
> **Futaba** : GONNA
> 
> **Ryuji** : holy shit
> 
> **Futaba** : SCREAM
> 
> **Yusuke** : Hmm...
> 
> **Futaba** : AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Ren's phone rings. The caller isn't Futaba, whom Ren expects. The caller is Ann. That's worse. Ren lets it ring for another second before he answers.

"Hey, Ann."

"Are you okay?!" Ann half-yells into the phone. "What is _happening_?! Did Goro Akechi really say he'd sleep with you in the group chat? That was a thing that happened?!"

"I'm losing," Ren laments. 

Ann falls silent for a second. "Oh my god," she says. "You are so stupid."

"You're right, Lady Ann," Morgana howls from the background. "He's incredibly stupid!"

"Ren, does he know you're in love with him?"

Ren flinches. "Of course not," he says. Whatever good mood he'd acquired from seeing Morgana in fruit hats has evaporated. He's back to being a dry husk of a man again.

"Don't you think," Ann says slowly, as if talking to a child, "that you should call off the game before you get hurt?"

"No. Giving up is the same as handing him a victory."

"OH MY GOOOOOOOD," Ann shouts, and Ren can tell she's pulled the phone away from her face from how distant her voice sounds. Good thing, too, given how loud it still ends up being. "How are you this dumb?!"

"This is what I've had to put up with almost every day for a while now," Morgana shouts from the background. "Lady Ann, I'm so happy we can bond over this together!"

Ren's about to say something in defense of himself, even though he knows they have a point, when he hears Shiho's barely audible voice on the line.

"Hey, Ann? Everything okay? You were shouting."

"Yeah, I'm okay," Ann says, voice still distant. "Ren's being stupid."

"Oh." A pause. "Isn't that normal?"

"Hey," Ren says. No one responds to him. He's not sure if anyone can even hear him.

"He's being extra stupid. Like, Ryuji would be smarter than him about this."

"Yikes. That's impressive. Well, tell him I said hi, and that I really enjoyed having Morgana over for the night. Anyway, I'm gonna go out for a run, so have fun convincing him to be less stupid."

"Okay! I'll see you later!" A door clicks shut before Ann's voice comes back at a normal volume. "Sorry, that was Shiho. She said—"

Ren isn't sulking. "I heard."

"Oh. Well then, what are your plans today?"

He should be getting started on the project that's due next week, but realistically, Ren's probably going to mope. "I was going to take it easy and start on an assignment."

"Hmm... Or you could come shopping with me! I need to get Morgana back to you, too."

"You could always come by here. I'll feed and caffeinate you."

Ann laughs nervously. Ren's guard goes up. "But... You really should come shopping with me. I, uh, may have heard from someone that you need more than one pair of shoes."

Fucking Goro.

Ren pulls the covers up over his head. "You can tell him I can buy shoes on my own."

Ann sighs. "Come on, Ren. I need a new pair of walking shoes anyway, so I'm not suggesting this just for you. We can hang out! Get some food! There's a new crepe place that opened in the Underground Mall that has savory crepes! Pleeeeaaaase?"

He can't say no to Ann. Especially when she begs. Especially when she's likely to storm into Leblanc, drop Morgana onto his head, and manhandle him into shopping with her whether he wants to or not.

"Give me an hour," he mutters.

"Great! Then how about we meet at 11? That way, we can grab lunch right after. My treat!"

"I'll see you at 11," Ren hangs up. He rolls over onto his stomach, drops his phone somewhere on the bed, grabs a pillow, and crams it over his head.

* * *

Ren expects, and thus prepares for, Ann to start prodding him for details about his feelings and how he's holding up the moment they meet. She defies his expectations, however, and pulls Ren into a shoe store while she chats about Morgana's experiences with being a model, punctuated by muffled comments from Morgana inside her bag. From there, Ann is a typhoon of shoes and excitement, grabbing boxes of shoes for both of them to try, and it's all Ren can do to keep up.

Ann brings him pair after pair after pair of shoes, almost all of them either bright crimson or jet black. Some of them are comfortable. Some of them are purposed more for looks. All of them start to blur together after the nineteenth pair, so Ren joins Ann in trying on heels.

"I thought you needed walking shoes," Ren says even as he's lacing up what seems like the only pair of knee-high heeled boots that come in his size in the store.

"I do, but look at these." Ann sticks her legs out to show off the red ankle booties she found. "These are soooooo warm and comfortable, and they're half off! I can't not try them on!"

"How many pairs are you guys gonna try?" Morgana asks, front paws perched on the edge of Ann's bag. He stares balefully at the numerous boxes surrounding them. "How many pairs do you need?"

Ren stands up and walks a few steps. The boots are less comfortable than he expects, cramping his toes to a point where it's too difficult to ignore. He sighs after making a half lap around their mess and sits back down to start unlacing. "These shoes suck."

Ann paces back and forth in her booties. "These shoes rule. I'm so getting them."

Morgana eyes them both suspiciously. "I thought you both needed everyday shoes."

"We're taking a break." Ann scritches Morgana's chin. That mollifies him enough to be quiet. "Although you're not wrong. We're getting distracted from our real goal."

They go through about a dozen pairs of shoes each after their break, and it takes another twenty minutes on top of that to make their final decisions. Ren ends up walking out with two pairs of the same sensible shoes in different colors, and Ann walks out with five pairs in various styles. 

They head to the crepe place for lunch, and the joint is relatively empty given that it's the tail end of the lunch rush. Ren orders a smoked salmon crepe to share with Morgana while Ann orders something piled high with so much fruit and cream that it looks bigger than her head. They eat while making light conversation, and Ren is genuinely having a good time.

That's why it feels like betrayal when Ann does what he's no longer prepared for.

"So." She lowers her half-eaten crepe and gives Ren a serious look. "Akechi."

Ren feels all the joy fly out of his body.

He shifts in his seat and keeps his expression neutral even though he can feel his grip tightening on his crepe. Some of the spinach gets pushed out far enough that they threaten to escape. Ren pinches a particularly bold leaf and eats it, chewing slowly. 

Morgana pulls himself out of Ren's bag and props himself up by his two front paws on the table. "Lady Ann and I were discussing it last night, and we both agree that something has to be done. It'd be one thing if this was another stupid competition between the two of you, but we all know it's not."

Ren wants the earth to swallow him whole, but he's used up too many miracles during his tenure as a Phantom Thief.

Ann's voice is intolerably gentle and understanding when she speaks. It makes Ren want to shrivel up and hide. "I know you aren't comfortable talking about things that bother you, but, well... Sitting here with you like this reminds me of that time you chased me down and listened to me spill my heart out about Kamoshida. I want to be the person you were to me back then, the person I didn't know I needed. So, if you want to talk, I'll listen. I'll be here. With no judgement."

"There's nothing to say," Ren sighs and rakes a hand through his hair. "I can handle this. I have my feelings under control."

"Even if you have your feelings under control, that doesn't stop it from hurting." Ann extends a hand to the middle of the table, resting it palm up as an offer. "I know how terrifying it is to talk about a hurt that's still fresh and raw. I know how painful it is to think about something that hurts you so much that you'd rather wish it never existed, but not thinking about it or talking about it is running away. And when you run from it, it only hurts more when it finally catches up to you. You know that already."

Ren doesn't take her hand. "I'm not as hurt by this as you're making me out to be." Because he knows she won't give up if he isn't at least a little honest, he adds, "Rejection hurts, sure, but I'll get over it. Other people have moved on just fine."

"I bet those other people weren't flirting with their crushes in a game," Morgana says, "and they weren't going out on dates with them."

"Morgana has a point. If it was only rejection, we could've had a sleepover and binged on junk food, and I would've known you'd be fine." Ann sets her crepe down on a napkin so she can extend her other hand. "But this isn't about getting rejected, is it? Akechi doesn't know how you feel about him, does he?"

The salmon crepe is limp and soggy. The spinach leaves and tomato slices don't feel fresh anymore. Ren takes out a piece of salmon and dangles it in front of Morgana.

"He's not going to find out," Ren says as Morgana glares at him before snapping up the fish. "I'm not risking what we have."

"Like he wouldn't find out eventually," Morgana says through a mouthful of salmon. "You're not hiding this as well as you think you are, and he's smart."

"Plus, how do you know that he doesn't feel the same way?" Ren frowns and Ann leans forward. "I'm not saying that just to say it! You saw how frigid he got after you talked about your fling with Mishima!"

Frigid? Goro had been a barely restrained blaze of fury. How could anyone have mistaken that for frigid?

"He was probably upset with me not telling him I'm bi before that. I'm not being self-deprecating," Ren says when Ann tries to retort. "Goro is the type of person to go after what he wants, regardless of what's in the way. If what he wanted was me, it would've already happened."

"You don't think," Ann half whispers, "that he wouldn't hesitate about going after what he wants if what he wanted was you? Liking someone—loving someone—isn't the same as getting revenge or achieving a goal.”

"You're a pretty goal-driven person yourself, after all," Morgana says, "and you're being stupid and indecisive about this. The same likely goes for Akechi."

Ren would really appreciate it if his friends and his cat would all stop bringing up points that he'd resolved to never think about a long time ago. "I am being goal-oriented about this. My goal is not losing."

Ann groans and retracts one hand to rub at her forehead. "Ren, you're one of my best friends, and I love you to death, but I kind of want to smack you right now. How are you so dense? How are you so far from the point?"

"Not losing is the point."

Morgana leans over and bites Ren. "Talk to Akechi," he yells as Ren pulls his hand back and examines the bite. Morgana at least hadn't punctured skin. "If you don't do that by the end of the weekend, I'll— I'll— I'll poop in your new shoes!"

Ann wrinkles her nose. "Ew."

"Okay, fine," Ren says, but then he looks into Morgana's eyes and realizes that his cat isn't making a hyperbolic threat. "I'll...contact him before the end of tomorrow."

"Good," Morgana says, and that steely resolve in his voice is another sign for Ren that things are fucked.


	9. DAY TEN - Sunday

** DAY TEN - Sunday **

Ten minutes after Leblanc opens, Ren gets his first customer of the day in the form of one Haru Okumura.

"Good morning," she says. She takes a seat at the far end of the counter before she sets down a box emblazoned with gold foil from one of Tokyo's finest French bakeries. "I had a sudden craving for viennoiserie, but then I realized I had to have a good cup of coffee to accompany them." She pushes the box a little closer to Ren. "I know it's generally frowned upon to bring in outside food, but would you like to have some breakfast with me?"

"Sojiro's not here, and you won't ever hear me complain about free food." Ren makes himself smile and moves to the bean shelf. "What kind of flavor are you feeling today?"

"Something earthy, please," Haru says as she beams at him and opens the box. "Not too acidic or fruity. I want a strong contrast between the viennoiserie and the coffee."

"Sumatra Mandheling it is." Ren stands on his tiptoes to reach the jar. "You've had this before; it's the one you said reminded you of a garden."

Haru claps her hands together in delight. "Oh, I remember! I'd love to have another cup, thank you!" 

Ren sets down the jar, grabs two plates for Haru to arrange the baked goods on, and busies himself with the pour. A pair of regulars come in as he finishes, and he tells Haru to not wait for him before greeting the newcomers. By the time he prepares their food, makes their coffee, and has the obligated small talk, his own cup has gone cold. It's a shame, because he did enjoy the woody spice of the brew, but Ren can also have a cup of it at almost any time. 

Haru takes down notes about the coffee as Ren scarfs down his croissant au jambon, and when she sets down her pen, her mouth is set into a determined line. There's a wrinkle above the bridge of her nose from the downward turn of her brows. 

The last bites of his croissant taste like ash and go down like stones.

"Ren," Haru says. She pauses, then turns to give the other two customers a backwards glance to make sure they aren't listening in. "I think we need to address the issue with Akechi."

Not again. Only Yusuke and Makoto haven't confronted him or given him some sort of grief about Goro, and Ren wouldn't be surprised if Makoto corners him during their next class. 

"If this is about the game, I've got it under control."

Haru doesn't say anything for a moment, hands on her lap as she stares down her empty plate.

"I'm not Akechi's biggest fan." She lifts her head up and looks Ren in the eyes. "I will probably never fully forgive him for not only what he did to my father, but also for what he did to you. Even so, I don't want to be cruel or malicious to him; though I may not forgive him, what Akechi's gone through is horrific, and I understand why he felt like he had no other options. The last thing he needs is another source of malice in his life."

Haru pauses, and Ren hears the unspoken 'but' hanging in the air. He could cut this conversation short. He could go check on his regulars, wash the dishes, make sure the curry's still simmering at the right temperature, wake and feed Morgana— 

He does none of those things.

"Sometimes it's difficult to sort out my feelings about Akechi and what he's done," Haru says. "I can't always tell if my negative thoughts are justified or if they're the product of my own biases. There is one thing, however, I am certain of.

"If there is ever anything that causes me to choose between you or Akechi, I will always choose you. Even if you choose Akechi yourself. Even if I know you were in the wrong."

Ren can't get enough air into his lungs no matter how hard he tries. "You make it sound like our game's going to tear everyone apart."

"Perhaps it might," Haru says, and Ren has to look away from her. "Perhaps I'm being overly negative and thinking of the worst. But, Ren, I haven't seen you like this in years."

Don't ask. Don't say anything. Play it off like it's nothing— "Like what?"

"Like...this. Like you're struggling to figure out what you want to do. Being avoidant. Deflecting more than usual. Ren, you can't even look me in the eyes right now."

A miracle occurs. The pair finish their coffee and food at record speed and start to leave. Ren launches himself out from behind the counter and goes to gather the dishes and plasters a fake smile onto his face. He makes some small talk with them as they go, thanks them for their business, and takes the dishes immediately to the sink.

Except Haru's sitting at the spot closest to said sink, so there's no getting away from her.

"When we first met," Haru says, and Ren tries to drown out her voice with the sound of the tap running and the clinking of dishes, "one of the first things I remember noticing about you were your eyes. They were so clear; there wasn't any hesitation or doubt in them. I was jealous."

Ren scrapes off a piece of egg with more force than it needs. Haru keeps talking.

"When I got to know you better, I realized the reason your eyes were so clear was because of all the pain and rage that lay behind them. They were a little scary sometimes, but looking into them was also exhilarating. I thought to myself, 'If he can use his pain and hurt to carve out a path without fear or hesitation, then I can as well!' Your presence helped me so much; it truly gave me strength."

He washes all of the silverware at once, holding them in a fist and scrubbing them mercilessly down with a sponge, letting them clang and ring against each other. Haru still doesn't stop talking.

"And then one day, I realized you weren't the only one who had eyes like that. Someone else had them too, but he was our enemy, and he was attacking us in the belly of a ship."

Ren drops the silverware and the sponge. They clatter when they land. He grips the sides of the sink. His arms shake. He bows his head. "Haru, stop."

"No." Her voice is as strong and as solid as the earth itself. "I realized then just how similar the two of you were. I also realized how much he meant to you. I was devastated. I had a terrible crush on you, you know."

"Please stop."

"The only reason why anything I've said hurts is because you've already been hurt by it! If I had told you any of this two weeks ago, you wouldn't be hurt this badly at all! Ren, can't you see what you've been doing to yourself?" Haru gets up and walks towards him. She slips past the counter the way a sprout slips past cracks in cement. "I won't let someone I care about suffer like this, and I won't let you hurt yourself anymore. If you continue things with Akechi as they are, then you're performing emotional self-harm." 

"It's not self-harm," Ren hisses. "It's just a game."

"Maybe it started out that way, but it's not anymore." She sighs. "I'm bringing all this up because I want you to realize how alike you and Akechi are. He's more avoidant than you, and I admit I don't know him as well as I should, but I think he's also hurting from this. You both are normally unwavering in your goals, but right now, when I look at the two of you, I can only see your clouded eyes."

Out of the peripheral of his vision, Ren sees Haru extend a hand towards him before she drops it midway. "He cares about you. And...I know how hard it is learning how to say no to someone who matters and actually mean it. I know he likes being contrary because he's free to do so now, but it's still different from saying no. Sometimes, even if it hurts, it's easier to say yes and to go along with the flow, especially when the alternative is to say no to someone you care about. And Akechi doesn't have many people he truly cares about, does he?"

"Why do people keep saying Goro's being affected by this in the same way I am?"

"Maybe because it's true? No, Ren! Why are you so afraid he might reciprocate?"

Ren snaps his head up with a snarl. "Because he told me himself he only thinks of it as a game! He said to my face he was glad I had bad taste in men because that way I wouldn't fall for him!"

It's after he finishes his outburst that Ren realizes he had just _yelled at Haru_. He lets go of the sink, stunned and revolted by his own behavior, but Haru is unphased. She hasn't even flinched. 

She has a point. They all had.

"Why didn't you think he was lying when he said that," Haru asks, voice as soft as a flower petal. "Akechi is seldom honest about his feelings. Even I know that."

"He's honest to me," Ren says without thinking, and his knees buckle as he speaks. Haru rushes in to support him, and he groans. "Haru, why couldn't you have picked a day when I wasn't working to corner me about this?"

From the look on her face, it's clear she hadn't even considered the ramifications of what she had done.

"I'm so sorry." Haru helps Ren stagger over to the seat she had been using. "Um...should you close the café for a while? If Boss is worried about profits, I can write him a check that's double what his usual earnings are for that time period!"

"No, it's fine," Ren says even as he sprawls across the counter, arms nudging against the plates and empty box. "I'll be fine in a few minutes. I'm good at compartmentalizing." 

The look on Haru's face tells Ren that isn't the answer she wants to hear.

"I'll be fine. Fine enough to work," he clarifies when Haru's expression doesn't change. "Just give me a few minutes to collect myself."

"I know you're trying to comfort me," Haru says as she moves the box and plates out of his way, "but it's fine to be selfish and prioritize yourself for once. I'll speak with Boss."

"I don't think I could handle the mortification," Ren says, and he shocks himself by telling the truth. "I'd mope without work to do."

"Maybe you need to mope a little bit," Haru says, and Ren clamps down his jaw to stop himself from telling her that's all he's been doing lately. She takes the plates to the sink and throws the box out. "I won't mention why you need a break; Boss is an empathetic man, so I'm sure he'll understand your reasons are your own." She walks back over to him and hovers by his side. "I...I want you to take care of yourself. Even if Akechi was speaking the truth, you shouldn't have to push yourself like this for something that's 'just a game'."

"I hate this," Ren says into the counter. Haru pats his back gently.

"Please talk to Akechi. I want to say you can do it whenever you're ready, but no one's ever ready for something like this, are they? Just...don't put it off for too long. I don't want it to end up hurting you even more."

Morgana _had_ threatened Ren with pooping in his shoes if he didn't talk to Goro by the end of today. And Haru does have a point; if Ren had to keep pushing himself to endure their game, then it wasn't a fair one at all. Goro would never forgive him if he found out Ren had been letting him play with an advantage. 

"I will," he says. "I promise."

Haru squeezes his shoulder. Her grip is strong. Confident. "Then I will hold you to it."

* * *

Sojiro shows up fifteen minutes after Haru leaves, and despite Ren's protests, he bans Ren from being behind the counter for the rest of the day. He also ends up closing Leblanc early, which causes Ren endless amounts of guilt until Sojiro bans him from feeling guilty as well.

He lies in his bed for a few hours. He mopes and suffers through Morgana sitting on his head as he purrs in a misguided attempt at comfort before Ren is ready to face his demons. His demon. The demon. Goro.

"I need my head back," he says to Morgana, and Ren gives him a pat on the rump. "I'm going to do it. I'm going to text Goro."

Morgana rolls over and plops onto the bed. "Do you need any moral support?"

"I'd prefer to be alone for this," Ren says. Morgana gives him one of those looks only a cat can pull off, and Ren sighs. "Could you sit on the couch? I'm already having second thoughts."

Morgana rolls his eyes but obliges. He trots over to the couch as Ren pulls up his messages with Goro. Their last exchange had been on Thursday, when Goro cashed in on his free dinner. That night, the date that wasn't, feels like a lifetime ago.

They really had spent a lot of their free time together. If they hadn't been texting each other, then they saw each other in person. When neither of them had talked to each other for over a day after their disastrous study date—and Ren needs to stop thinking of their outings as dates—last Sunday, it was already irregular enough for Ren to have noticed. There had always been some form of communication passed between them every day, be it a text conversation or a picture of something they found interesting or a single line rant about something frustrating or a simple good morning and good night— 

His grip on the phone tightens when he realizes he hasn't exchanged any texts with Goro since the group chat the morning after the bowling incident.

Maybe the game had been doomed to failure from the start, but both of them had been too stubborn to notice.

Ren takes a deep breath before typing. He hesitates for what feels like several minutes before he hits send. Goro takes even longer to respond. It shouldn't feel like pulling teeth. It shouldn't feel so stressful, but it is.

Maybe their relationship has already changed.

> **Ren** : Hey, do you have a minute?
> 
> **Goro** : I do. Is there something you need?
> 
> **Ren** : I wanted to talk to you about our game of gay chicken  
>  **Ren** : Some of the others have been pestering me about it, and I wanted to clear some things up. You up for that?
> 
> **Goro** : You too? I suppose I shouldn't be surprised, since I'm shocked they would approach me at all.
> 
> **Ren** : Wait, who approached you about it?
> 
> **Goro** : Niijima and Okumura. You walked in on their half-assed attempt at an interrogation the other night.
> 
> **Ren** : They asked you at the bowling alley? What the hell
> 
> **Goro** : It's most likely because I ignored all their previous attempts.
> 
> **Ren** : Classic you move  
>  **Ren** : That's what I wanted to talk to you about. Seems like everyone is concerned about our game negatively impacting our relationship. Maybe to the point of causing a rift between everyone
> 
> **Goro** : If a rift formed, it would be between me and everyone else. That's not anything new.
> 
> **Ren** : I don't want a rift to form at all  
>  **Ren** : If one did form, I might end up siding with you anyway
> 
> **Goro** : Ah, now some of their comments are starting to make more sense.  
>  **Goro** : Just how many times do I have to tell you I don't need or want your pity before it actually sinks into your pea-sized brain?  
>  **Goro** : If a rift forms, it would be *between us*, you numbskull. You siding with me would be nothing more than an act of pity and wasted sympathy, so you can keep that bullshit to yourself.  
>  **Goro** : But you don't need to worry. The phrase makes me want to retch, but you are my best friend. I value our friendship, and I have no intention of jeopardizing it. Our relationship is something I want to keep, and I will work to maintain it.
> 
> **Goro** : If you're typing up some sort of long, overly sentimental word vomit, delete it and keep it to yourself, or I will go over to Leblanc and shoot you full of foam darts.
> 
> **Ren** : never change goro  
>  **Ren** : i'm your best friend  
>  **Ren** : you said that
> 
> **Goro** : I'm loading my gun.
> 
> **Ren** : Okay, but to be serious for a moment, I value our relationship as well  
>  **Ren** : I value it so much more than any of my other relationships  
>  **Ren** : I know in the beginning of our game we were trying to one up each other with compliments, but when I told you you're special? I meant every word of it  
>  **Ren** : Our relationship means everything to me. You're the one person I couldn't stand losing  
>  **Ren** : You mean so much to me that it scares me. I want to spend every day talking to you or being with you. I've never met anyone in my life like you  
>  **Ren** : The last thing I ever want is to push you away or make you feel like you aren't important. But I also don't want you to feel pressured by me  
>  **Ren** : I know you just said I'm your best friend, but if that feeling ever changes, let me know  
>  **Ren** : I mean, you shouldn't feel like you have to keep up a facade  
>  **Ren** : or lie about how you feel   
>  **Ren** : or  
>  **Ren** : fuck
> 
> **Ren** : please say something  
>  **Ren** : even if it's letting me know you're on your way to shoot me
> 
> **Goro** : I don't hate you.
> 
> **Ren** : oh
> 
> **Goro** : I won't in the future, either. We're friends. I value that. You're the one person I can be myself in every way around.  
>  **Goro** : I meant it as well when I said I would never regret meeting you, no matter what happens in the future. I know exactly what kind of person I am. I know what my flaws are. I know I'm not going to change for other people.  
>  **Goro** : But you... You inspire me not to change myself to please you, but so I can improve as a person. Meeting you has been the brightest spot of my dismal life, and I don't plan on taking it for granted. You are not always right, but neither am I. I like how we can keep pushing each other to be better without compromising who we are.  
>  **Goro** : So remove all traces of doubt in your mind you could do something that would permanently endanger our friendship.   
>  **Goro** : I'm much more likely to be the perpetrator. That's why I'll work to ensure I won't bring our relationship to ruin.
> 
> **Ren** : give yourself more credit. there's nothing you can do to kill our relationship short of killing me again  
>  **Ren** : so we're...friends?
> 
> **Goro** : Are you still questioning how I feel about you? After all I said?  
>  **Goro** : Of course we're friends.
> 
> **Ren** : friends
> 
> **Goro** : Yes.
> 
> **Ren** : just friends?
> 
> **Goro** : You really want to hear me call you my best friend again that badly, huh?
> 
> **Ren** : that's not  
>  **Ren** : well  
>  **Ren** : you just did
> 
> **Goro** : I'm bringing extra ammo with me for the next time I see you.
> 
> **Ren** : oh, okay, so we are friend breaking up
> 
> **Goro** : I hope Morgana eats something unpleasant and vomits on you.
> 
> **Ren** : No, he threatened to poop in my new shoes instead
> 
> **Goro** : Good night

Despite the churning in his gut and the spikes of ice piercing his brain, Ren is rather proud of the fact he manages to set his phone down gently before he pulls the covers over his head, pulls a pillow on top of his face, and screams.


	10. DAY ELEVEN TO DAY TWELVE - Monday to Tuesday

** DAY ELEVEN TO DAY TWELVE - Monday to Tuesday **

Ren wakes with his face buried in Morgana's fur. Morgana purrs, deep and soothing, and Ren relaxes his death grip on his cat. Morgana makes no comment about how long he must have endured Ren's hold, nor does he say anything about the dried drool and tears in his coat. Instead, Morgana shifts, snuggles into Ren even more, and increases the volume of his purring.

Ren strokes down Morgana's curved back with a shaky hand. "Sorry."

Morgana's purrs taper off before he uncoils and turns his head. "You don't have to be sorry. You had a rough night."

By 'rough,' Morgana means he cried. The memory makes Ren burn with shame. "I can't believe," he says, rolling over onto his back, "I cried over Goro again. You’d think I've never been rejected before."

Morgana's tail lashes back and forth as he tucks himself into a loaf. "You haven't, at least not in the time I've known you. Besides, you...really like Akechi. You've liked him for a long time. It's okay to be broken up about it."

Ren sighs and pets Morgana's back. He stares with unfocused eyes at the ceiling. He looks without seeing, pets without feeling, and thinks without understanding. He feels as if he is teetering at the edge of an abyss, which makes no sense given that he has already fallen in. Around him float the specters of days gone by, of times spent with Goro that now feel as unreachable as the sun.

But they aren't unreachable. Nothing has changed. Only Ren has changed.

Everything has changed.

He doesn't know what else to do, so Ren gets up and prepares for the day. He dresses. Eats. Takes the train. Goes to class. Responds to texts with one to three word replies. Spends his afternoon and evening working on assignments at the diner. 

He does all this while feeling as if he's being held beneath the surface of a frozen ocean, crushed by the wreckage of a sunken train, trapped with no hope of rescue because no one knows he's drowning. Ren goes home. Gets ready for bed. Falls asleep once more cradling Morgana to his face.

In his dreams, pieces of debris from the wreckage are being carried by the eddies at the ocean floor. They slam into him, force backed by the virulent current, circling him only to hit him again, and again, and again. Each impact causes both a memory and a question to spew out of his muddled mind. Each memory is different, but the subject is the same. The question never changes.

Would it have been different if he realized his feelings for Goro sooner?

Every memory is forced through the filter of that question until it tears apart. Ren wakes with ice water in his lungs and the taste of salt and regret in his mouth.

It's Tuesday.

His morning repeats itself. It's automatic. Mindless. His thoughts may swirl and choke and drown, but his body knows what to do. His body wakes, cleans itself, dresses, eats, and commutes without direction. So what if Ren's brain is waterlogged and frozen solid? So what if he doesn't remember what he had eaten for breakfast, or whether he had sat or stood on the train, or what the group text had been talking about? So long as his body is physically present, that's enough.

Psychopathology happens, and suddenly it isn't enough.

Makoto is waiting for him a ways away from the lecture hall, in a part of the hallway everyone has to pass to go in. She moves away from the wall she'd been leaning against when she sees him. She stands in the middle of the hallway with her feet planted apart, blocking his path. It takes a moment for Ren's brain to pull itself out of the frigid ocean to catch up with reality.

Makoto's voice is all business. "Ren. What's going on?"

Ren doesn't answer her because he isn't sure what she's asking. He hadn't told anyone what had happened, other than Morgana, but if Morgana had told someone, then Makoto wouldn't be asking him what was going on— 

She must decide he's taking too long to answer, because she asks him another question. "You've been responding strangely to people's texts and ignored Haru's calls. Apparently, you didn't go back to Leblanc until long after it closed yesterday. Plus, you look, well, terrible. I know I'm prying, but you're worrying us, and Morgana said it wasn't his place to share what was going on, but— Ren?"

He may have pulled his brain out of the ocean, but now his thoughts are suffocating in treacle. He hears everything Makoto is saying, but he can't piece together the meaning. He needs to say something, but no words are coming out. 

"Ren?" Makoto's expression changes. He can't make heads or tails out of it. "We shouldn't have this conversation in the hallway; we're getting in the way of everyone else. I'm going to take you somewhere else, okay?"

Makoto takes his arm and pauses. He doesn't know what he's supposed to do, so he goes along when she starts to pull him away. They round a corner and bump into people Ren hadn't noticed were there. Makoto opens a door to an empty classroom and pulls him in. Ren feels his thoughts sinking deeper into the treacle. It's a slow submersion at first, but then the treacle thins out. Gets colder. Starts flowing.

The treacle turns into water, and he's pinned down at the bottom of the ocean again.

Makoto helps him into a chair, then pulls another one up and sits in front of him. They're face-to-face, knees a few centimeters apart, and Ren watches Makoto examine him. He feels nothing but the chill in his lungs from swallowing sea water.

"This isn't about Akechi, is it?" Makoto asks, and Ren gasps for air.

It is. It is about Goro. That's the problem.

Makoto's expression is equal parts concern, determination, and fear. The fear is new. Ren's never seen it on her quite like the way she's wearing it now, and it takes him far too long to realize she's afraid because it's _Ren_. Ren, who's unflappable. Ren, who's the pillar of support for everyone. Ren, who stood against the end of the world more than once and still managed to pull it back from the brink because _Ren is strong_.

Strong people don't lose themselves from heartache.

The wreckage pushes him further down into the ocean floor.

Makoto is talking again, but Ren doesn't listen to any of it. Just because he's trapped beneath the wreckage of his feelings doesn't mean he needs to pull anyone else in with him. He's strong. He can get out himself. He takes a deep breath and tries to shake the vision of dark, murky water from his eyes. He may not have the capacity to tell a convincing lie, but honesty is a more effective weapon. And if being honest requires him to rip out his feelings and expose them, well. It can't be any worse than what's already happened with Goro.

"I told Goro I love him," Ren says. Makoto stops talking mid-sentence and stares at him, mouth agape. "He said he'd rather remain friends."

Makoto's mouth snaps shut. "I— Ren, I'm so—" 

"Don't," Ren says. Too much pity will kill him. "I'm still processing things. That's why I've been distant. I need a few more days."

Makoto raises her hand towards his arm, and Ren turns his head without meaning to. Her hand hovers in the air before retreating, awkwardly reaching back to tuck her hair behind her ear. 

"All right," she says. "Is there...anything you'd like for us to do?"

"I just need time and space."

She wrings her hands together on her lap. "Do you want me to pass this on to the others?"

"Sure."

"And... I hate to ask this, but Akechi—"

"Don't," he says again. "It's not— It's not his fault he doesn't like me." Saying it aloud makes him feel like he's breathed in a lungful of water, but he pushes back against the pain and spits out the words. "Nobody should blame him for that."

Makoto sighs, shakes her head, and unclasps her hands. She holds them, each one curled into a tight fist, at her side as she sits up straighter. "I wasn't asking about that. I'm asking if you and Akechi have stopped your game. Logic dictates the answer is yes, but given it's the two of you, I need to ask."

Ren's back underwater. There's debris all around him, ricocheting against each other and hitting him in the process. The wreckage creaks and presses him further down into the ocean floor.

He wants out. Wants out of the water. Wants out from all of this: the game, his feelings, the room, the conversation, everything. But no matter how badly he wants to escape, he can't drag anyone else into the depths with him. This is his problem.

He speaks with the desperation of a drowning man. "It's being taken care of."

Makoto frowns. "Ren—"

"It's being taken care of. Don't you trust me?"

It's a cheap, dirty, low, manipulative trick. He knows it. Makoto knows it. It works. Her inhale is a hiss of pain, _but it works_.

"All right," she says. They both know it's not. "Okay. Let's...get to class."

Psychopathology is a fucking mess. Ren doesn't listen to the professor at all; he can't run on automatic. The professor's lecture—something about childhood trauma, vulnerability, and defense mechanisms—go in one ear and pour out the other as salt water. His head is too full of ice water and debris. The debris slams against his thoughts like a fucking oversized pinball. He can't pay attention to anything long enough to find something suitable to send to Goro.

He's not sure if he wants to send anything to Goro.

He had told Makoto he needed time and space, and that is true. He does. He needs it from them, and he needs it from Goro. The problem is he only wants distance from himself and the Phantom Thieves; he doesn't want and can't afford distance between himself and Goro.

Sending Goro rude texts during Psychopathology matters; it's tradition. He's done since the first day of class and hasn't missed it once. If Ren skips it today, then it would be confirmation their relationship has changed. That's unacceptable. Ren refuses to be the cause of their relationship fucking up. He refuses to let his feelings destroy what they've worked so hard to obtain.

He can't focus on the class, so he gives up. He doodles, instead, in the margins of his empty notes. It's a twenty-second stick figure of himself slumped over the lecture desk. He's got Xs for eyes and there's a puddle of drool coming out of his mouth. It's a mess of shaky lines and scratchy pen work. It's hideous. It's a perfect representation of his current self. He snaps a blurry picture and sends it to Goro with no commentary.

> **Goro** : Is class that dull, or is the topic that unpleasant?  
>  **Goro** : Either way, if you need a diversion, I could find ways to keep your mind aroused.

God damn motherfucking _shit_.

Goro had told him, to his face, he would stop holding back. Ren had forgotten all about it because he's been too preoccupied with his unrequited love and feeling sorry for himself. The line isn't even good; it's weak, laughably predictable, and is tacked on like an afterthought. But because it comes from Goro, it's enough to make Ren feel as if he's been hit on the head with an entire train car.

There is a fine line between anger and despair, and Ren chooses anger. Anger, at least, is productive. If he's going to drown, then he's going to do so while winning.

> **Ren** : The lecture hall desks are big enough to hide under. If I got a corner seat in the back and blocked off the seat next to mine, no one would know you were there.
> 
> **Goro** : Someone's mind is in the gutter. Maybe that's why you're having a hard time focusing. Do you have any pent up frustrations you'd like to release? Do you want to blow off some steam?   
>  **Goro** : You could come to my place. There's no Morgana there, and I'm fairly confident it isn't bugged.
> 
> **Ren** : Only fairly confident?
> 
> **Goro** : I've learned better than to underestimate Futaba.   
>  **Goro** : Well? My offer is on the table. It's your move.
> 
> **Ren** : Skipping the wining and dining and going straight to watching me jerk off on your bed, huh?

Goro doesn't reply for a long time. Ren doesn't press. He doesn't want a response. He wants Goro to either give him a point or not respond so Ren can forget about their game for the rest of the day. He wants Goro to tell him they've gone too far and dial it back. He wants his brain to focus on the damn lecture so he can think about literally anything else.

His phone vibrates. Ren must hate himself, because he checks it immediately. At first glance, it looks like Goro has written an entire essay out for a response, which explains why it took so long. Ren starts to read, gets four lines in, then locks and slams his phone on the desk so hard it makes even the professor look at him. 

The good thing about being in the center of attention is it excuses why he's red.

Goro hadn't sent him an essay. Goro had sent him an entire fucking novella that reads like it's going to lead into them fucking.

Ren wants to concede. He needs to concede. But conceding would require pulling up the message, and he knows he's stupid enough to end up reading the whole thing. He slumps in his seat and pretends to pay attention. His body is boiling, but his brain is still trapped underwater. What is he doing? _What is he doing_? Hell, what is Goro doing?

Ren bolts the moment class ends. He pushes past Makoto, his classmates, the door, the people loitering in the halls, everyone. He strains for the building exit like he's swimming for the shore, and when the sun hits his face, he can do nothing but stare numbly at the blue sky until his phone vibrates again.

It's Goro. Of course it is. 

> **Goro** : Since you haven't responded, I'm claiming a point.  
>  **Goro** : It's 6:4 now. Do better.

It's better to lean into anger rather than despair. It's better to get fired up about a counterattack rather than be hurt by another reminder that this is only a game. It's better to go all in on the offensive, consequences be damned, than drown.

Ren needs an appropriate plan of attack, but first he needs to get through the rest of his day. He glides through the day like a spectre floating through time, trapped between the realms of reality and his mind. He goes through the motions of being a person as the waters of his mind surge and churn. Sediment and debris kick up in the violence. He pushes back against the wreckage for all the wrong reasons, but at least he's fighting back.

When he gets home, Ren asks Morgana to leave. Morgana, for once, does so without argument, presumably because he's taking pity on Ren and his broken heart. The pity makes his stomach twist.

Ren's stomach is in knots when he finally reads Goro's sext—and that's what it is, even if it is fake—and finds himself too disgusted and riled up by his own weakness to be, well, riled up by the contents. He latches onto his frustrations like a lifesaver and tries to come up with a plan. 

Goro may have held nothing back this round, exceeding anything Ren could've expected from him, but there's still a sense of distance and disconnect with a text message. If Ren wants to one-up Goro, then it makes sense the best way to do it would be to eliminate that distance completely by being there in person. 

What that "it" entails is where Ren is stuck. If they're in a full-blown game of gay chicken, then Ren needs to start playing gay chicken. He could do it. He could play the locker room version of the game if need be. He could encroach on Goro's personal space, force him to either take a kiss or give Ren a point, and recover his loss. And if Goro let him, then Ren could keep pushing, keep going until he hit Goro's boundaries, whatever they would be.

He could do all of that and not lose the game, but he'd lose something far more important. He could steel his resolve and play to win at the cost of losing everything with Goro. Or he could call it quits and have to explain himself and still risk losing everything with Goro. Win the game, become the worst person in the world, and lose Goro. Or lose the game, become the most pathetic person in the world, and still lose Goro.

Ren groans and flops backwards onto his bed. The lifesaver slips out of his grasp, and he sinks back to the ocean floor. The wreckage pushes him down harder than it ever has before. There's ice in his brain and water in his lungs.

The game isn't fun anymore.

A memory as faint as the light at the bottom of the ocean surfaces in Ren's mind. Morgana, crawling out from underneath a coffee table a lifetime ago in the Sakura residence, asking them why they would play a game if it made them upset. Ryuji had said it was because it was fun, and Ren had agreed, even though he hadn't said it aloud.

Games are meant to be fun. Even when it makes him frustrated, even when it makes him upset, the games and competitions he and Goro had set up had still been fun. This game was fun. It was fun because Ren was playing with Goro just as much as he was playing against him.

But now? Now it feels like Ren's playing against himself more than anyone else.

He stares at the attic ceiling from the ocean floor and feels like letting the water take him.

Screw this. He needs a distraction.


	11. DAY TWELVE - Tuesday Night

** DAY TWELVE - Tuesday Night **

Distracting himself means wandering the streets of Shibuya like a shadow. Not a Shadow, like the ones he fought haunting the hearts and minds of the populace, but simply a shadow. An unnoticed shade who mingles amongst the people, often seen but seldom acknowledged. 

It's never quiet or calm in the city, but that's why Ren likes it. He needs something less confining and familiar to get away from his thoughts rather than drown in them. He needs space and distance to think, but not the isolation that leads to him getting lost in his own mind. 

His feet take him across familiar streets and past his usual haunts, and the constant hum of city chatter and ambient noise keeps him grounded. It's meditative, in a way, to be able to unplug from himself and plug into the life of the city, to feel it breathe and hum and live with each step he takes. He can devote all his passive attention to the city, let all of the stimulation of the senses carry him away from his thoughts. There's always something to look at, some conversation to overhear, some smell wafting from a restaurant or trash bin, some person or obstacle to avoid running into. Ren can just _be_ , and he loses himself to the swell and eddy of the crowds, the nightlife, and the city.

Shibuya is alive, and tonight, Ren is its shadow.

He glides through the city on autopilot, going from the station square to the main streets, then looping around in the back alleys. He keeps to himself, keeps his head down, because he does not want to risk running into anyone he knows. He's a shade: immaterial and insignificant. He does not want to be made whole and human again because he knows his waterlogged mind will want to spew out all the things he's keeping in. He knows he can't hold the water in forever, but he needs more time. Not yet. Not yet. Not— 

"Amamiya?"

He freezes, and Ren is once again a man instead of a shade. He can't find or figure out who had called him, which is the only reason why he hasn't run away. 

"It is you, isn't it?" Ren turns as the person speaks again, and he sees Kawakami walk towards him, a six-pack of cheap beer clutched in one hand. "Wow, it's been a while. How's my favorite ex-student doing?"

Ren looks blankly at her for a second. Kawakami, at first glance, doesn't look to have changed too much. Her hair's shorter, sure, but she still outwardly looks the same. It's only upon taking a second look that Ren can see how her stance is confident, how her face is free of tension, and how her eyes are clear and focused. There's no trace of the weary hollowness that haunted her before.

"Hey," she says when he doesn't respond, "are you okay? Don't tell me you've forgotten who I am!"

Ren shakes himself mentally and physically. "I could never forget you, Becky."

Kawakami scowls, but her eyes are delighted. "You know what, I take back what I said about you being my favorite student. I forgot what a brat you could be."

"Uh huh. I know all teachers call their old students their favorites."

She levels him with an exasperated look. "I'm not lying or exaggerating. Given everything you've done for me— Well, you know. Anyway, how are you? I haven't heard from you since you moved back for university."

'Terrible,' he wants to say, but he swallows the words down. He shrugs, trying for casual, and hopes the slow creep of unease crawling up his body isn't noticeable. "Same old, same old."

"Hearing that from you isn't reassuring." Kawakami frowns, and her eyes suddenly become laser-focused. She stares Ren down like she would be able to probe his mind if she tried hard enough. He looks down as the unease crawls into his gut and settles as anxiety. He feels sorry for her students.

Kawakami takes a step forward. Ren represses the urge to run. 

"Hey," she says, still boring into his soul with her steel-backed stare, "are you okay? Are you involved with more dangerous stuff?"

Ren whips his head up in shock.

"I haven't heard anything about the—about the Phantom Thieves in years." She drops her voice to something below a whisper. "But if you're in danger or need a place to hide, I can do my best to help you. I don't have a lot of resources, but I have people I trust and a place that's safe, so—"

"No, no, no." Ren shakes his head so hard his glasses nearly fall off his face. "I'm not— We haven't been active." 

Kawakami's frown doesn't let up. "Even so, if you're in any kind of trouble, you know you can come to me, right? Doesn't matter how long it's been."

He is exhausted. "I'm not in trouble. Do I look like I'm in trouble?"

It takes Kawakami a second to respond. "You seem...tired. Not the sort of tired from being stressed out over a job or class, or the kind from not getting enough sleep." She sighs and scratches her head. "You have the kind of exhaustion that reminds me of me. Of how I used to be."

Her words cut a little deeper than Ren expects, even though he knows she's not wrong. He really needs to get his act together. It hasn't even been two weeks since his game with Goro started, but Kawakami thinks he's as bad as she had been? When she had been going through that sort of stress and trauma for years?

It's just a rejection. What the hell was wrong with him?

Kawakami's expression shifts, and that's how Ren realizes he's not only starting to get lost in his own head, but also that he's letting it slip.

"Do you want to talk about anything? I'll listen with no judgement, I promise."

Ren has to press his lips together to keep the water from escaping his mind. It's not so much he doesn't want to talk, he realizes as he chokes on cold salt water, but rather he shouldn't. Can't. It's his problem. It's not a big problem. It's just _feelings_ and rejection.

Kawakami sighs. "You know, you've never been as good about hiding things as you thought you were. It's a little troubling you haven't improved since you were my student. Look, I'm not going to make you do anything you don't want to do, but I'm being one hundred percent serious when I say I'll offer you any help I can. Doesn't matter what you've gotten yourself into. I'm here for you."

He can't keep the floodgates closed. He needs to expel the water from his body. "It's not," he says. "I'm not— It's just some relationship issues."

Kawakami shakes her head, but there's a noticeable loss of tension in her shoulders. "Girl troubles, huh? In a way, I'm relieved you're worrying over such mundane things."

The floodgates burst open. "It's not a girl," Ren says, half-horrified at himself.

Kawakami stares at him. Ren seals his mouth shut and hopes for the water to drown him.

"Huh," she says after a second. "Well, that's a little more complicated, but it's still a lot better than getting arrested or pretending to be dead. Do you want to talk about it?"

He shouldn't. "Mmph."

Kawakami doesn't look bothered by his non-response. It's probably a side-effect of teaching teenagers. "Either way, we shouldn't be standing in the middle of the sidewalk forever. So," she says, beaming at him, "how about we hit up an izakaya? You're old enough to drink, right?"

"Mmph," Ren says, but he nods. 

"We should probably stick to somewhere in Shibuya. After all, I don't want to keep you out too late."

Ren thinks about his attic room and how his safe place to think has become suffocating because his own mind is trying to drown him. "I was planning on wandering around until daylight," he says, spewing salt water without meaning to.

Kawakami's smile vanishes like a flash of lightning. "You don't want to go back?" She lowers her voice. "Is there someone waiting for you there you don't want to go back to?"

Dear god. "No! There's no one there; I live by myself. Even my cat isn't around."

Her expression softens. Ren wishes she wouldn't. "I see. Okay." She narrows her eyes. "Don't take this the wrong way, but if you don't want to feel like you're all alone, you can crash on my couch tonight."

Ren opens his mouth. Kawakami beats him to saying anything. "Don't you dare make any snarky comments. I've been through my own share of relationship pitfalls—close your mouth! Don't give me that look! This isn't about me! Anyway, the best way to get through a rough patch is to get drunk, vent at a friend, and have a good cry." She pauses. "Not that we'll be getting drunk, since it's still a school night, but a beer or two should be okay."

Forget drowning; Ren is a fish flopping uselessly on the street. "Do you go drinking with your students often?" he asks, mostly to avoid an awkward silence.

Kawakami's shrug is resigned. "You'd be the first. You can say no, by the way."

Oh, what the hell. The water's already started pouring out of his mouth, and keeping it back is an exercise in futility. Besides, Ren's fairly certain he can't sink any lower without getting buried. "Can I have something better than the beer you've got?"

Kawakami scowls at him. "You'll drink this cheap beer and like it, buddy. Now come on before I regret this."

* * *

Kawakami's apartment is exactly what Ren expects it to be: small, close to Shujin, and littered with papers and books. To be fair, the mess is mostly confined to the living room. The foyer and the kitchen look clean, albeit the sort of clean that stems from disuse as opposed to any concerted effort to maintain it.

Kawakami makes him hold the six-pack as she bustles around. She moves entire stacks of papers and collects pens tossed about here and there. "Sorry, but I have to keep them exactly as they are, or I'll lose track of what I've done and which class it's for. You can, uh, stand there for a moment, okay?"

Ren says nothing and opts to read an open grade book on the floor instead. Kawakami's record keeping is more organized than her living room; she writes notes about her students in the margins, points out their strengths and weaknesses, and makes comments as their grades change. He moves on to a half-marked essay next to it, reads four paragraphs, then stops because the composition is too terrible to continue. Just as well, because Kawakami snatches both the book and essay away from him a second later.

"Don't read my students' essays without permission!" She rolls up the essay and hits him lightly on the arm with it. "Go sit and make yourself at home. You can talk whenever you're ready."

Ren sets the six-pack on the mostly cleared coffee table and grabs one for himself. He stares at the can. He doesn't like beer, but now that he's supposed to talk, Ren finds the floodgates have been frozen shut and are reluctant to open again. The taste of salt has faded from his tongue. He opens the can, takes a sip, and tries not to make a face. He prefers the salt.

Kawakami sits on the floor across the table. She straightens up a teetering stack of papers before she pops open her own can. "Yeah, I know it's not great, but the taste grows on you."

He's failed at not making a face. That's not good; he hadn't been aware his ability to put on a mask of indifference had grown so weak.

Shit.

Kawakami talks about her day when he doesn't say anything, keeping her tone light in an attempt to fill the silence. Ren can't make himself listen, much less focus on what she says. The ocean is loud. The water is cold. There's salt on his lips and debris in his hair. The train wreck is pushing so hard his bones ache.

He can't breathe at the bottom of the ocean. All he can do is exhale and pray.

"There's a guy I'm in love with," he breathes out. Kawakami stops talking and directs her laser focus on him. "I realized it a few days ago, and..."

Ren wants to inhale, but there's only water around him. He stares at his shitty can of beer and wonders if taking a sip would hasten his drowning. Kawakami doesn't say anything when he picks up and puts down the can without drinking. She doesn't say anything even as Ren lets the silence stretch. 

"I think I've been in love with him for a while," he says when the roar of the water gets to be too much. "I'm not talking about a few months or even a year or two. I think I've been in love with him since our time together as Phantom Thieves."

Ren can't bring himself to look at anything other than the beer can, but he can see Kawakami shift out of his peripheral vision. "You can ask me questions," he says. He could use them. The current's moving too quickly and his thoughts are swirling too much for him to pick them out. He's too preoccupied with staying alive to think.

Kawakami's words come out slowly. "So he was a fellow Phantom Thief? A teammate you've only just now realized you're in love with?"

Ren nods, thinks about it, then shakes his head. "He was kind of a teammate, but also kind of a traitor, but then kind of a teammate again." He looks up at her and isn't surprised by the confused look on her face. "Do you remember Goro Akechi? The second coming of the Detective Prince? He was popular for a while when the Phantom Thieves were active."

Kawakami's brows furrow. Ren can see some wrinkles on her forehead this way. "Goro Akechi...? Detective Prince? He sounds kind of familiar, but—" Her eyes widen. "Wait, wasn't he the teenage detective who was against the Phantom Thieves? You're in love with him? And he betrayed you?"

"Yeah. And he tried to murder me."

"What?!"

"And then he almost died trying to save me."

" _What?!_ "

"Then I thought he was dead for a year and a half before he showed up at Leblanc and finally apologized for not contacting me and also for shooting me in the head."

"He _shot_ you— Okay, stop! Stop!" Kawakami stands up so suddenly the tower of papers she just finished straightening topples over. "Sorry, but a beer isn't going to cut it; I need something way stronger. I'll be right back."

She's halfway to the kitchen by the time she finishes speaking, and Ren realizes being too to the point about things might not have been the best track to take. He resolves to slow down and clarify as she comes back, but his words dry up when she slams a bottle of shochu down onto the coffee table.

"This is just for me," she says as she pours out enough to fill her cup to the brim. "I don't want you to hold back, so don't take this as a sign to start censoring yourself, but I need something strong tonight."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize. I'd rather you tell me than bottle it in. I mean, your situation is way more complicated than most people's, but I've heard some really messed up stuff during my tenure as a teacher. And don't forget what I've been through." She picks up her cup and gives him a wry look over its rim. "I'm tougher than you think." She then tips her head back and chugs, gasping when she finishes. "Okay! Woo! Goro Akechi, ex-semi-celebrity and detective opposing the Phantom Thieves, was kind of a Phantom Thief, betrayed you, s-shot you, almost died for you, and you're in love with him. Got it! Continue!"

Having it laid out like that is making Ren feel foolish. "Are you sure—"

Kawakami slams her cup down. "Talk!"

Ren leans back into the couch. "I thought he was attractive back then, but nothing ever came out of it for obvious reasons. After I thought he died, I was more broken up about it than I expected, but I didn't—" He stops. Says the next few words slowly because he hadn't put the thought concretely into words before. "I didn't want to examine my feelings for him too closely because I didn't want to be haunted by more regrets."

Ren falls silent. This is why he hates talking about stuff like this. It's bad enough he has to experience pumping out the salt water in his stomach and lungs, but to do it in front of another person is unbearable.

Kawakami pours a more reasonable amount of shochu into her cup as they stew in silence. She swirls the liquid around, but when they over steep in the silence, she sets her cup down, the glass clicking against the wood grain, and asks:

"Did you realize your feelings for him when he came back?"

"No," Ren says, but that's not the entire truth. "There were too many feelings for me to sort out." Anger. Joy. Fury. Relief. He had felt then a little like he does now, but he had been trapped in a whirlpool of his emotions rather than pinned down to the ocean floor. "I was happy to have him back. Ultimately, that was what mattered."

Another stretch of silence passes before Kawakami speaks. "So when did you realize you were in love with him?"

Ren grimaces, because even though Kawakami had promised not to judge, Ren is judging himself. "We, uh, started playing a game of gay chicken recently."

Kawakami has her cup lifted halfway to her mouth, but upon hearing Ren's admission, she slaps it back down. "You're kidding. You're not kidding."

"We went on a not-date and flirted throughout dinner."

"Amamiya."

"I walked him home and we cuddled a little bit."

"Oh, geeze."

"I couldn't stop thinking about how I wanted it to be a real date."

"Oh, man."

"I realized I was in love with him while he was angry gloating about how he wasn't going to lose our game."

Kawakami groans before she slams back her drink. "How," she slams her cup down so hard Ren's astonished it doesn't crack, "do you get yourself into these situations?"

Ren shrugs. Kawakami pours herself more shochu. "Okay, you're in love with a guy you have a really complicated past with— No, no, you don't have to feel obligated to explain! And you're playing a game of gay chicken with him. Yeah, I can see how that'd go poorly. He'd probably think you were joking if you confessed to him."

Ren ducks his head. "I already confessed to him. He said he'd rather remain friends."

"Oof," Kawakami says before she chugs. "You don't catch a break, do you?"

"I'm used to it," Ren says more bitterly than he intends. Kawakami responds by pouring out another cup, and Ren wonders if he should step in.

Rather than drinking it, however, Kawakami leans forward. She puts one elbow on the table and braces the side of her face with that hand. She's looking straight at him, but her focus is hazy.

"Rejection sucks." Her volume is much higher than before. "Especially when it comes to love. Maybe there's someone out there who can say they're used to it and mean it, but when you're young? You've gotta feel that stuff out! You have to..." She pauses for a second before smacking the table with her free hand. Ren considers taking her shochu bottle away. "You have to be honest with yourself! Be honest with your feelings! It's easy for love to turn into resentment, after all, and if you can fall in love with someone who shot you— No! Don't tell me more! I _really_ don't wanna know about you getting shot. But if you can fall in love with someone who shot you, then you don't want to lose your relationship with him easily, right? Then you have to let yourself feel the hurt. You can't bottle it up. Have a cry! Or yell! Do it now!"

A tense second of silence passes. Kawakami scowls.

"You want me to cry and yell right now?" Ren asks.

"Yep. Get to it! Chop chop!"

"Maybe that's enough drinking for tonight." He moves to grab the shochu bottle, but Kawakami pushes his hand away.

"Please. I'm just a little tipsy. Look," she says, and she lifts her head up and sits up straight. "Don't think I didn't notice and don't remember what you were like as a student. You went through things no one—no adult, nevermind a high school student—should have gone through. The way the faculty and students treated you was wrong. The way people failed you in the first place was wrong. You had to endure so much injustice, but you still took the time to listen to the problems of a useless mess of a teacher and fix things for me." She sighs and sips her shochu. "I always meant to apologize for it. I'm grateful you helped me, but I was so caught up in my own relief of being free that I failed in my job as your teacher. I didn't even think about what it must have cost you to feel the need to take on the role of a Phantom Thief in the first place."

She looks him in the eyes, and some of her laser focus is back. "You never complained about it. I'm not going to presume to know what you did with your friends, but with me? Even as I was complaining to you about my life, you never once spoke up about yourself or your pain."

"What you went through was a lot worse than what I—"

"Even if it was—and I don't think it's fair to either of us to compare them—I was an adult who ran away from a confrontation because I was scared it was going to be hard, then chose a path that turned out to be even harder. But you? You were a kid. You didn't have any choices to make because they were all made for you. And you still kept everything inside and helped me anyway.

"I wouldn't have been able to do it. I'm an adult, and there's no way I can see myself keeping my feelings sealed up tightly enough to go help other people. You saw what I was like! Constantly complaining to you, barely able to do my job as a teacher... You were so strong. It wasn't right."

She sighs and rests her head on the table. "Ugh, I'm rambling. My point in all of this is I get why you had to be strong, but it doesn't make it right. And now? When you've been rejected? You don't have to be strong. There's nothing wrong with being human and showing your emotions."

There's salt water pushing against the back of his teeth, but now it's also bitter from bile. "It doesn't make sense."

"My rambling? Yeah, sorry about that. I guess I'm more tipsy than I thought."

Ren spits out the water. "No. Me. My reaction. I... It doesn't make sense. You're right. I went through so much worse than heartbreak, so why do I feel like everything's falling apart around me?"

She's right. Ren's been isolated, lied to, looked down upon, abused, manipulated, used— So many people have tried to destroy him. A god once tried to ruin him, yet the thing that breaks him is Goro fucking Akechi telling him he'd rather remain friends?

Kawakami's sigh is gentle. "That's exactly why it feels worse. I'm not making light of your feelings, but there's a world of a difference between having to survive because you've been wronged and are stuck in a life-or-death situation and, well, getting rejected. Your mind knows that a rejection isn't the end of the world, but that's not what your heart feels. That's why you have to let it out. It's safe to let it out, I promise."

There is an ocean inside of him, and it longs to be released.

"I don't know how much more of this I can take," he says, and the words are salt water on an open wound. The water is pouring out, flowing over his wounded heart, and it hurts.

Kawakami gets up and sits next to him, close enough so their shoulders touch. She grabs a pack of tissues from her pockets and hands one to him. It takes Ren a moment to realize he's crying.

"Come on," she says. "Tell me what you like about this boy of yours."

Ren does.


	12. DAY THIRTEEN - Wednesday

** DAY THIRTEEN - Wednesday **

Ren hadn't thought he would be able to sleep, but unleashing an ocean's worth of baggage and emotion takes it out of a person. He wakes up with a mild headache and moderate amount of lethargy. There's light seeping through the windows of Kawakami's living room, eerie and gray in the pre-dawn silence, and Ren groans as he sits up.

The ocean is drained, but the wreck still crushes him. His limbs are heavy with the same sort of exhaustion that wears him down after a Palace run. Bah. Feelings.

But he'd be lying if he claims nothing good came out of the purge. With the water gone, he can breathe again. His limbs are warming up. Most importantly, he can see; he can see reality for what it is rather than through the murky, distorted view through several meters of ocean.

Reality is this: Ren's entire life has revolved around Goro Akechi after they met. They had been enemies, friends, opposites, and equals; hand picked by a God to be pitted against one another, thrown together by fate to be involved in each other's lives whether they wanted to or not. Their lives are intrinsically intertwined. The worst hardships and some of the worst pain he's ever felt has revolved around Goro. 

Reality is this: Ren hates examining his feelings. He keeps his pain boxed up and buried unless it can be used to fuel his own progress. No wonder it had taken so long for him to realize his true feelings for Goro. He had dug a hole beneath the surface of his brain and buried his feelings so deep it had been easier to take down a corrupt politician, shoot a God in the head, and then destroy paradise than unearthing and unpacking that box.

Reality is this: Ren has used their game as an excuse to further avoid his feelings, to further avoid acknowledging what he's already known. The competition had been an excuse to do all the things he's always wanted to do with Goro, and his inability to take a loss had been an inability to face himself. It had never been about the competition after a point; it had been about running away from himself.

Reality is this: Ren is in love with Goro, and being rejected feels like he's being torn in half. Goro is his other half, the other side of the coin that represents their whole. Goro is a part of Ren's life—has been since their fateful encounter in the TV studio hallway. Ren doesn't believe in love at first sight, but he does believe in the two of them.

Reality is this: Being rejected hurts, but losing Goro because of his own blunders would destroy him. No matter what, Ren can't lose his relationship with Goro. He needs to talk to him, needs to call the game off. It doesn't matter if Goro gets upset; their relationship can survive that. It may not survive Ren's idiocy; if he bottles up his feelings, it'll explode and destroy them both.

His phone is on Kawakami's coffee table, and when he checks it, he is greeted with an alert telling him his battery is at 6%. It's 4:15 in the morning. Far too early to call, and Ren knows a text that reads, 'We need to talk' is too ominous to wake up to. 

He can't encroach on Kawakami's space and kindness anymore. He needs to go home, pull himself together, charge his phone, and then track down Goro and talk to him. No matter what.

He folds the linens Kawakami let him use and tidies the living room a little, then writes her a thank you note for her hospitality and leaves. The first train back to Yongen-Jaya is near empty at the early hour, and Ren distracts himself from the surreal atmosphere by draining the last of his batteries to check his messages.

No one has explicitly said they know about Ren's rejection, but the running theme in all their messages tell him they've found out. There are offers to hang out, reminders Ren'll always have a shoulder to lean on, and an invitation from Ryuji to skip their classes and goof off together.

No message from Goro, but that's for the best.

His phone dies before he makes any replies, and Ren spends the rest of the ride looking through the windows at the predawn sky. When he arrives at Yongen-Jaya, it's unearthly quiet. Leblanc, too, is quiet, although Ren knows that won't be for long. He charges his phone and leaves it on his bed before he heads to the baths. His phone is only at 23% when he returns, but it's on and usable. He sends responses to everyone's texts, then pulls up Goro's contact. It's not even 5:30 yet. Goro doesn't have class on Wednesdays until 9, same as Ren, which is how he can plan Wednesday mornings around shooting Ren with foam darts every week. 

5:30 is too early for a call. Ren should wait until at least 6.

Before he can figure out if delaying the call is an act of pragmatism or cowardice, someone else calls him. Ren jumps when his phone vibrates in his hand, and he almost fumbles it when he checks. It's Yusuke. He has no idea why Yusuke would call him so early.

"Hello?"

"Ah, thank goodness! When you sent your reply a few minutes ago, I had hoped you would be up and not asleep. Ren," Yusuke says before Ren points out that he wouldn't have been able to send a reply if he'd been sleeping, "I need a favor. Could you come over at this very moment?"

"Right now? It's only 5:30."

"That is precisely why it must be now! I implore you. This will only take thirty— No! It will only take twenty minutes of your time. I need merely a sketch and a reference picture, and then you can be on your way. Please. This is a matter of life or death!"

Knowing Yusuke, it's definitely not a matter of life or death. But, hell, Ren does need a way to kill time until it's an acceptable hour to demand Goro meet with him in person. 

"As long as it doesn't take longer than that. I need to do something before my first class at 9."

"You are truly too magnanimous, Ren. I shall be ready and waiting, my brush wet and quivering with ecstasy."

Ren considers reminding Yusuke about phrasing, then thinks better of it. "I'll be there soon."

* * *

Yusuke's apartment is a modest not-quite studio near Shimo-Ochai Station. It's "not-quite" a studio because the apartment has an inexplicably large walk-in closet, which Yusuke has fashioned into a claustrophobic mess of a bedroom while the rest of the apartment is used for art.

Ren is a bit confused at first when Yusuke tells him that they'll be working in the bedroom-slash-closet, but then he looks around, sees the numerous boulders lying around the floor, and decides it's not worth asking questions.

"I ask that you keep your volume down," Yusuke whispers while Ren toes off his shoes. "My neighbors have made complaints about the noise level while I work."

"You've got to stop cackling while you paint." Ren looks around for the single pair of guest slippers Yusuke owns and resigns himself to getting rock dust on his socks when he can't find them. "So we're going into the closet, huh? Almost feels like a set up."

Yusuke's pinched expression goes slack. Ren's guard goes up. "I'm afraid I don't understand."

"You're asking me to go into a closet, and I officially came out to everyone a few days ago. So I came out of the closet, but now you're— You know what, nevermind. Closet time."

Yusuke's expression changes so quickly that Ren wonders if he isn't possessed by an art demon. He leads Ren towards the closet as he whispers: "Ah, yes. The bedroom! The small space is an important factor in my process. You see, I have found that the way people behave in a small space changes. In such tight quarters, there exists only room for the truth, and that is my goal for the day."

Ren nods politely. The "room" is separated from the rest of Yusuke's studio by a set of slatted double doors. There are large boulders here as well, bracketing the doors. The closet light streams out from the slats and leaves illuminated bands on the floor, and Yusuke's futon is rolled up and sitting in one of the light bands. 

Ren's not sure what he expects to find inside when Yusuke flings the doors open, but Goro isn't it.

Goro's sitting in a chair facing away from the doors, staring at a painting of Inokashira Park at dusk. He huffs when Yusuke opens the doors. "Good. You're back early. All of my thoughts about this painting turned into resentment three minutes—" He gets up and freezes when he spots Ren, and his pissed off expression sloughs off his face to reveal the horror beneath. It lasts only a fraction of a second before the aggravated mask snaps back into place. It's barely noticeable, but Ren's looking to notice.

"What is he doing here?" Goro's looking at Ren, but the question is directed to Yusuke.

"My apologies." Yusuke says, unaffected by Goro's snarling. "We are short on time and this is an emergency."

Yusuke then puts both hands on Ren's shoulders and shoves with all his might. All of Yusuke's might is a lot; he may be a twig of a man, but Yusuke can hit as hard as the best of them. Ren, not anticipating this sudden act of violence, flies forwards into the closet, collides with Goro, and takes them both down to the ground.

The closet doors slam shut as Goro shoves him off.

"Kitagawa," Goro yells as Ren's back makes impact with the wall, "what the fuck are you doing?!"

There's a scraping sound outside the door. Ren lifts his head and sees, through the slats, Yusuke pushing one of the boulders in front of the doors. Goro blocks Ren's view right after, shoving at the doors to no avail.

"Please refrain from murdering each other." Yusuke begins shoving another boulder to block them in. "Also refrain from destroying my bedroom. Both are lease violations, and I cannot afford the fines."

"I am going to kill you," Goro hisses as he throws himself against the closet doors. They shake but do not open. 

"Then my last words shall be the ones you refuse to speak! Now then," Yusuke says, completely blasé as Goro screams at him, "I need to step out. I shall return in twenty minutes. Please talk to one another while I am gone."

"Fuck you," Goro yells, but Yusuke's footsteps are already fading away. A second later, Ren hears the front door open then click shut.

Ren remains on the ground as Goro kicks the doors. He stares at the cracked ceiling, wonders how Yusuke can stand sleeping in a closet, then bursts into laughter.

It starts as a snicker, but when Goro stops kicking and turns to Ren with an enraged glare, the snicker evolves into full-blown guffaws. His body shakes, and Ren rolls onto his side and clutches his stomach for support. Tears gather in the corner of his eyes, and Ren closes them as hysteria bubbles out of him.

"I'm so glad you find this funny," Goro spits, and Ren nearly chokes on his laughter.

"I'm," he says. Then he opens his eyes and makes the mistake of looking at Goro's angry face. It sets him off again, and Ren hiccups from laughing too hard.

Goro tolerates it for a full second before he speaks again. "If you're going to be useless, then I'm going to use your head as a battering ram."

Ren snorts and rolls onto his back. He tries to calm down, stop laughing, and catch his breath. He stays silent for a beat, hiccups, and that sets him off all over again.

The next thing he knows, Goro grabs him by the ankles and drags him towards the door. The pressure on his shoulders hurt. His head greatly dislikes sliding across the rough wood of Yusuke's closet.

"Okay, stop, stop," Ren says as Goro adjusts his grip like he's about to swing Ren at the doors like a baseball bat. "I'll stop laughing!" He hiccups and fails to repress a snort of laughter. Goro turns his head back and glares. "Really. I'll stop. Don't use me as a blunt object."

Goro scowls, but he drops Ren's ankles. "Get yourself under control and help me."

Ren looks at Goro's face as he scrambles to his feet. Goro has a nice face. A handsome face. A lovely face, although Ren's not stupid enough to ever say it aloud. A face that looks good even as Goro narrows his eyes and pulls back his lips in a sneer. He wears contempt so well, and Ren wants to kiss him.

"Actually," Ren says before Goro can try to use him as a battering ram again, "this is perfect. I need to talk to you."

"We can talk after we've broken out."

"No. If I put this off any longer, I'll—" Ren does not say, _'I'll kiss you,'_ though it's a near thing. "—do something stupid."

"Like you haven't been acting like an idiot since we were shoved in here."

"I'm," he hiccups, "serious." He frowns. "I'm sorry for laughing, but you have to admit that both of us getting outsmarted by _Yusuke_ and getting trapped inside his closet is a little bit funny."

"It isn't. Is this what you want to talk to me about?"

"No."

Goro crosses his arms and leans on the closet door. He kicks backwards with one leg and leaves his foot on the door when it doesn't budge. "What is it, then?"

Ren looks away from Goro's face. He takes a breath, hiccups in the middle of it, and tries again. "Okay." He can do this. "First, I want to call the game off. I concede."

Goro pushes himself off the door and stands on both feet. "What?" 

"I know we usually keep going until it escalates to the point where one of us—" Ren hiccups. "—does something that can't be topped, but I can't do that with this game. I don't want the game to go that far."

He falls silent and stares at a chip in the wood floor. No one speaks, but the tension in the closet is palpable. It clings to his skin like the humidity of a summer's day. Ren chances a glance at Goro's face and sees the inferno blazing behind his eyes spill out into the distance between them.

"Coward." The word lashes out at Ren as a lick of flame. "Is this about the others and what they've said? I told you before, didn't I? I will work to maintain our relationship and keep it. If you're worried about the others and their input on our bond, then talk to me so we can set boundaries instead of surrendering—"

"It's not about anyone else. It's about us. And I am trying to set boundaries right now by stopping the game. Playing the game with you is what I can't handle."

Goro's face is stonier than the boulders outside, but the fire in his eyes is still roaring with life. "All right," Goro says in clipped tones. "Fine. If the game is making you uncomfortable, we'll stop."

"No, Goro, I phrased that poorly—"

"You don't need to explain yourself. You owe me no such thing. I'm sorry for the discomfort and the disgust—"

"I didn't say anything about disgust."

Goro clenches his fists and glares at the doors. His arms tremble. "Please. Even when done as a joke, tolerating the advances of someone you have no attraction to must be disgusting. I'm disgusted by regular social niceties; tolerant as you are, I doubt you wouldn't find my advances to be vile."

He's so close. "I don't. I don't find you or your advances to be disgusting or uncomfortable. That's the problem." He's so fucking close. "It's the opposite. That's why I can't play this game anymore."

The tremble in Goro's arms escalates to a full-body shake. "What are you—" Goro swallows, and the motion is just as jittery as the rest of him. He doesn't look at Ren. "Explain yourself."

Ren's body is hot. His organs pull together; they contract and condense around his heart like a shield. He licks his lips and reaches through the shield of meat and flesh, plunges into his heart, and rips the words out, raw and bloody.

"I'm in love with you. I don't want to play the game anymore because I don't want it to be fake. I want it to be real. I want—"

The back of Ren's head slams against the wall. Goro's hands twist in the collar of his shirt and stretch the fabric out as he digs his fingers in. His eyes are wide. Wild. The inferno blazes around them.

Goro is shaking. So is Ren.

"Are you fucking with me?!" Goro punctuates each word by shaking Ren. Ren's shoulders thump against the wall. "Are you mocking me!?"

Ren grabs Goro's wrists and grits his teeth. Goro isn't punching him, so it's not the worst reaction he could have had, but it's still pretty terrible. "I'm serious." Goro shoves him so hard that Ren's clavicle hurts from the pressure of Goro's fists. "I'm sorry. I know I should have told you earlier so we could've worked something to keep the game fair. I know I'm the one who fucked up and conceded—"

Goro's laughter is seeped in hysteria. He yanks Ren forward and shoves him back with more force. Ren tightens his grip on Goro's wrists when his shoulders collide with the wall and punches the breath out of his lungs.

Goro's voice cracks. "You piece of shit. Fuck you."

Ren braces himself against the wall and digs his feet in. He tries, ineffectively, to pull Goro's hands out of his shirt. "You have every right to be angry, but at least hear me out first." Goro yanks him forward in response, but Ren pulls back and denies him.

They remain locked in position, locked in a precarious push-pull battle of wills. Neither of them will concede. They glare at each other. The flames grow hotter. Ren burns inside and out.

At least his fucking hiccups are gone.

Ren inhales the flames and speaks before Goro can pull off some dirty trick like headbutting him. "You have every right to be angry, but I need you to know that I don't expect anything from you. I'm not expecting you to return my feelings. I love you, but—"

Goro fails to strangle a scream in his throat. The sound comes out raw and desperate, and Goro's fingers tighten in Ren's shirt.

"You are," he spits the words into Ren's face, "the densest, most infuriating, most idiotic man I have ever met in my life. How are you still— How are you still subverting my expectations even now?!"

"What?" Ren's missing something. "What are you talking about?"

Goro makes a noise in the back of his throat. It's the cry of a dying star: hot, furious, and on the verge of collapse. Ren looks into his eyes, sees them burn with the same intensity as the surface of the sun, and understands.

Reality is this: Goro is a star. He burns hot and bright, and his gravity is inescapable. 

Reality is this: Ren is a star as well. But he'd spent so much time gazing out into the cold ocean of space that he mistook the void for himself. He'd forgotten about the violent, blazing storm of fusion and heat inside him.

Reality is this: Ren and Goro are binary stars. They live in orbit around each other, drawn in by the mutual pull of the other's gravity. They are two separate beings in a single, balanced system. Neither can pull away from the other without destroying themselves.

Reality is this: Ren Amamiya is a fucking idiot. He had turned his back on his own feelings, but in doing so, he'd turned away from Goro's as well.

They're friends. Rivals. Equals. Two halves of the same whole. They understand each other. Know each other in ways no one else knows. Whatever one of them does, they do with the full knowledge the other can keep up. Ren knows this. Knows it better than he knows himself.

There's no need for words when the person standing in front of you is your other half.

When Ren leans in to kiss him, Goro meets him halfway. 

Their first kiss is a collision of heat and mass and fire and pain. Goro bites more than he kisses. Ren pulls him closer anyway. The wreckage in his mind burns up. Melts into slag. Joins the radiant mass of stellar heat and fusion that makes up his being. Ren devours Goro's flames and light, and Goro fills the distant, cold void of space with his presence. They collide and merge and burn: two stars fusing into one, illuminating the sea of the universe with their union.

They part for breath, then meet each other in the middle again.

Ren slides his hands up Goro's arms, past his shoulders, up his neck, until he's cradling Goro's face. Goro releases his grip on Ren's shirt and glides his hands down and around until he's got his arms wrapped around Ren's waist. Together, in tandem, they pull each other in. Their second kiss is gentler. As is their third. Their fourth. Their fifth.

Then Goro ducks his head and bites a kiss into Ren's neck.

"Oh," Ren says. "Ah," he adds when Goro sucks and kisses the bite. "Oh, god," he moans when Goro begins licking a strip from his collarbone to his chin. Ren throws his head back to give Goro access, and he sees the crack on Yusuke's ceiling again when he does so.

Wait.

"We're still in Yusuke's closet," Ren says, half the words coming out as a moan.

Goro stops mid-lick. "Fuck."

'Yes,' Ren thinks. He's not sure where the brain cell that stops him from saying it comes from, but he's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth. "How are we getting out of here?"

Goro huffs into Ren's throat. He lingers for a second before he unplasters himself from Ren and steps back. His hair is mussed, his lips are plump and slick, and the fire that dances in his eyes now smolder with a different intent.

"You're the thief," Goro says, and his voice is rough in a way that makes Ren want to live in him. "You come up with our escape plan."

Ren stares at the hollow of Goro's throat, at the shine of spit on his lips, at the newly formed wrinkles and creases of his button-down, and then into Goro's gorgeous, incandescent eyes. His brain is empty. All he wants is to touch Goro again; anything else is beyond his mental capacities. 

Ren strains his mind for something other than brute force, but comes up short. "The only thing I can think of is breaking Yusuke's closet doors down and sending him apology money to fix it later. Goro, you can't expect me to think straight right now."

The corners of Goro's mouth twitch up. There's a beat, and then all of Goro's mouth twitches, followed by the rest of his body as he laughs. He covers his mouth, which does nothing to muffle his chuckling, and Ren understands why Goro had been so annoyed when Ren did the same thing. At the same time, Ren can't stay annoyed at Goro when he's in such a rare mood, openly displaying his joy. 

"All right," Goro says. "I suppose I'll use you as a battering ram after all."


	13. AND ALL THE DAYS THEREAFTER

** AND ALL THE DAYS THEREAFTER **

After they, quite literally, break out of Yusuke's closet, Ren toys with the idea of asking Goro to join him in skipping classes. He never gets the chance to vocalize the thought before his brain helpfully reminds him that he's got an exam tomorrow and a project due the day after that he hasn't started.

When Goro asks him what's wrong, Ren tells him and gets dragged to the library. Goro is not impressed when they part to go to their classes, and he bans Ren from spending time with him until he's got his shit together. Ren is sad about this for approximately two hours before his looming deadlines consume his thoughts. He spends the day blowing off texts—except for Yusuke's, and Ren responds to that message by transferring over a ridiculous sum of money from his secret stockpile obtained from killing Shadows—and throws himself into his studies.

He doesn't even realize Goro sucked a hickey into his neck until the middle of the afternoon.

Morgana, predictably, is apoplectic when Ren finally returns to Leblanc that evening. Ren tolerates his distressed lecturing for as long as it takes to dump all of his study and research materials out, then grabs Morgana around the middle, plops him on top of a textbook, and tells him to help Ren with his schoolwork.

The next two days pass in a flurry of studying, writing, and making sure no one can hear Morgana's meows as he helps Ren cheat. In between the long periods of academic hell, Ren's life is punctuated by concerned texts from the others, reminders from Goro that he's going to kick Ren's ass if Ren fails out of university, and Sojiro's kindness in the form of a near endless stream of coffee and curry.

On Friday afternoon, after Ren succeeds at not dying during his presentation, Ren sends out a message to the group chat congratulating himself on surviving and that he's going to reward himself by sleeping through the weekend. The others relay their congratulations with awkward, stilted words. Ren considers making plans to finally explain everything when Goro sends him what can only be called a thirst picture.

Ren does not make it back to Leblanc that night.

When he walk-of-shames it back to Leblanc late Saturday morning, he's not too shocked to find the rest of the Thieves waiting for him, taking up all the booth seats. They snap their heads up to stare at him when he opens the door. Ren freezes and meets their stares with silence. 

A tense moment passes before Sojiro coughs. "I just remembered I'm all out of beans," he mutters. "I'm gonna close up for the day. You kids... Yeah." He scurries out of Leblanc without even taking off his apron, and whispers, "Good luck," to Ren as he passes by.

Ren takes a step inside once Sojiro's gone and lets the door close behind him. "Hey, guys." 

"Ren," Makoto says, and she looks like she's out to start a fight. "This is an intervention."

Ah, crap. "I can see that. Do you guys mind if I changed first?"

"No," Haru says. "I'm sorry, Ren, but we can't risk having you escape out the windows. Not after what Yusuke told us."

"He trapped me in a closet."

"You broke my bedroom doors."

"I sent you apology money."

"It was a considerable amount of money... I truly appreciate that."

"It would have been best," Makoto cuts in, "if no one had to resort to trapping anyone else in closets in the first place."

Ryuji nods. "Yeah, man. This has gotten way too effed up. You and Akechi gotta stop this. He's just hurtin' you, dude, and you're lettin' him."

On one hand, their concern for him is moving. It means so much to Ren to see his team—his friends—all together, waiting for him to come home on a Saturday morning, willing to have uncomfortable and difficult conversations because they care that much.

On the other hand, he really needs to change and bathe again so he stops smelling like Goro, and then get some caffeine into his system so he can actually explain himself and admit all the ways he's fucked up.

But wanting that feels like running away, and his friends deserve better.

"You're right," Ren says, and the looks on everyone's faces tells him they weren't expecting him to admit it. "Things got out of hand, and both Goro and I took things too far. But it's all right now, I promise. We took care of it."

Ann's voice is soft but unwavering. "Are you saying that because you actually took care of it, or are you just trying to convince us?"

Okay, he kind of deserves that. "I mean it. Listen, it's, uh... We—" 

The bell over the door jingles. Everyone turns.

"Oh," Goro says. "You're all here."

If the tension in the room had been a thick, sticky humidity before, it is now a deluge soaking them to the bone. Goro shifts, openly uncomfortable, and Ren spots him tightening his grip on one of Ren's textbooks.

Futaba looks like she's about to vibrate out of her seat. "A-Akechi! Get out!!"

Makoto winces, and Morgana jumps off the table to slink under a booth seat. Goro takes on an affronted expression, but when Ren looks into his eyes, a spark of mischief gleams out from their depths.

Oh, no. It's a terrible idea. Ren should do the mature thing and stop him.

He doesn't.

"I'm going to make some coffee," he says instead. "Goro, your usual?"

"Yes, please," Goro says, voice on the precipice of slipping into Pleasant Boy mode. He takes a seat at the counter and leaves his back exposed to the rest of the Thieves. Ren has to bite his lip to stop from smiling.

No one says anything for a long time, and Ren grinds the beans and heats the water in silence. Every time he glances at Goro, he has to look away immediately after. Goro's eyes are always on him, a deliciously mean sort of amusement playing on his face, and Ren has to stop trying to look at him entirely lest he breaks out into laughter.

"So! Akechi," Makoto says once the silence becomes intolerable, "what are you doing here?"

"I'm here for the same reason as everyone else," Goro says. He spins his whole body around to give them the Full Pleasant Boy Experience: voice pitched high and smug, eyes crinkled closed from a smile too dazzling to be genuine, legs crossed and hands folded daintily over the knees, and posture as straight as Goro is not. Ren almost fucks up the pour from how much it takes to not laugh.

"Seriously doubt you're here for the same reasons as us," Ryuji mutters, and Goro manages to make his smile so bright that Ren thinks about investing in a pair of sunglasses.

"Oh?" Goro tilts his head. "Are you not all here because you wished to spend time with the most charming barista in all of Japan?"

The menace laden in his saccharine words changes the tension in the room.

"Akechi," Haru says, voice made of stone and ready to strike, "I'm glad you're here. There's something we need to discuss—"

Ren finishes the pour just in time. "One cup of your usual." He crosses his arms as Goro turns his back on the Thieves to face the counter. "By the way, your tab is starting to get ridiculous. When are you going to pay it off?"

Goro's doe-eyed expression is so over-the-top that it loops back to devious. "Oh? I'm terribly sorry; I hadn't noticed. But I'm afraid I don't have much money with me today. Could I pay off my tab in some other way?"

Ren smirks and leans in. "Some other way, huh? It better be really good to cover how much you owe."

Goro taps his lips with a finger that had been in Ren's mouth earlier that morning. "Hmm... Would, perhaps, a kiss do?"

Behind Goro, the Thieves explode into a flurry of shouts and screams. Ren ignores them and leans forward even more. "It'll do for a start," he says, then meets Goro halfway across the counter for a kiss.

There is a moment of silence before the Thieves explode again, even more raucous than before. Ren and Goro maintain their kiss a second more before breaking apart.

"Excuse me," Goro says, turning back to address the shouting, "but could you all be less disruptive when I'm trying to kiss my boyfriend?"

Ren stretches across the counter and buries his face in Goro's hair to hide his giddy smile. 

"B-b-b-b-boyfriend," Ann says, shaking her head and whipping Ryuji and Yusuke with her hair. 

Makoto looks like she got slapped in the face with a porno mag. "W-what— When— What about the game?!"

"You're all still going on about that?" Goro drawls as he leans back, pressing his head against Ren's. "Please. We ended that some time ago."

They erupt into shouting yet again, and Ren lifts his head up with a sigh.

"Guys, don't be mean to my boyfriend."

He can't see Goro's expression from where he is, but Goro is radiating so much smugness that Ren doesn't have to see him to know what he looks like.

"Well," Goro purrs as he slides off his seat, taking his coffee and the textbook Ren left behind with him, "I'll be waiting for you upstairs."

He saunters past the Thieves and up the stairs, and Ren watches him until Goro can't be seen anymore. The shouting trails off into silence, and Ren toys with a lock of his hair as he looks at everyone's stunned faces.

"See? We took care of it."

Futaba slaps the table with both hands after every word. "What? WHAT? _WHAT!?"_

"Dude, what the eff?!"

"Oh my goooooood, you two are so exhausting."

"He's gonna be here all the time now, isn't he? Damn it, I'm going to live with Haru!"

"I...am so tired. Maybe I should go home..."

"You two broke my bedroom doors for this."

Haru says nothing, but her disappointed look cuts deeper than any words could.

Ren shoves his hands into his pockets and waits out their reactions. When things are quiet again, he looks around and says, without shame:

"Can you guys leave? Goro's waiting for me."

Futaba nails him in the face with her headphones.


End file.
